Rumor has it there’s thoughts of reviving “All in the Family” and “The Jeffersons”.
But will Archie still have a fondness for one-eyed Jewish black men?
Might be interesting. Make Archie Bunker Japanese & have him make bigoted remarks about all other races, faiths, colors, & nationalities. I’m picturing George Takei ranting about his “Polack” son-in-law, and I’m already giggling.
And George Jefferson was always just a black Archie, anyway, so make him Korean. He’ll still hate Archie just as much, but very few people will get why.
Since we’re rebooting, here’s a few others they may bring back:
Three’s Company – A very gay Jack Tripper has to convince his very gay landlord that he’s straight so that he can live with a gay couple and not make it seem like the weird threesome thing it actually is (Polygamy? Ewww! How deviant!)
Adam 12 – Malloy and Reed are both black and spend their entire shifts trying to keep white officers from summarily executing unarmed black suspects. Black Lives Matter meets Blue Lives Matter, and the winner is social justice.
Bosom Buddies – Kip & Henry are once again cross-dressing men living in a hotel for women, but this time they do it openly, and they must fight oppression and force their co-residents to accept their lifestyle, ease their restrictive residential rules, and bake them cakes.
Emergency! – The crew of Los Angeles County Fire Dept. Station 51 are back, except now all the firefighters are woman. And they still handle every situation perfectly despite having an inherent lack of upper body strength. And even though they were accepted under lowered physical standards, they never actually have to carry an overweight adult from a burning building, so they’re just as good as any man. Equality!
Bewitched – Samantha’s not an actual witch with magical powers anymore, just a practicing Wiccan whose bizarre rituals (and even bizarrer relatives) make life embarrassing and difficult for her advertising executive husband. In the end, instead of explaining everything away as a publicity stunt like in the old show, Darrin chastises his Christian co-workers for not being more open-minded and accepting or other religions.
Charlie’s Angels – It’s still beautiful women fighting crime, but they’re all in wheelchairs, and spend most of the show complaining about the injustice of curbs and small flights of stairs. Also, Charlie is an artificial intelligence voiced by Stephen Hawking.
The Dukes of Hazzard – Week after week, the part-Native-American Roscoe P. Coltrane (played by racial xenomorph Lou Diamond Phillips) systematically arrests every cousin & uncle in the Duke family for hate crimes.
If you know of any other reboots in the works, drop ’em in the comments.
The Facts of Life.
Each episode explores one of the new gender identifications available. Guaranteed 4 year run.
Dragnet.
The story of a West Hollywood bar that fallen on hard times and the weekly exploits of the owners to find new acts.
Star Trek.
This time George Takei is the captain. Right before each commercial break he looks into the camera and says, “Ohhhh myyyyyy.”
Gets cancelled after 3 shows but a boycott organized by LGBTWTFTIITHBQR@VW community brings it back on cable.
I’d label that one “Star Drek”
‘I Dream of Genie’, only Jeannie is a practicing muslim, so they don’t have to be shy about her calling him ‘master’. They go through whacky hijinks to show bigoted Christian neighbors that it’s okay to lock women in vases when they displease you.
Boo! Jeannie in a burka? BOO!!!!1!
Unless Jeannie is played by Lean Duham. Then, YEAH!!!1!
Well, wait till you see Baywatch in burkinis…
They’ll look like a bunch of Darth Vader / Sand People Gone Wild.
(Ultimately, they’ll also resemble your last view of the Death Star.)
The Beverly Hillbillies.
Same as before except they wear Gadson Flag t-shirts and the truck has TRUMP stickers. Ms Hathaway finally comes out as a transvestite, Jethro gets involved in gay p*rn without realizing it, Ellie May becomes a militant animal rights activist. Granny gets put away in rehab. Jed just gives up and spends all day drinking shine and shooting at overflights headed to LAX.
Gilligan’s Island
Basically a made-for-T.V. version of Escape from L.A.
Diff’rent Strokes
Do I really need to spell it out for you? Just imagine the absolute worst they could do with it…it’ll be worse than that.
Ahmed’s Heroes.
Remake of Hogan’s Heroes set in Guantanimo Bay.
M*A*S*H – this time around the show will feature a cross dressing non-com, a sociopathic clandestine ops spook, a feminist female officer, and whiny, angst-ridden doctors who constantly kvetch about how terrible war is while not being the ones actually doing the fighting.
In other words, reruns.
The Incredible Hulk
Rosie O’Donnell hasn’t had a show in a while.
Knight Rider 2020
This time it’s aired on BBC and Michael Knight (still played by David Hasselhoff) drives around Eastern Europe in a 1982 Yugo. Solving “crime” with skinny jeans, fugly women, and “Super Pursuit” mode.
Guantanamo Baywatch
“Also, Charlie is an artificial intelligence voiced by Stephen Hawking.”
Go on . . .
Wow!! I thought the above scenarios were all so good I e-mailed all of them to my cousin in California who is a producer. His e-mail reply was…don’t call us we’ll call you.
The mUNsters. America is weekly shamed by all other countries for its attempts to force assimilation on the differently-challenged. Stars John Kerry, by the way.
Space 1999: TNG — the grandchildren try to get NASA to stop its Muslim outreach long enough to launch anything to the moon.
Kaspersky and Hooch — Russians with lots of time on their hands and an antipathy to all forms of Clinton crime.
The A … I Mean, JV Team
The Donor Reid Show
Michelle’s Navy
The PelO.C.
The Data-ing Game
What’s My Lyin’?
GnuHeart —
A regular guy from Africa with no past somehow gets elected President of the United States. He also had heart surgery and got a donor heart from a gnu. Hilarity ensues.
Second season plot twist: it is revealed that Gnu is a Unix-like operating system that is free software. And handyman George gets a visit from an old flame and wants to pretend to be the president to impress her…
GnuHeart — I can dig it…it’s boffo, it’s socko, it’s stupendous, it’s fabulous, it’s awesome, it’s bang-up, banner, beautiful, blue-chip, blue-ribbon, excellent, bonny, boss, bully, capital, choice, cool, crackerjack, cracking, dandy, divine, dynamite, fab, fabulous, and FANTABULOUS!!! It’s a guaranteed smash hit! It can’t miss! The critics agree…it’s BAD!!! But don’t call us…we’ll call you.
IALF
An Illegal Alien Life Form arrives and gets a job in a repair garage. The crotchety old mechanic gives him a job despite not really liking him. IALF tries several different catch phrases until one finally sticks. By then it’s too late because he overdoses and dies.
It’s a dark sit-dramady.
Jose Feliciano can do the theme song.
Please tell me it includes a CGI Scatman Crothers
Yes, he plays a kung-fu master disguised as a janitor. And he’s a dog.
He’s befriended by a leggy receptionist and… HEY! This could be its own show!
So… who we gonna get to play Spot?
how about the poorly animated M.C. Skat Kat from Paula Abdul’s Opposites Attract?
Or, maybe just a cinnamon-raisin bagel?
Can we get back to the leggy receptionist?
“Lurking Good!”
Oh, wait. That was {Trigger Warning} Chico {/Trigger Warning} and The Man
How about “Sheik-O and the Man”?
God will get you for that, Oppo.
The F Team
A group of self-righteous, completely inept millennials get recruited by George Soros to go on undercover missions to start riots in various locations across the country. In each episode, they invariably end up revealing how ridiculous their message is, develop a complex, slipshod distraction involving a hail of accusatory epithets, and disappear, only to turn up at another rally for an equally laughable cause.
Love it!