General McChrystal is working on a memoir of his time with the Obama administration, and IMAO has exclusively obtained some excerpts from it.
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I think the indication I we had that maybe President Obama was a bit of a wimp on the issue of war was when we first entered the room he sank in his chair and shrieked, “Scary military men!” And I wasn’t sure how much of our plans he actually heard since most of the time he was curled up in a ball under the table, sobbing uncontrollably.
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President Obama tired to be more engaged in the war planning, remaking how he liked all the pretty colors on the maps. He became disengaged again, though, when he couldn’t figure out how to relate the war in Afghanistan to passing a health care bill.
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I had to waste a lot of time again today answering Biden’s questions, repeatedly having to explain to him what a helmet is. I for one don’t know why they don’t make him wear one regularly.
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In retrospect, the way I gave Obama a wedgie in front of everyone and then forced him to do a mass e-mail telling everyone he has girl parts where man parts should be may have undermined his credibility as a leader and probably was a mistake.
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I eventually decided to just go ahead and tell Obama that we had tried hugs in Afghanistan because I got tired of him asking if we did at the beginning of each meetings. And how many times do I have to explain to him that you can’t replace the explosives in our bombs with rainbows?
“Petraeus became severely ill again when I told him he’d have to talk to Obama if he takes this job.”
General McChrystal was tired of telling Obama and his stooges the difference between a rifle and a gun.
“During our meeting, President Obama repeatedly invited me to play golf with him and his staff. For some unknown reason, he didn’t like me telling him that I would as soon as he demonstrates that he can “plug the damn hole” – in the Gulf, on the Golf course and in the White House.”
And in his memoirs he probably stated that when he went to the Men’s Room to take a leak, he found Obama Was squatting instead of standing.
As he was leaving after being chastised by Obama and his henchmen, he grabbed his crotch, and said “bite me.”
“i started to suspect Obama just might be a self centered idiot when he said “Forget all that war stuff. You want some autographed pictures of me? Look, I look just like a black Lenin in front of a halo on that one. And here’s one of me walking on water while I look like Lenin. Michelle really digs this one. Speaking of Michelle, I got a couple of pictures of me and Michelle both looking like Lenin. I’ll give you one of each if you don’t them I cried in fright when I first saw you.”
“Every time we met, George Stephanopolis would sit in on the meeting, apparently to “correct” the president each time he referred to me as an “Infidel” and remind him that he is not a Muslim.”
“It didn’t take much to trick Obama that the drove attacks he approved for RNC headquarters were actually assigned to Pakistan. He still thinks the republican party is run by Mullah Omar Limbaughji.”
I asked the President, “Are you far from the river?” He asked, “The Ohio River, sir?” “No,” I replied, “the river of pain that will befall you in 2010 and 2012.”
Help Wanted…..Description: Commanding Officer, Afghanistan
US President seeks to fill a FT position for Commanding Officer, Afghanistan, Three or four star general preferred, hours are: 24 Hrs per day, seven days per week, Pay DOE, Medical/Dental and 401k available.
Duties are: Daily receipting of orders from civilian authorities, preparing daily reports on conduct of war, commanding various assigned military units, reporting on all battles successful or not, keeping a happy face, not complaining (no matter what), no denigrating high government officials, no unauthorized interviews with the media, and other duties as may be assigned. Position also requires applicant to fully support current administration policies, occasional speeches to reflect this support. Applicant must be dependable, self-motivated and detail oriented, must have ability to keep mouth shut and negative opinions to self. West Point graduate preferred, battlefield experience helpful, political correctness a necessity.
Applications available at: White house, Washington DC, you may also fax resume, No phone calls, please.
you know, rather than just jumping on the bandwagon and calling this guy a hero for what he did, I did some research and found out the the man is actually a compete idiot, doesn’t know what he’s doing, in WAY over his head, and knows not the first thing about fighting a war or how to put together a foreign policy.
I’m glad someone in a high profile position finally said something, even at the expense of his job.
“I had a pretty good idea Obama was going to fire me when I entered the Oval Office and looked at the window and saw Michelle on her perch in the vegetable garden ruffling her feathers and saying “Off with his head, BAAAARRAAAACK! Off with his head, SQWAAAAK! Michelle want a cracker!”
“Biden was just siting in a corner trying to make a dollar out of 99 cents. What a bunch of loons!”
“Trust me, I’ve never been happier to be fired from a job. Dealing with those idiots was like having a daily root canal!”
I knew I was in trouble after they replaced my toilet with one with two bowls. Seems Petraeus needs that model after Obama chewed him a new a-hole during the Senate hearings.
Shouldn’t have told Rolling Stone about diverting defense funds to install screens on all the US golf holes after the Commandeerer In Chief kept getting his pointy little head stuck in them.
zzyzx:
You forgot to add on former General McChrystal’s job application “must remember to call for permission to shoot back after being shot at”.