When it comes to cologne, your two main scent options are: "grandfather" and "date rapist".
— Mike Leffingwell (@mikeleffingwell) February 25, 2014
every time you adopt an orphan you significantly decrease their chance of becoming batman
— dan (@oxygenplug) February 25, 2014
is that a bitcoin in your pocket or are your arousal levels wildly fluctuating?
— rstevens 3.01 (@rstevens) February 26, 2014
I'm sorry son but your dog went to live on a farm. It's where all dead dogs go. It's a dead dog farm. It's really gross lol
— Jeffrey Hadz (@Hadzilla) February 26, 2014
I have a Homer Simpson potholder. It hasn't been funny for years. Either.
— Nap Enthusiast (@MetricButtload) February 27, 2014