I don't want a car that gets more than 60 miles per gallon, I want a government that gets more than 3 hours per billion.
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) February 18, 2014
Where are the people who describe themselves as religious but not spiritual?
— Uncle Dynamite (@UncleDynamite) February 18, 2014
Saw a guy in an electric wheelchair try to cross a flooded street and my Oregon Trail experience told me he was about to lose his supplies
— Brian Essbe (@SortaBad) February 19, 2014
YOU FOOL! THE GLUTEN-FREE CUPCAKE WAS ON YOUR PLATE ALL ALONG!
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) February 19, 2014
A guy that tells bad jokes, one that likes birds, one that collects coins & one who enjoys puzzles. Batman you're fighting an old folks home
— Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) February 19, 2014
US authorities issued new warnings about shoe bombs on airplanes, because one of their top fruitcakes had a dream about them or something
— Michael Kupperman (@MKupperman) February 19, 2014
Take a minute to yell at a teen today.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) February 20, 2014
how exactly does one look a baby directly in the eye and name him Stanley
— chuuch (@ch000ch) February 22, 2014
When I was your age, we had to walk all the way to the mailbox for our Netflix *puffs pipe* yerp, seasons came 1 disc at a time back then
— sadvil (@crylenol) February 24, 2014
Harry Potter's invisibility cloak would be great for when you say goodbye to someone and start walking the same direction as them.
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) February 24, 2014
My favorite slogans of the day:
“We retain the right to refuse service to anyone.”
“If I’d known you were coming, I’d have
baked a cakegone out the back door.”“No shoes, no shirt, no service, no sh!t! And our bathrooms are closed.”