So who do you think would win in the a fight between Jack Bauer and Superman? I think that’s easy: Jack Bauer would pull a piece of Kryptonite out of his rucksack and beat Superman with it until he told him the location of the Fortress of Solitude. A harder question is who would win in a fight between Jack Bauer and Batman. Batman is like crazy prepared; he probably has some sort of anti-rucksack device on his belt for just such an occasion.
Fred Thompson. And you knew that.
Aquaman would win. And I think you already knew that.
Btw, I think the anti-rucksack device is located right next to the shark repellant on Batman’s utility belt.
Batman would kidnap Kim Bauer and use her as leverage to force Jack Bauer to do his chores and laundry and oh yes kill superman.
Kim would walk right into this by disobeying her father’s staunch warnings, and then she would followup by whining incessantly.
Batman would win. Jack Bauer is just a pale immitation of Chuck Norris and Batman was trained by Chuck Norris.
Batman is always one of them weenie hollywood types that are pretrending to be a man. Bauer would totally dress them up in a moose costume and send them to Wasilla.
Batman’s over-preparedness would be his downfall. Jack knows that there is, tucked away in Batman’s utility belt, a Bat-anti-utility-belt device…
A piece of KryptonITE.
Batman would win, because he also has Jack Bauer Repellant on his belt next to the Shark Repellant. Jack Bauer would be repelled, then Batman would run him over with the Batmobile.
Jack Bauer would think he was going into that fight correctly – then suddenly find himself having one those “Playing the wrong game – the Old game” moments that the Joker had in The Dark Knight…
…the book, not the movie.
“…complaining that we were worse than the villians we fight. You laughed that scary laugh of yours and replied ‘Of course we are – we have to be’ “
– Superman
– MuscleDaddy
No, Jack Bauer would not beat Superman. If his rucksack was not lead-lined, then Superman would see the kryptonite from afar and kill Jack with his laser vision. If it was lead-lined, then Superman would notice he couldn’t see through it, assume the worst, and kill Jack with his laser vision, or maybe crush him with a bus. So, catch 22…
Look – Superman is really a weenie. My daughter could beat him up. I mean – why can’t he see through lead? Are his eyelids lined with lead? If not, how does he sleep? And if he is really so awesome, why does he worry about an alter-ego? If Superman is actually invincible, he shouldn’t be worried about somebody mugging him at the laundromat.
And Batman just doesn’t have the huevos to take on Bauer. Anyone who can capture a criminal but then can’t just cripple him and turn him loose to be killed by mob violence (the best kind of violence) like Iron Man will simply be tortured by Jack Bauer until he squeals like John Edwards. Batman may have a kevlar bodysuit and a belt but Jack Bauer can always go to a higher caliber. Always.
Hell Boy. Because he just doesn’t give a d*mn!
This is easy. Jack Bauer would win, of course. Chloe would stomp the crap out of Robin, which would make Batman cry over the loss of his little buddy. Jack would then take him out with a shot to the thigh.