Many people are for deporting all the illegal immigrants, but none of those people seem prepared to answer the fundamental question: Who will pick the beans?
We are a country, a country of many beans in need of picking. But I am not going to pick those beans. You are not going to pick those beans. That leaves only the illegal immigrants left to pick our beans. Those beans will not pick themselves – that is a scientifically established fact. While self-picking beans are being genetically engineered, they have so far killed many goats in tests – not because the beans are poison, but because the bean plants killed and ate the goats. So, while we may strive towards a utopia of self-picking beans, it will turn into a dystopia if we live in constant fear of being killed and eaten by bean plants.
So, since the beans will not pick themselves without great danger to humanity, who will pick them when the illegal immigrants are gone? Some say prisoners should pick those beans; if you commit a crime, then you are sentenced to a life of bean picking. But do we really want prisoner beans? Prisoners are by their nature thieves and thus will steal our beans (or assault them). This is not a solution at all.
Can monkeys be trained to pick the beans? I don’t care if they can, because I will not eat beans picked by filthy monkeys. Monkeys should be locked in cages and kept away from our precious beans.
Other suggest robots be made to pick the beans, but it would take quite advanced robots to be know the intricacies of bean picking. Such robots will inevitably turn on us, and we will not be able to stop them. Robots are made of metal, and shooting them will do no good. Soon, we will be their slaves, and then we will all have to pick the beans for the robots’ evil purposes.
So, while some may say we should just deport all the illegal immigrants, they are only giving half the solution to the problem unless those people also have an answer for who will pick the beans. Actually, it’s less than half the solution because, as a wise man once said, 90% of life is picking beans, and only 10% is getting into America illegally.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “Who Will Feed the Dog?” and “Beans: The Vanguard of Civilization”.
First, I think!
I couldn’t read the column, because I’ve been picking beans and they got stuck in my eyes.
teenagers. the 4-5% of unemployed in this country. they need jobs that are stolen by the illegals.
but rounding up the illegals will cripple the Texas economy, since black beans are (last I checked, 10 years ago in college) the principal export of Texas.
Just deport the beans as well as the illegal immigrants. Problem solved, plus if they go crazy and mutate into goat-killing bean plants, we won’t have to deal with it!
I’m afraid you’ve missed the obvious, my friend. The beans are clearly in on the conspiracy.
Why, I remember an America that didn’t eat beans. Oh, we at hot dogs, apple pie, hamburgers and pizza. There were no beans in the meatloaf that Alice would proudly serve the Brady kids. There were no beans in turkey and/or pumpkin pie. And then they came…the beans. Suddenly, a new fad was born (you know how kids are), and suddenly seemingly EVERYONE had beans. There were bean casseroles for God’s sake.
And, naturally, the beans needed someone to pick them. Enter the illegal aliens.
Coincidence? Well, you can believe that if you like, my friend. The beans would like you to.
As for me, I won’t eat the filthy beans that have destroyed our America. No, I’ll send my beans to the commies. Eat your veggies, Putin.
Simple. You take the several thousand able-bodied people who are sapping welfare and put them to work. We give them money for sitting around their HUD housing(much better than I could afford for the first fifteen years I worked) and make them work for the money. Farms still get cheap labor, and if the welfare folks don’t like what they are doing, they can just look for a better job.
//Simple. You take the several thousand able-bodied people who are sapping welfare and put them to work.//
WAIT WAIT WAIT!! HOLD UP!! You mean to actually suggest that folks on welfare WORK for that money?? What the HELL are you thinking. You’re talking about messing with TRADITION!! Some families of FIVE generations (in 20 years time due to teen pregnancy)have had the ability to work bred out of them, so how dare you suggest they become forced labor to keep illegals from crossing our borders…MAN THAT’S JUST CRAZY TALK!!
In the meantime, I want to marry you and have your rightwing children…except I’m already married and can’t have kids anymore…WHERE WERE YOU 15 YEARS AGO????
I love you Wolfman Dan, keep posting.
Maybe we could make a trade. For every illegal that crosses the border we send one welfare recipient across to them?
SarahK,
Please, show some sensitivity. Black beans no longer wish to be referred to as ‘black.’ They prefer ‘African-American legumes’.
I know we’re all supposed to be funny and all on IMAO. But I just heard on Rushs’ show that the really BIG wetback protest is supposed to happen on May 1st! Yeah, you know, the big commie day of celebration! And, it’s being pushed by all the BIG Commie organizations right here in OUR U.S.A! They’re saying ; don’t work, don’t spend, etc! I SAY: AMREICA , go out there on May 1st and spend like a bunch of drunken libs at the D.N.C. on Casino Night! If the service is too slow, that business must be relying on too much illegal labor, SO LEAVE! And DON’T COME BACK! Go spend, spend, spend your money somewhere else! Shop ’till you drop! They (the illegals) think the U.S.A. will just stop without them! This country is chock full of the un-skilled laborers to replce them (at a higher wage of course). Personally, I don’t mind paying $5 for a freaking tomato (provided it’s a good tomato)! It’s high time we stop taking this crap off of this bunch of ungratefull asswipes! Call, E-mail, and write your elected officials now and keep your powder dry! LOCK AND LOAD AMERICA!
Oops, sorry I misspelled AMRICA. I’m a little pissed .
Dammit!
In addition to being prettier than me, SarahK stole my thunder on this issue. My sons really want to work but are hamstrung by draconian child labor laws. Let the young, strong, and not quite well educated enough yet PICK THE BEANS. They would be grateful for the opportunity.
Don’t worry, mudshark. As long as you can spell it without any “K”s, you’re ahead of most college students these days.
Even Bush said there are jobs that Americans won’t do. It’s not quite accurate. I’ll pick the beans, but not for less than $200,000 per year. I wouldn’t do ANY job for the wage level of an illegal alien. But we could negotiate.
Hey mudshark,the term “wetback’is not used here.Be a little more sensitive to our hosts backgrounds please.
Hey mudshark,
First off, I’m impressed that any of the fat junkie’s listeners can spell at all, you must have made it through the 6th grade.
But to the point of your post, what are the big commie organizations here in the USA? It’s the RNC that wants to mirror the CCCP.
It’s called the free market. Wages will rise until an American is willing to pick those beans. By subverting the labor market a guest worker program puts downward pressure on wages and produces fallaciously high “productivity” rates.
DohX’s, well said.
If this is work Americans won’t do then
let Bush pick the beans and McCain can
show the illegals the way home!
This needs to be a t-shirt
It’s great that all of us can post here, but really, do we need to trivialize what’s said by attaching racial slurs? It’s one thing to make fun of modern slang, pseudo-cultures and played-out stereotypes, but it’s another thing to use racial/cultural bias to convey an opinion. My children are bi-racial, and I challenge ANYONE to hurl a racial epithet to them in front of me, or their beautiful mother.
I don’t agree with open borders & “blind eye” ethics in hiring non-American labor when there is an issue of unemployment among American citizens, but I could not look at a child of any status & dismiss them as anything BUT an innocent child, no matter what I thought of their background. True, they may grow to be as misguided as their parents, but cultural transmission is not their fault.
I don’t aim this at anyone in particular on the IMAO group blog, as it’s been evident in several comment postings I’ve read (archives & so on), but I do think we can & ought rise above the temptation to let personal bias embellish what we think and say. Besides, there’s enough genuine hate propigated by trolls here.
Well put AlanABQ. My use of the “slur” was admittedly used in anger after seeing 100,000+ people “protest” in my home town while waving the flag of the government who stole their childrens’ future (remember the “nuevo peso”?). I have more relatives with spanish surnames than I can count, who are every bit as angry as am I about this subject. They are affected every bit as much as I am by the drain on tax paid resources, and these illegal immigrants expectations (and ingratitude) for more. The real problems lie in Washington D.C. as well as with the kleptocrats in Mexico City. Alan, you (and your family) have my sincerest apologies. To the hosts of IMAO, and anyone else who took serious offense, I apologize. As for fatbob, your statements speak well for you.
Incidentally, mudshark, do you like Ska music? You tag is also the name of a band I used to listen to.
AlanABQ. You bet! I’ll see if I can find it.
At this point the following question must be asked: If the illegal immigrants do the work that legal Americans won’t, but McCain and Kennedy make them legal Americans, why would they then wish to continue doing that work?
Indeed, Frank J: who will pick the beans?
NO, NO, No people. Think this through. First we plant nothing but genetically engineered beans, THEN we have the illegals pick them. Problem solved.
I have an idea. Why don’t we cede California to Mexico? What would we miss? Besides, Mexico would have it so screwed up in just a few years that they would probably give us free oil just to take it back. The only downside I see is the loss of Pebble Beach CG, but I’ve already played it twice so no big deal.
Hey, I live in California! I don’t want it to become an even bigger cesspool than it already is with all the liberals around ruining it, thanks.
Mudshark,
You a Phoenician?