So Paul Ryan has this big new budget proposal to cut trillions, and the Democrat response is, “It’s a tax cut for the rich and going to throw seniors out on the street and hurt chil– *YAWN* –oh, I’m so sleepy.” I mean, this is a huge deal, and all the Democrats have is their pro forma response to everything. And I think even they understand it’s not going to quite cut it this time as everyone knows that Obama failed to lead on this issue — I mean he is just a big useless sack of fail — and now you have Paul Ryan come out as the only adult in Washington. It makes the whole current government shutdown squabble about 30 to 100 billion in cuts seem pretty pathetic.
So Dems are really going to have to up their demagoguery game to be bitter obstructionists clinging to their pathetic political power. Here’s some new possible claims to make to really grab attention:
If Paul Ryan’s budget gets passed…
…homeless people will burst into flames.
…every child’s new puppy will die.
…seniors will no longer be protected from robots and their metal claws.
…handicapped children will be put in stocks and laughed at.
…the Koch brothers will hide in your closet and steal your breath at night.
…polar bears will flee melting ice caps and wait in dark alleys to maul you.
…society will collapse and the cast of Jersey Shore will become warlords.
…doctors will form death squads executing sick people without insurance.
…everyone will end up like Charlie Sheen.
…poor people will be sent to forced labor camps on the moon.
…Haliburton will kill you, break your body down into its component chemicals, and sell them.
…Rebecca Black will be commissioned to make songs for every day of the week.
…everywhere you look, there will be nothing but disgusting fat kids.
…we Democrats are just going to whine and whine and whine until you can’t stand it anymore.
…everywhere you look, there will be nothing but disgusting fat kids.
This isn’t hypothetical anymore.
Poor people will be sent to the moon? Then we will nuke the moon and viola! No more poor people! Problem solved. We all hate poor people and this is like an awesome answer to the problem.
As for the fat kids, we will need to come up with something for that! I hate fat kids too! I hated fat kids when I was a kid! Maybe we can make a robot that melts fat. So you will be walking along the sidewalk and there will be like a spot and you can tell Buttercup, that was a fat kid that a Robot melted, so don’t become a fat kid! Buttercup will be running marathons by the time she is like 3 years old!
Then there are all the old people, but according to the Democrats they are all going to die off if the Government shuts down. So that will be cool because when I try to get in to see my Doctor there are always like old sick people there. If they all die when the Government shuts down, I will slide into my Doctor like driving through McDonald’s!
…we Democrats are just going to whine and whine and whine until you can’t stand it anymore.
Don’t they already do this?
Only for the last fifty years Johnny45….only for the last fifty years….
No zzyzx, they’ve been whining since at least the 1800s.
Check out what they had to say for the 1864 election where they whined about wanting to lose a war. (I’m not saying anything about that war except that the Dems wanted to lose it even as the Union was about to win)
As for the suggested slogans, except for the Charlie Sheen and Jersey Shore bits, I could be convinced on all of them.
I would just want to have enough time to become poor so I could be sent to the Moon. I want to hang out with the Prof and Mycroft Holmes.
AIEEE !! (said with the words not matching the mouth movements) “Budgetcutzilla will come and kill each and everyone of us !!!”
Cut the budget and Obama won’t have enough money to go on vacation. Then you’ll be stuck with him.
Unicorns will run out of Skittle-and-rainbow poo food.
You’re right Veeshir I forgot about the Copperheads.
Everyone will end up like Charlie Sheen…does this mean I’ll have to take up smoking again?
Black people will riot. …oh wait, that actually happens…usually after a playoff game.
…Dick Cheney will finally realize his plan to diet exclusively on still-beating human hearts.
…NPR and Planned Parenthood will be defunded. (HA!)
…Cowboy poetry will no longer exist in the state of Nevada.
…We may never understand the habits of Asian ants.
…Nor will we be able to grasp how monkeys feel about cocaine.
…Glenn Beck will have his way with your daughters.
…The oceans will rise.
-Everyone will have Gary Busey’s teeth
-Children will grow up speaking like Yoda
-Dick Cheney will declare himself dictator
-Every woman will have a padlock placed on her uterus
-There will, in fact, be snakes on a plane
-Schools will be torn down and made into book burning pits
-Racism germs will leak into the water and infect us all
-The Stay-Puft marshmallow man will come and rage throughout NYC
-The magical money tree will be torn down through deforestation
Hey Frank, I said nice things about you in your retirement announcement post, so whyizzut that my comment got moderated? The comment is prolly not worth moderating, but I like to amuse myself if no one else.
SOILENT GREEN is PEOPLE!!! IT’S PEOPLE!!!
…It will all still be BUSH’S FAULT!!!!!
…the terrorists will have won.
…Sarah Palin will drill an oil well in your backyard.
…the KKK will take your baby away.
Zippy the Pinhead will have to be laid off as Michelle’s fashion consultant.
Barney Frank will have to burn his office door for heat.
Conservative women will have to wear burkas and liberal ones only thongs.
-The Stay-Puft marshmallow man will come and rage throughout NYC
Don’t go making promises to upstate you can’t keep.
-…Rebecca Black will be commissioned to make songs for every day of the week.
O dear Lord NO!!!!!!!
I still haven’t recovered from attempting to listen to it out of curiosity. (ow)
Paul Ryan still isn’t an adult until his proposed budget is balanced. That’s right, deficit-free.
@Cat: Sarah Palin builds an oil well in your back yard would make an awesome reality TV show. It would be like the Harrison Ford barn raising scene in the movie Witness except that they wouldn’t wear black hats, and they’d build oil wells instead of a barn: “It takes a family to raise a child, but it takes a village to raise an oil derrick.”
Frank, you stole my word.
seniors will no longer be protected from robots and their metal claws
Does that include seniors in high school and in college? I’ve been both of those, and I don’t remember being protected from robots. Of course, there weren’t
any robots when I was a senior in high school, or, come to think of it, when I was a senior in college. Actually, there are a whole lot of things now that there weren’t then.
seniors in High School and College will be treated by a special Senior in High School or College Robot. When you become a Senior in High School or College you must get a bar code stamped on your forehead. The special Robot will have a super high tech bar code reader and if he sees that you have a Senior in High School or College Bar Code, he will pick you up and first pull your head out of your ass, before stuffing back in, only much farther this time!
DemocRats will have to find a new point of view: http://www.gambino.com/funstuff/obvious.htm
“…we Democrats are just going to whine and whine and whine until you can’t stand it anymore.”
Cue banner reading: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Democrats don’t “whine”! They squeal like pigs bellied up to the trough of public money which is being taken away from them. Poor little piggies!
That whole thing about Jersey Shore people becoming warlords is pretty scary. I don’t think I want to risk it.
On the other hand there are some good things the Left will do as shown on http://www.saveourtigers.com/JoinTheRoar.php
A million Tigers will be released in New York City. That should take care of all the poor people.