I’m getting tired of the usual Obama rumors about him being a Muslim born in Kenya, so I thought I’d work on some new ones.

NEW OBAMA RUMORS

* He can talk to fish.

* He was unaware of the progression of days in the weekend until he heard the song “Friday.”

* His alter ego is Justin Bieber.

* He bitterly clings to his large collection of Cabbage Patch Kids dolls.

* He spends all day wishing he were a Na’vi.

* All the use of teleprompters is just to distract from the fact that he’s illiterate.

* He has our nuclear secrets for sale on Craigslist.

* He won’t make any decision without first consulting his most trusted advisor: Clip-Clop, his favorite pony.

* He’s not really black.

* His budgets are a result of him never having learned how simple addition and subtraction works.

* He has an irrational fear of ninjas.

* He’s already sold half of America for magic beans.

* He was extremely confused by the plot of Inception because he thought Leonardo DiCaprio died on the Titanic.

* He doesn’t know where China is and is afraid to ask.

* Half the time he accidentally signs his name as “Osama”.

* Part of his win the future strategy is to sell us all out to the machines.

* He owns a ferret.

If you have any good rumor ideas, put them in the comments. The best ones we’ll pass on to Trump.

So we got like $38.5 billion in new cuts. I guess that’s good, but the battle for it seems kind of pointless when there are trillions to cut. Of course, the Democrats are less than useless on this issue; they actually wanted to increase spending in the budget. I’d call them terrorists, but that would downplay the harm they could do to this country. They could actually cause a complete collapse if they keep going the way they’re going, and it’s all for selfish political gain.

Just doesn’t seem like we can get much done with all the losers we have in Washington. A lot of them seem like they were elected through some joke “Vote for the Worst” campaign and the others are “meh” at best and need a ton of political threats to do anything slightly useful. Sure would be nice if we made some constitutional “Flush the Losers” provisions where we dump the entire legislative branch ands start over.

Anyway, here is the problem: You have a few dummies who guzzle paint in some districts elect idiots who uselessly spend billions of our money, and we can’t do anything about it. We need some provision to allow people other districts to intervene and tell one of these districts, “Sorry, no; you have to elect someone else.” This idea of independent districts was fine when the government was limited, but now that’s it’s bloated so much we should all get some say on every nationally elected figure since they effect us all. Yeah, this will mean we’ll lose some of our favorites, but there are no politicians I like so much I wouldn’t trade them to get rid of the horrible ones on the other side. Anything that causes more politicians not to be reelected I count as a major plus.

Anyway, just some outside the box thinking. We have to make trillions in cuts to save the country, and I’m not sure the current system is up to that task. Thus, we need some really new ideas to take this on. If this idea doesn’t work, next one will involve robots and dinosaurs.