When I found out Obama has a Science! Czar, I was thinking I would be perfect for it. I am always coming up with great ideas involving Science! like dinosaurs with rocket launchers and robots. Plus, I’m like super smart and want everyone to know how smart I am; that’s pretty much the sine qua non for a liberal (see, I used Latin because I’m smart). Also, I like evolution; that’s how you get X-Men.
As the Science! Czar, I would recommend we respect Science! so as not to anger it and cause it to destroy us as it is wont to do. Science! is often exploding suns and hitting planets with asteroids, so it must be appeased and given proper credit for its wonders.
Also, I will educate people on how to tell real Science! from fake science. Real Science! will have a hologram sticker. Also, real Science! has an exclamation point.
I will also tell people of all the great things made by Science! such beer, lasers, whiffle ball bats, and Tyrannosaurus Rexes. Without Science!, our quarks wouldn’t even stay together and we’d disintegrate. Remember: Anytime you use anything that contains protons, give thanks to almighty Science!
So, President Obama, if you want someone smart and enthusiastic about Science!, consider me, Frank J., for Science! Czar. I am not a Communist, but I do have other qualifications. Also, I do well in circumstances where I have no accountability.
If you wan that post, ixnay on the akingmay unfay of obalglay ormingway.
don’t forget sharks with laser beams. I think you would do great at it, now only to get in contact with obama.
that would be awesome if obama read this blog post!
I don’t think you’ll get the job. You didn’t say “cracker” or “upside yo head”.
…. blinded me with science! Science!?
huh? Oh yeah!…
cracker!
Everytime I read “Science!”, I hear Crocker from Fairly Odd Parents yell “Fairies!”.
8)
Just tell him you’re a communist, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t actually check.
If that doesn’t work, try suggesting reparations for black holes.
Science has no place in the white house shame on all of you for considering it! Bush did fine without it – good enough for him good enough for you.
This is almost frightening to say, but:
Frank, you haven’t said enough crazy stuff to qualify.
Unfortunately for Frnak and the rest of us, as a taxpaying citizen of this country who also loves it, he doesn’t qualify for a Cabinet post in the current regime.
However, there is room for you here. /shameless plug
Is it true that in high school you were voted “Most Likely to Czar”?
But Frank, you have to hate people and come up with fun and ingenious ways to kill them. After all, we all KNOW that human beings are simply a cancer on the face of the earth and need to be eliminated. Just like we know global warming exists and terrorists really are our friends.
Dino’s with rocket launchers are great for small groups of human debris but you need to come up with something spectacular that will get rid of the human pests once and for all.
Besides Holdren the Holy already has the job and he already has a plan for mass serializations Just saying……………….
I always thought that Bolsheviks weren’t fond of Czars (Tsars). Judging but the appointments lately I guess I was mistaken.
“Also, I do well in circumstances where I have no accountability”.
PERFECT! Im gonna use that on my resume and in interviews….
One of the funniest posts ever! And funniest comments ever (we’re still laughing about reparations…)
You like never recommended coughing into your elbow like one of the other czars or something so you are already not that smart! The science czar has to be like the super brain. I guess you could come out and recommend teaching 4 year olds masturbation or something…
The federal government has an immediate opening for a “Science Czar.” No previous experience or even rudimentary knowledge of “science” required. Current political affiliation will be considered. Send your résumé to B. Obama c/o the White House, Washington DC. Non-communists and the Irish need not apply.