…#43: The Ptomaine Protection Act – the host will discreetly spoon random portions from Aunt Edna’s mayonnaise-based dish that spent four unrefrigerated hours in transit from Poughkeepsie, discarding same. All other guest will tell the Aunt “that it was so good that I ate it first!”
….#62. The relative or guest that states “I don’t like stuffing/dressing” is legally obligated to smile and nod when the cook says “Oh, you’ll like mine!”
The Third Law of Family Dynamics involves fruitcake. Other laws: …
will be flouted like we were all good Democrats.
… include #237: you unmercifully lecture your cretinous relatives about your new “woke” enlightenment…
… #17: The Crazy Uncle Exception – the family will steadfastly ignore any boorish or bizarre behavior from “Uncle (insert name here)”…
…#43: The Ptomaine Protection Act – the host will discreetly spoon random portions from Aunt Edna’s mayonnaise-based dish that spent four unrefrigerated hours in transit from Poughkeepsie, discarding same. All other guest will tell the Aunt “that it was so good that I ate it first!”
…#45. The amount of Christmas decoration boxes you accumulate increases each year by a multiple of the number of years you didn’t have any as a kid.
….#62. The relative or guest that states “I don’t like stuffing/dressing” is legally obligated to smile and nod when the cook says “Oh, you’ll like mine!”
#15.2 (subsections 3 & 7) Please defecate BEFORE coming over. Also, give your bratty kids some Benadryl.
#44
Stop asking if Aunt or Uncle So & So’s “sniffles” is the ‘Rona, it isn’t.
The Third Law of Family Dynamics involves fruitcake. Other laws: …
…#31 the relative you most purposely avoid the other 364 days of the year is the one most likely to think you are in dire need of his (or her) advice.
The Third Law of Family Dynamics involves fruitcake. Other laws: …
…if you can’t tell within half an hour which is the “crazy” family member,maybe you need to check the mirror.
The Third Law of Family Dynamics involves fruitcake. Other laws: …
…most of Grannie’s “old family recipes” were copied from a magazine or the side of a package.
The Third Law of Family Dynamics involves fruitcake. Other laws: …
without the fifth, I couldn’t handle the holidays.
In my family, wherever 3 or more of us gather, there’s a fifth 🤪
The Third Law of Family Dynamics involves fruitcake. Other laws: …
First Law: No one talks about Family Dynamics.
… the Tiny Tim Corollary: “God bless us, every one!”…
The traditional meal for Christmas in a particular family is set in stone. Do not suggest a substition, you risk being stabbed with a fork.
It’s socially acceptable to get fat on Christmas. If you finish Christmas dinner and no moons are orbiting your body, you’re doing Christmas wrong.