So with all that’s going on in Egypt, people were expecting a big statement from Barack Obama. He did finally speak briefly yesterday, but it didn’t really seem like he said anything meaningful. Well, I’ll let you judge; here’s the transcript of his statement:
“With all that is going on, we want the people of Egypt to know unequivocally: We are aware of them. Egypt is a country, and it will continue to be a country. With pyramids. Pyramids built in 2560 B.C.
“But let me be clear: It is time for Honsi Mubarak to do things that are relevant to this situation. Things are happening, and things happening require responses. That’s why it is contingent on Mubarak to respond to these things that are happening with responses. We are firm on this.
“So, people of Egypt, know that you are not alone. For one thing, the air around you is filled with microbes. Also, there are crocodiles in the Nile. And I’m pretty sure your country has monkeys. And in this time of crisis, you all need to come together and be Egypt.
“We are in a special time right now. It is 2011. It is February. It’s a Tuesday. A time like this calls for a calendar. A calendar that we will look at and say, ‘This is the date. This is the date of the day that it is.’ People of Egypt: The calendar is open. The day that is today is happening now. That day is circled. And beyond that day are other days. The future. Like February 18th. And March 4th. And, though it seems so far away, June 27th. Days in the future, that you will see together as one country. A country that exists in some state of being.
“Egypt, America stands with you. Well, not really with you, but over here. Where I’m standing. Hello. Hope things go well. And whatever happens, we’ll be over here and you can say ‘Hi!’ whenever you like.
“I am done talking now.”
The One must be elevated to a more exalted and appropriate position! I hereby declare Barack H. Obama the first Prince of Pablum!
Irony = Frank’s speech is better and clearer than the one actually given.
Every time the husband of Sasquatch opens his mouth, I am more embarrassed for our country.
Seeing how the muslim “Christian” that the moronic 52.7% elected to represent these U.S. isn’t that one speaking to anything in the ME a conflict of interest?
I lost it with the microbes line. Well done.
Jimmy Carter Jr. votes Present!
Another W.T.F. moment from our Commander In Chief!
Sadly, Frank’s speech was probably more coherent and useful to the Egyptian people than the real one. I say “probably” because every time the Idiot opens his mouth, I instantly go to sleep so I’m not sure exactly what he really said.
Such a gross departure from the real speech. Obama would never say he’s done talking. He’d say, “Though you love the sound of my voice, I must end this speech and open the floor to questions thereby giving myself yet another reason to hear the sound of my own voice.”
Meanwhile, Joe Biden was off to the side asking, “Hey how come the Egyptians aren’t walking like they do in that Bengals video?”
Let me be clear. I swallowed my coffee before I read that. And it was a good ting, too. Ok, I admit I was gulping my coffee. Well, not actually good, because then I laughed and couldn’t drink any more for while. Well, maybe a minute. Ok, several seconds. But then the chuckles came back as I kept reading and I was like thinking how much Frank loves this President! And now I’m drinking more coffee. Well, sipping it, actually. Carefully. And my nose is clear – of coffee. But my cup is empty now… I blame Frank.
Where’s the part when he blames it all on Bush? You sure that’s the full transcript?
Barrack is the superfluous middle man. At some point cost cuts are going to mean the TOTUS is just going to have to start delivering these speeches on its own. If the totus ever breaks down they will probably just start tattoing the standard “speech” form on Joe Biden.
I would bet 20$ that in the next few days Obama will call Egypt with a 3am phone call crying “Why are you doing this to me? Cant you see I’m not Boooosh???” :*(
Addendum: I have been to Egypt. I have also been to Stockholm, but that’s a different story. Anyway, while I was in Egypt, I talked about your Science! achievements, and I believe that you should already be feeling good about the good things I said to you. I also talked about how our massive clash of cultures should not define us. Rather, I think our differences should unite us. I firmly believe that we share common principles. I can’t think of one at the moment, but I’ll let you know when I do. Oh, now I remember, my pop was a Muslim. I think that should unite us even though you think my Christianity is apostasy punishable by death. Lastly, I would like to say that as inventors of the Renaissance, you should look to the great Renaissance thinkers for guidance. In closing, I would like all of you to note that Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim name, so you can trust me.
obama, who was born in a country, who has very nearly voted on important issues, and who reads speeches written by people about things, really well… usually.
i hear he’s the leader of some group of people now.
As Obama said, it is time for an orderly transition to democracy to begin…however, screw Egypt, it needs to begin here in America.
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Obama wants to offer his leadership to Egypt and be thought of as their Two Tone Tutankhamun. But only if Steve Martin will sing a song about him on SNL and he and Michelle get to wear those little skirty outfits.
I think I have the solution to all of Mubarak’s problems. What he needs to do is gather all his supporters, and have them ride down on the protesters with whips. Then while they are whipping the protesters, they start making them pile and shape rocks, into some kinda big pyramid thing. Do this every day for twenty years, and the dissidents will be to tired to rebel. Then when Mubarak dies, he can be buried inside his greatest legacy. Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?
Sounds like BHO just wants Egypt, too,
to follow the sage advice of
that beloved TV host,
“Have your President spayed or neutered.”- Bob Barker