* FOX News’s Twitter feed was hacked so that they reported that Obama was assassinated early yesterday morning. And there have already been a number of false death scares of famous people started on Twitter. So don’t believe everything you read on Twitter; the information on it is not carefully vetted like everything else on the internet.
And always believe everything you read on IMAO. I even provide links in these stories to prove they’re real. Don’t click on the links, though, because that just shows you don’t trust me and it makes me mad.
* Hugo Chavez has announced to his supporters that he’ll beat cancer, though cancer has also announced it’s not going to let this PR coup get away from it.
Chavez is being treated in Cuba where, thanks to socialized medicine, doctors have access to the internet to look up on Wikipedia what is cancer.
* There’s talk of Obama replacing Joe Biden as his running mate in 2012. I don’t buy it; it would just smell too much of desperation.
“First black president! Pretty exciting, huh? Oh, you don’t consider that exciting anymore. Well… uh… how about a new VP! Exciting!”
Biden was a pretty stupid choice, though. I guess since he had been in the Senate so long, they assumed he would know something useful, but that’s what you call really bad logic. As I’ve said numerous times, it’s just so easy to coast in the Senate. Your party will tell you how to vote based on what they want and your electability, and — considering what state you’re from — you can just coast like that for decades.
But, anyway, if they replaced Biden, he’d be all like, “That’s okay; I didn’t want to be VP anymore,” but everyone would see his sad face and get mad at Obama like he kicked a puppy. Plus, if the Democrats really want to show they’ve woken up and take America’s concerns seriously, they should replace the guy at the front of the ticket.
* So anyone know what we’re accomplishing in Libya yet? They keep talking about how we need to depose Qdaffy, so why don’t we just go in and do it? I mean, it’s a dinky little country, we should be able to just march in and seize Qdaffy and then fire him out of a cannon into the sea. Then we’ll be like, “There. We deposed him.” And everyone will be like, “You just fired him out of a cannon!” And we’ll be like, “That’s what ‘depose’ means. It’s Greek for ‘to fire out of a cannon’.” And they’ll be like, “Greeks didn’t have cannons!” And we’ll be like, “SHUT UP OR WE’RE DEPOSING YOU NEXT!”
* A California official has called for Riverside and twelve other counties to secede from California. As I’ve said before, if they’re careful splitting California into three, they could get up to two working states out of the deal. Really, secession is the only smart thing to do for most Californians… that or sink certain parts of California into the sea. You’ll probably want to start with where all the politicians are — the state capital… oh wait, that’s inland. It will be hard to sink into the sea. Maybe orchestrate some mudslide that will cover the whole thing? Eh, I guess just go with secession; it sounds easier. Make sure to build large fences around old California, though.
* Transformers: Dark of the Moon has already taken in nearly $400 million worldwide. I mean its just a bunch of giant, incomprehensible, CGI robots smashing each other, but people are flocking to it. I mean, you’d think the last one — Transformers: Long, Giant Headache — would have convinced everyone to have nothing to do with Transformers ever again, but I guess the siren’s call of giant, incomprehensible, CGI robots smashing each other is just too much to resist. I don’t know why people would expect to understand or be entertained by that, but perhaps they are more hopeful souls than I. We’re really nearing the point, though, that we could have computers randomly generate blockbusters. They already do all the special effects, and with all the standard cliches, can you really tell me that a computer couldn’t have written the script for Avatar?
* In other movie news, the new Captain America movie will simply be titled The First Avenger in Russia, Ukraine, and South Korea, leaving “America” out of the title. In America it will be called Captain America: The First Avenger, and in all other countries it will be called Captain America: Captain of the Country That’s Way Better Than Your’s, Losers.
* I’ve decided to try out “Nuke the News” as the title for this feature, based on Banta_Fodder’s suggestion. Thus, I will preliminarily give him HIGH PRAISE.
It’s your wit an intelligence that keeps IMAO going, Bantha_Fodder.
Bantha_Fodder, more like Ban The Fopper.
Great edition of Franchorman this week, you stupid Phlegm.
You are so informative…however I think there’s a problem with one of your stories. I went to Wikipedia to look up what is cancer….all I got was a picture of Barack Obama. I do not think it will help the Cuban “doctors”.
Ussjimmycarter is going to be all over this Bantha_Fodder stuff.
Ban The Fåpper. LOL
California will not split into two or more states. At least until they decide if the border is the northern or southern end of the Rose Bowl.
I dunno about putting Biden out to pasture, given that he’s been out to pasture for some time. To make it work, the move would need to seem to be Biden’s “decision.” This reminds me of Spiro T. Agnew’s decision to resign the office of the Vice Presidency. Spiro didn’t take it well. In fact he wrote a book about it, _Go_Quietly,_or_Else_. In Biden’s case, it’d be something like _It’s_Not_a_Big_Ephin’_Deal,_so_Get_Over_It_.
Exit trivia: Who engineered Spiro’s exit on the basis that a double impeachment would throw the Presidency to the Speaker of the House? That would be Al Haig, who was also the person chosen to inform Spiro T. that he was to resign.
Exit exit trivia: Given that Haig, Nixon, et al, agonized over getting rid of Agnew in order to keep the Presidency out of the Speaker’s hands, is it likely that Haig had any confusion about the order of Presidential succession (versus the order of emergency administrative control)?
Like I have mentioned many times to many folks, I am just an idea Bantha, whether folks like, dont like, or use my ideas its really up to them.
It’s not my fault that I am so awesome that my ideas stand out to the most intelligent folks and are then used.
I cant help it, its like magic or a really bad case of food poisoning, or was it too much sun and A LOT of beer – hmm
If “Nuke the News” doesn’t work out…how ’bout “Frank Spews the News” as a replacement?
I never believe anything anyone says on Twitter unless they say “I’m teh ghey” – that’s believable.
Obama replacing Biden would smell of desperation. But would that be so much worse than Biden’s smell of cheap gin and Ben-Gay?
Biden and Bantha Fodder are both “out standing in the field”.
I almost always click on Frank’s link. Just to piss him off. Hehe.
Biden and Bantha Fodder are both “out standing in the field”.
now you are just being mean
“FOX News’s Twitter feed was hacked so that they reported that Obama was assassinated early yesterday morning. And there have already been a number of false death scares of famous people started on Twitter. So don’t believe everything you read on Twitter; the information on it is not carefully vetted like everything else on the internet.”
Yet another glaring example of the fact that Twitter is ghey.
A few observations:
(1) Frank’s high praise is “preliminary” by which he meant “tentative” which means you all still have a chance! So let ’em rip! I feel kinda devious saying that and destroying another thread of comments. Of course, if Frank actually did mean “preliminary” then that is just the beginning of all the high praise that Frank will be giving to Bantha_Fodder.
(2) Bantha_Fodder stinks. Literally, he smells. That is not a dis. It is just a well known fact.
(3) Frank does not “spew” nor does he “yank” nor does he “spoon”, to my chagrin. I know this is a surprise to those of us who read the web without loading images because we missed the samurai dubya cowboy and the actual nuking of the moon logo and t-shirts. But next time Frank asks, let’s try to be a little more consistent with his
fetishescharacter.Biden was a genius VP pick, perfect anti-assassination insurance for Obama just imagine:
Inbred KKK member 1: We cain’t let no be president, I is gonna shoot him!
Inbred KKK member 2: Slow down there and think this through Bubba, two words: President Biden
Inbred KKK member 1: Dagnabbit Billy-Joe I ain’t gonna do that to my country, guess I gotta let the live. President Biden, I thunk I just puked in my mouth.
Nuts, my last post reads a lot better when I remember that the greater than and less than signs are not equivalent to ( ), should have read as below
Biden was a genius VP pick, perfect anti-assassination insurance for Obama just imagine:
Inbred KKK member 1: We cain’t let no (N-word) be president, I is gonna shoot him!
Inbred KKK member 2: Slow down there and think this through Bubba, two words: President Biden
Inbred KKK member 1: Dagnabbit Billy-Joe I ain’t gonna do that to my country, guess I gotta let the (N-Word) live. President Biden, I thunk I just puked in my mouth.
It’s your wit an intelligence that keeps IMAO going, Bantha_Fodder.
Can we get back to the spam, please?
Bantha_Fodder stinks. That is not a well known fact. It is a dis.
Alas, we are surely doomed.
If Bantha_Fodder (and I said underscore “underscore”) is so good, then when is Frank gonna invite him/her to guest blog? Hummmm?
Let’s see whatchu got.
(I think there used to be a Cannon_Fodder here, too, but he/she got shot out of Frank’s MexiCannon!)
Apply lips here and suck! Apply lips here and suck! Apply lips here and suck! Apply lips here and suck…oh…sorry, I was just reading about Bantha_Fodder and FrankJ’s new “relationship”. Brokeback IMAO!!!
“now you are just being mean”
Not sure what you mean by “now”.
I’m not sure I want to win any high praise with you lot around to heap derision on it.
Of course Bantha-Fodder smells that’s what attracts the Bantha.
OK I googled Bantha fodder. It is a was a type of food eaten by Banthas. The phrase “Bantha fodder” was also used as an insult, as the substance smelled extremely foul. Alternatively, “poodoo”—”fodder” in Huttese—was used for the same purpose. Thank you Woolieepedia. Not up on my Nerdspeak. I learned there were 3 other Star Wars movies…Frank can you confirm that for us and provide a link?
Ed, why did you have to google Bantha Fodder? Come on now, Star Wars my good man!
Frank, if you love Bantha Fodder so much why don’t you just go to NY and marry him?! Hmmf!
You won’t have to worry about winning high praise if you keep implying that Frank is a Bantha, hwuu hoo.
Poking the bear, Edthe? Frank does not “confirm”, Frank nukes.
Carolyn, your “y” and disdain for googling Star Wars intimidate me.
Uh oh…I think I have a Bantha_Fodder streak in my shorts… Oops!
ITS GOOD TO BE FRANK about the news…