Okay, so this might look bad for the Bush Administration and the whole “tough on terrorism” kind of thing:
A deputy press secretary for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security was charged with using a computer to seduce a child after authorities said he struck up sexual conversations with an undercover detective posing as a 14-year-old girl.
Brian J. Doyle, 55, the fourth-ranking official in the department’s public affairs office, was expected to be placed on administrative leave Wednesday.
But think of it for a minute. There’s a bright side to all of this that people are overlooking. That computer that Brian Doyle used was most likely a garden-variety PC with an inexpensive broadband connection, available to people of nearly every income level these days.
Let’s go back for a moment, shall we?
To get that equivalent level of child-seducing computing power back in the 50’s, you had to have rooms and rooms of vacuum-tube systems arranged in thousands of cross-connected racks. And with all of the equipment failures and the lack of computing time available because of tight scheduling with other seemingly more important projects (ballistics tables, census statistics generation, billing record manipulation, etc.), the system rarely had the time to compile and compute those stacks of punchcards and switches set to seduce a child.
Even if you did have the time for a calculation run to proposition and seduce a child, you still needed bandwidth to do that over. And before DARPA, cross-connection was expensive and unreliable.
You’re even assuming in all of this that your target child had access to a massive mainframe structure of their own to communicate back. Only the richest and most powerful kids out there had such things, and let’s face it: who really wants to pull an Uncle Ernie on Richie Rich?
In fact, the only advantage computing gave to the prospective child predator was that the catacomb-like arrangement of the mainframe itself was easy to get lost in and the tripping of relays could muffle the sound of a resisting child.
So three cheers for Progress. Because whether it’s simplifying doing your increasingly-complex tax returns or easing the hunting ritual of hideously disgusting perverts, man’s command of the ever-advancing march of technology is to thank.
(Well, that and parents who let computers and televisions act as unsupervised electronic babysitters. Not even Homeland Security can protect your family from that.)
I don’t know whether to be disturbed or laugh. Maybe I’ll be both.
You are a sick man. Is there no low to which you will not stoop in the pursuit of “teh funny”? At least you’re not blogging about American Idol. Well done!
Dear Sir,
I am writing to you to register my strong disapproval of the use of strong language in this publication.
Many a time in my youth, I would peruse the magazines and newspapers as I lounged about, socializing with the hoi-polloi of my community. Moreover, although certainly we choose to be in mixed company with gentlemen and ladies (“Flappers”, to use the parlance of our time), at no time did we ever forget our social etiquette. Even in the underground saloons and speakeasies of Prohibition, certain proprieties were maintained.
Now all of that has changed, I fear, as you seem to feel free to publish the most scandalous commentary by any common two bit naer-do-well named Brian J. Doyle. In my time, I never thought I would see the day when the words of the devil would be so proudly published without ever the slightest hint of shame.
“”He could get to court today and some lawyer may say ‘no, you don’t want to do that.’ The bottom line is we don’t know when he’s coming back.”
Sir, need I remind you that there are children in your audience? Was this Great Republic of ours really better served by your blasphemy? Couldn’t you have substituted the words “Fiddlesticks” or “Heaven’s to Betsy”, or “Oh, Henry” instead of words that only remind one of the sulfurous hereafter? Fire and Brimstone young man, Fire and Brimstone. That is what you should be considering.
I fear the direction our Great Republic is going Sir. I fear it greatly.
Yours truly,
Colonel Hiram Horatio Cushenberry, 4th Dragoons Battalion, 127th Regiment, Retired
Only YOU Laurence…only you could take a story like this and make it humorous reading…excepting Trey and Matt from Southpark, they could do it too…with drawings…so maybe NOT only you, but only you HERE…oh nevermind…
My guess is, the only reason Al Gore invented the internet was to seduce young children.
I can’t help but wonder if that press secretary had been suducing a cat how would you feel?
Aside from Rahel trying to get into Nardo’s collar every time she sees him on the catcams, I think that’s very unlikely.
What he has done, is terrible!
What he has done is terrible…I went on over to the DU to see what they had to say it. Some moonbats are barking about how he’s being set up by BushCo because Doyle was a whistleblower. Others are saying he’s a republican based on financial contributions while he worked for HNTB…and just because he’s a pedophile rethugican, all republicans are just like him
http://www.opensecrets.org/indivs/search.asp?NumOfThou=0&txtName=Doyle%2C+Brian&txtState=%28all+states%29&txtZip=&txtEmploy=&txtCand=&txt2006=Y&txt2004=Y&txt2002=Y&Order=N
Well since they weren’t kind enough to provide a link to that campaign donation information, I looked it up. They’re talking about a Brian P Doyle, not Brian J Doyle. The only other Brian Doyle I think that it could be would be the one living in DC who donated $2000 to Kerry.
The moonbats are barking up the wrong tree again.
or a Brian S Doyle, rather
Obviously perverts just have it too easy these days. They used to have to work at being perverts, now it takes little effort.
Couldn’t they have busted Brian Doyle Murray instead?
I’d bet the majority of cyber-predators are liberals anyway. If they’d be OK with partial-birth abortions, they’d be OK with anything.
And remember this guy was the number 4 guy in public relations
shimauma-
And that’s why they keep me, despite my being Jewish.
You left out that we had to send our nudie pictures using the “Lite-Brite” compression algorithm.
I’m sorry am I the only one who feels that this a-hole needs to be castrated, and then set to Prison for some 300 pound hard core to love on for 30 yrs.
Not to mention this yo-yo worked for Homeland Security….makes me feel real secure with people like that runnig the show. All al queda has to do is send in the kids first and the Homeland Security boys start panting (or depanting whichever) and drooling all over the place!
Pediphiles need to be removed fom the face of this Planet…What a bunch of sick mothers
White Knight, You are not the only one who feels this way. I personally feel these sickos deserve the death penalty (no matter who they are). Castration’s just too nice for some folks.
That’s the reality of it in my mind, too. The notion that they only get jail time & “rehabilitation counseling” and maybe chemo-castration… it is one of the most ridiculous damn things I’ve ever heard. Seriously, how could they be set loose on society when we know that the majority of offenders are recidivists?
I had no idea Brian Doyle-Murray was even working for the government. We should all band together immediately in an IMAO-sponsored boycott of Caddyshack.
Sad sad.Child molestation is never funny.I will put up with a lot,but I’ll put a bullet between their eyes in a heartbeat for ruining the lives of the most innocent of our society.Forget jail time,forget any kind of castration.Kill em….kill em all.I dont care who they are.
Spazzmomma,
In addition to pedophiles, you’re gonna have to exterminate the teachers that are spoiling the innocent with leftist, communist agitprop.
Not that I’m defending the pedophiles. I more for the addition of shooting Lib teachers that mindrape our kids.