I’m mad at UPS again.
I wrote about it over at my little blog, which you can go read if you want. But here’s the short version: I could have sent something to California quicker and cheaper with the Post Office.
Oh, well. Live and learn.
Or live and make the same mistakes over and over.
Enough of that. What about you? Do you have something you’d like to share? It’s Wednesday Night Open Thread and you pick the topic.
What’s on your mind?
[High Praise! to Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
[Doctor Strange Pitch Meeting] (Viewer #388,731)
I’m glad I watched this video instead of the movie, because I couldn’t stare at a screen with that lipless wonder Cumberbatch on it for two hours anyway.
Seriously, the guy has no upper lip. It’s weird
This week, we’ve been taking a look back at some posts from years past. This is from the 4th Wednesday in August, 2005, and it’s another one of Frank J’s “In My World” posts.
August 24, 2005
In My World: The Hagel Stops Here
Posted by Frank J. at 12:36 PMThe hooded figure of Karl Rove emerged from the shadows. “Bush, I look at your poll numbers, and I see but darkness and foreboding.”
“I guess I won’t be reelected then,” Bush chuckled as he sat at his desk, “Now, do you want to bet how many Twinkies I can stuff in my mouth at once?”
“Your poll numbers must be a shining beacon that continues to lead the Republicans,” Rove told him, “You must improve them. And, when you rode bikes with Lance Armstrong and kicked him into a tree, that did not help.”
“It’s not my fault he didn’t ask what the rules to our bike race was!” Bush answered indignantly, “The important thing was I won!”
“Still, it played poorly with the masses.”
“Well, if someone is so dumb they don’t like me, I don’t want them liking me,” Bush asserted.
“I AM YOUR MASTER!” Rove thundered as the windows in the room shattered, “YOU WILL DO AS I SAY!”
“Fine,” Bush groaned.
“Mick of Jagger has a song exposing our evil neocon cabal,” Rove stated, “He must be silenced.”
“No problem.” Rove faded back into the shadows, and Bush looked to the door to his office. “Scott!”
The White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan came running. “What do you need, Mr. President?”
“Kill Mick Jagger.”
“Uh… first off, I’m a Press Secretary – I don’t kill people. Second, what you’re asking is highly illegal and immoral… actually, that should be my first point…”
Bush picked up a baseball bat and waved it over his head. “You do it now and stop being such a baby. Once you do it, I’ll pardon you which will make it both legal and moral. Now get going before I get swinging!”
“Okay! Okay!” Scott shouted in fear as he ran away.
“Once he does it, I’ll just say he never worked here and I never heard of him. Muh ha ha ha!” Bush laughed evilly to himself.
Rumsfeld came barging in the office followed by his dog Chomps who was biting angrily at the air around him. “Senator Hagel compared my war to Vietnam!” Rumsfeld yelled in rage, “That’s outrageous! I will win this war and not chicken out because of noisy hippies! I want Hagel’s head on a pike.”
“No more heads on pikes, Rummy,” Bush answered, “Hagel will be here soon, but I will handle this my way. Just follow my lead.”
Hagel came into the Oval Office. “What do you want? I have numerous press appearances to make.”
“Help me lift my desk, Rummy,” Bush said as he lifted one side and Rumsfeld lifted the other.
“Can’t you move your furniture later?” Hagel asked angrily.
“Heave ho!” Bush yelled, and they flung the desk at Hagel so it landed upside down on top of him, Hagel’s legs the only thing sticking out beneath it.
“There, problem solved,” Bush said triumphantly.
“Back in my day, we didn’t solve problem through such complicated means as throwing a desk on someone,” Rumsfeld grumbled.
“Well, this is how we do things in modern times,” Bush answered.
Condoleezza Rice appeared at the door. She looked down at the desk. “Did you kill Hagel?”
“Maybe,” Bush answered, “His leg is twitching, though.”
Chomps started attacking the twitching leg.
“You might get in trouble for this,” Condi cautioned, “Hagel is a Vietnam vet with Purple Hearts.”
“I never got the point of Purple Hearts,” Bush stated, “In lots of videogames I’ve played, you get awarded if you don’t get hurt. Maybe we should do that in the military.”
“I think you should call an ambulance, though,” Condi suggested.
“I would, but my phone was on the desk.”
“All this talk is boring me!” Rumsfeld growled, “Let’s go declare a new war.”
“Nah, let’s go bowling instead,” Bush said, “I think there’s a bowling alley somewhere in this place… and a haunted cupboard!”
“Fine, let’s look for it,” Condi answered, “Shouldn’t you still be in Crawford, though?”
“People kept bothering me there,” Bush replied as he walked on top of the overturned desk, “I figured the White House was a better place to hide.”
They all left the Oval Office, Chomps trotting after them. “Will somebody help me?” Hagel squeaked from under the desk.
An apparition appeared. “I am the ghost of Nixon,” it announced in an unearthly voice.
“Are you a friendly ghost?” Hagel asked hopefully.
It just laughed.
Thanks for taking this trip down memory lane.
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Now banned by socialists…
Why do Christians support Trump despite how awful a man he is? He’s not trying to use the state to destroy them.
The point of this country is to learn to live in peace with each other, not devise ways to destroy each other when we disagree.
350 newspaper editorials against Trump were a huge success, reaching a total of 102 people.
It’s so adorable my 2yo is into planets right now. And it’s a great time since you can see three planets in the evening before it’s even dark out. Four once the sun sets. Well, five if you also look down.
Now before bed, I have to take her outside to say goodnight to the moons and planets. “Good night moon! Good night Jupiter! Good night Venus! Good night Mars!”
You have to be really quick to tear apart a left-winger these days because now you’re often trying to beat other left-wingers to the punch.
Jimmy McGill becoming Saul Goodman is shaping up to be a bigger tragedy than Walter White becoming Heisenberg.
The only reason I kneel is to humble myself before God or in preparation for a super uppercut.
Netflix must know me pretty well because it didn’t even tell me Michelle Wolf’s show existed. The closest thing to a social justice warrior that I’ll watch is Luke Cage.
The thing I’d like Twitter to fix is how my mentions are always full of people telling me how great my tweets are. It’s repetitive and doesn’t tell me anything I don’t already know.
Since my kids are right now interested in the moon and planets, I got out an old telescope I had. I didn’t realize how old it is, though: It includes a booklet for seeing the upcoming Halley’s Comet.
If you want less contention, first thing to do is ban all the people constantly asking for accounts to be banned.
If someone reports an account and that account never tweeted at that person, that should be a red flag. You have a person seeking out offense. Toss ‘em.
Finished Luke Cage season 2 and I thought it was better than the first. More even, at least.
The number one film at the box office just goes to show you that people want to see more movies starring rich people.
I worked at a fast food place and didn’t earn a living wage.
And yet I live.
I LIVE!!!!!
“Why Conservatives Love to Hate the Vox Article on Why Conservatives Love to Hate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez”
I don’t see any point to trigger warnings unless you think Bruce Banner might be there.
There. Using a cup with a hole in the bottom, I felt like I made a good faith effort to explain the astable mode of a 555 timer IC to my daughter.
If she doesn’t care about STEM when she’s older, it’s not my fault.
I saw a lot of good opinions on politics today from both the right and the left. Everyone was really on point. Great job!
If you’re for rule by mob, you’re an enemy of minorities.
I like modern programming languages, but there’s always a certain part of me that feels if I don’t have direct access to memory locations, then I’m working in a toy language made for children.
Again, I’d just like to remind people that there’s nothing in the Constitution that says we HAVE to impeach the president if he goes to prison.
But what’s Trump guilty of? Giving people money? Ed McMahon did the same thing and people loved him… at least according to my history book.
We’re all excited for President Pence, but let’s take a moment and breathe here, people.
My prediction: Trump wins against Hillary by an even larger margin than in 2016 and gives his victory speech from prison.
Previously: “The 25 most popular icebreaker questions based on four years of data”
Currently: The Only List of Icebreaker Questions You’ll Ever Need (Not all of which will be used, since some are either/or questions, which are boring.)
Your mission: answer the question in the comments with a good story.
If you don’t have a good story, you are encouraged to make one up.
What is your favorite magical or mythological animal?
Manticore, because my brother owned that one Emerson, Lake, and Palmer album.
Also, whatever critter poops the gold coins that make socialism possible.
