Young people are dumb. But they’re also lazy so they tend not to vote.

I think a good campaign strategy for a candidate would be to find houses with his sign out front and give them full-sized candy bars to hand out on Halloween

My kids are excited to see the rankings when they’re published on Sunday. They always want to know which one of them made number one.

On Election Day, will someone give me a “I’m Not Voting” sticker? I pay taxes.

The goal should be to make elections as inconsequential as possible.

I tried to vote and not only would they not accept my photo ID but they told me it was Chuck E. Cheese and they wouldn’t let me in if I wasn’t accompanied by a kid.

It’s funny; my daughter figured out the Tooth Fairy isn’t real but she still thinks Santa Claus is real because she can’t imagine such a vast conspiracy with every person and all the media perpetuating the same lie.

me trying to be a pundit on TV
“It all comes down to turn in.”
the other pundits point and laugh at me and I run away crying

Of all the ways you can help the country and your fellow man, voting doesn’t even make the top one thousand.

People expect some sort of rebuke to one party or the other, but the problem is the only way to do that in an election is to give support to the other party—a horrible thing to contemplate.

My mom has voted Republican her entire life, but this year she is continuing that.

Obamacare was the one bill that felt like politicians were personally taking a dump on me. That they’re still complete sociopaths about it—denying they lied and ignoring the damage they did—is why I’m not looking forward to the Democrats holding power again.

Libertarianism is the only intellectually coherent political positions and it’s held primarily by crazy people.

Just a reminder for Christians not to put too much faith in politics. If you take what you hold holy and wrap it up in that muck, it will not fare too well.
It’s hard to imagine Jesus would even vote. I’m sure the Roman government committed a lot of injustice, but it wasn’t His main concern. His concern was what each of us could do ourselves, not what we could make others do.

Before you like a tweet, make sure you can defend it at a future confirmation hearing.

I still chuckle when I think of Election Day 2016. That was wacky. Didn’t expect that to happen.

I don’t think people are ready for the crisis that will follow if Democrats win the House popular vote but not the majority and don’t at least get a little printed out certificate saying “Winner of House Popular Vote.”

I’m not voting as I treasure my neutrality as some guy on the internet.

“And the results are in: It’s a red wave with Republicans gaining in the Senate and even the House. A lot of Trump supporters weren’t planning on voting, but they finally gave in thanks to all the badgering from celebrities.”
“NOOOOOOOO!!!”

I bristle when I hear voting referred to as a “right.” It’s more of a compromise where we all get micro-input on our government since we are all resigned to the fact that it can infringe our rights.

People have been going on and on about how awesome Beto is, so how unbelievably great Ted Cruz must be to keep leading him in the polls. As a Texan, this is really exciting.

I would like the Republicans and Trump to get a rebuke for their bad behavior, but I’d also like the Democrats to get a rebuke for their bad behavior. I’m guessing we’re going to come out of this with neither learning anything.

According to exit polls, everyone loves exiting! “A lot more fun than entering” seems to be the majority opinion.

Remember to vote for whichever politician promises jetpacks and laser guns. It’s almost 2020; where are our jetpacks and laser guns?

Remember: Voting is just the government’s ploy to get your fingerprints on the murder weapon.

I was kind of rooting for Republicans to narrowly hold the Senate and Democrats to narrowly get the House — the closest to a “you both need to do better” message.

Beto was the worst. Well, not him; his enthusiastic supporters. I just can’t stand more mediocrity being deified.

Bright side for the Republicans on losing the House is there ain’t nothing they love more than running against Nancy Pelosi.

If you use the phrase “Senate popular vote,” I will never take seriously anything you say about politics ever again.