Archive of entries posted on 8th April 2011

In My World: Let Them Eat Hybrids

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White House transcript of President Obama’s answer in a town hall when asked by a concerned citizen about rising gas prices:

I know some of these big guys, they’re all still driving their big SUVs. You know, they got their big monster trucks and everything, driving around with these blank dumb looks on their faces. (Laughter) You’re one of them? Well, I guess I did see you furrowing your brow like you weren’t quite understanding me. Am I right? (Laughter).

Well, now, here’s my point. If you’re complaining about the price of gas and you’re only getting eight miles a gallon in your moron redneck car–(Laughter)–you may have a big family, but it’s probably not that big. How many you have? Ten kids, you say? Ten kids? Wow. You really are some freak. (Laughter.) Well, you definitely need a hybrid van then. (Laughter) We should all be trading in our cars for hybrids… I mean I won’t, because of my special presidential limo. But everyone else should–even the rednecks with their idiotic monster trucks and freakishly large families like you. (Laughter).

So, like I said, if you’re getting eight miles a gallon you may want to think about a trade-in. You can get a great deal. I promise you, GM or Ford or Chrysler, they’re going to be happy to give you a deal on something that gets you better gas mileage. What’s that? You don’t have money for a trade-in? Really? It couldn’t be more than $40,000. What are you? Barely living over the poverty level earning just $200,000 or something? Didn’t realize you’re like an inbred pig farmer or something. (Laughter). Well, I guess you’ll just have to scrounge some more money together. When I need to do that, I just put out another memoir. It’s really easy, and you don’t even have to write because I assume you’re illiterate. (Laughter). You just go to a nearby university and get your tenured terrorists friend to write it. What? You don’t have a tenured terrorist friend? (Laughter). Hey! Everyone! Look at this guy here! He doesn’t even know a tenured terrorist! What a stupid redneck! Probably only knows pigs and hillbillies. (Laughter). I guess you’ll just have to write your own memoir like an idiot. Now why don’t you go back to your pig farm and help train your ten freak kids for the Special Olympics, you stupid redneck. I’m guessing all us city folk are confusing you. (Laughter).

Americans are so stupid. (Laughter).

Wisconsin Surprise

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Wow, that’s pretty funny what happened in Wisconsin. Since the union thugs were putting all their effort into that election, I was just happy it was close. Still, I thought with just a 204 vote margin that Kloppy-burger person was jumping the gun to give a victory speech.

And then — BOOM! — “Whoops! Just totally forgot about 7000 votes for Prosser.” So from razor thin lead for Kloppy to insurmountable lead of Prosser. And it’s all the more fun because the stupid left thought they won. Nothing like interrupting them with this halfway through their victory dance. The reaction of Michael Moore alone is priceless.

Wouldn’t it be nice if all close elections ended this way? Anyway, here is a reimagining of the 2000 election:

After the stunning photo finish in Florida where Al Gore won the state by just 204 votes, Gore gave his victory speech before an ecstatic cheering crowd, “The American people have spoken! And I am humbled vy the faith you have entrusted in me to be your president. Now, I can barely wait to enact all the ideas I have to help us–”

It was at this point that George W. Bush ran on to stage, interrupting the speech. “They just found 7000 more votes!”

“What?” a clearly befuddled Gore asked.

“Yep! 7000 votes for me in Florida someone just done forgot about. Ain’t it crazy!” Bush faced the now quite silent Gore supporters. “I’m president now, you stupid hippies!” Bush then drew two revolvers and fired them in the air while yelling, “Yee-haw! Let’s start some illegal wars for oil!” He then French-kissed Tipper.

A dejected, tearful Al Gore was later seen stuffing his face with pie.

Or maybe it did happen that way. It was over a decade ago; I barely remember.

Smelly candles, plastic flowers, and scratching posts

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So, now the big news is that it looks like the government might shut down. Like that’s a bad thing.

All this time, those of us on the right have been complaining about the size of government. Now, it might shut down. And I say “Good!” It could use a good shutting down.

Only, the government really won’t shut down.

“National parks, national forests and the Smithsonian Institution would all be closed. The NIH Clinical Center will not take new patients, and no new clinical trials will start,” he added in a roll call of expected agency closings.

But the air traffic control system would stay up and running, the emergency management agency would still respond to natural disasters and border security would not be affected.

That means that the government will still operate to some degree, but non-essential personnel will be sent home:

…John Gage, president of the American Federation of Government Employees, the largest federal employee union… (said) “Employees are apparently going to be told to report to work Monday (then) they will be released, and those who are nonessential, nonexempt will be released and the other ones will be told to stay.”

What’s all this mean?

It means that those of us on the right were right all along. The government is full of people whose jobs aren’t necessary. And they don’t even know who they are.

There are too many non-essentials when the economy is good and the government isn’t running a deficit. It’s even worse during this Obama economy.

There’s word that some military might not get paid. Which means what? That the Obama administration considers them non-essential? That sounds like a bunch of stupid liberals. Gotta fund those abortion clinics, but not so much the American soldier.

The military is one of the essentials. But there are plenty of non-essentials in the government today.

Now, I don’t think that non-essentials are necessarily a bad thing. I’m sitting at a computer right now. Not the cheapest computer, either. I spent around $3,000 for this MacBook Pro. That’s a lot of money. And, I could have made do with a $400 Dell, I suppose.

And, looking around the room, I see a fish tank. We don’t eat the fish, so it’s non-essential. There are some trinkets on the coffee table and shelves. Some plastic flowers. A Rubik’s Cube (what’s that doing on the coffee table?). Candles. A scratching post for the cat.

Non-essentials.

In tough times, we wouldn’t have all them.

And that’s what the government is full of: non-essentials.

Lots of people who work for the government are trinkets and plastic flowers. Some are smelly candles.

The military is more like the doors, walls, shotguns, and such: they protect us and keep us safe. Not a whole lot of smelly candles and plastic flowers there.

For the U.S. to come out ahead on this, they need to send the non-essentials home. And leave them there. Let the non-essentials get a real job.

Oh, sure, there are lots of people out of work right now. Non-essentials.

I’m not saying they aren’t qualified. I’m saying their job wasn’t needed when they lost it.

I don’t mind so much when business hires non-essentials. They are in the business to make money. And, when they make money, they have more money to spend on the non-essential jobs. Which, after a while of being done exceptionally, gets more focus and becomes essential.

The government, not so much. The business world is hurting because it has to cut non-essentials while the government keeps the plastic flowers and scratching posts on the payroll.

The government should get rid of all those smelly candles and plastic flowers. Then, they wouldn’t spend so much money.

And you could have more smelly candles, plastic flowers, and scratching posts.

Personally, I don’t care about smelly candles, plastic flowers, and scratching posts. Wife likes them, though. And things are better when she’s happy.

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