Superhero Fights

So who do you think would win in the a fight between Jack Bauer and Superman? I think that’s easy: Jack Bauer would pull a piece of Kryptonite out of his rucksack and beat Superman with it until he told him the location of the Fortress of Solitude. A harder question is who would win in a fight between Jack Bauer and Batman. Batman is like crazy prepared; he probably has some sort of anti-rucksack device on his belt for just such an occasion.

13 Comments

  1. Batman would kidnap Kim Bauer and use her as leverage to force Jack Bauer to do his chores and laundry and oh yes kill superman.

    Kim would walk right into this by disobeying her father’s staunch warnings, and then she would followup by whining incessantly.

  2. Jack Bauer would think he was going into that fight correctly – then suddenly find himself having one those “Playing the wrong game – the Old game” moments that the Joker had in The Dark Knight…

    …the book, not the movie.

    “…complaining that we were worse than the villians we fight. You laughed that scary laugh of yours and replied ‘Of course we are – we have to be’ “
    – Superman

    – MuscleDaddy

  3. No, Jack Bauer would not beat Superman. If his rucksack was not lead-lined, then Superman would see the kryptonite from afar and kill Jack with his laser vision. If it was lead-lined, then Superman would notice he couldn’t see through it, assume the worst, and kill Jack with his laser vision, or maybe crush him with a bus. So, catch 22…

  4. Look – Superman is really a weenie. My daughter could beat him up. I mean – why can’t he see through lead? Are his eyelids lined with lead? If not, how does he sleep? And if he is really so awesome, why does he worry about an alter-ego? If Superman is actually invincible, he shouldn’t be worried about somebody mugging him at the laundromat.

    And Batman just doesn’t have the huevos to take on Bauer. Anyone who can capture a criminal but then can’t just cripple him and turn him loose to be killed by mob violence (the best kind of violence) like Iron Man will simply be tortured by Jack Bauer until he squeals like John Edwards. Batman may have a kevlar bodysuit and a belt but Jack Bauer can always go to a higher caliber. Always.

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