Have you ever had a derelict vehicle towed away?

I wouldn’t want to be one.

I own a car that I do not want towed away.

It’s a gorgeous old baby-blue ’88 Jeep Wrangler with rectanglular headlights. To say I admire its lines would be an understatement.

I keep it insured and registered, and dutifully paid up with stupid town property taxes — all of which are rip-offs, by the way — just on the off-chance that some day I’ll get it road-worthy again. It has an undercarriage problem.

Today I got this threatening email from the state, obviously because of my connection with IMAO and my poem about Brandi-Sniffer:

Dear RMV Customer,
RMV records indicate your annual inspection sticker is expired and your vehicle needs to be inspected. To confirm this and act accordingly, please refer to the expiration date on the existing sticker on your vehicle’s front windshield.
The annual Vehicle Check requires all vehicles registered pass a yearly vehicle emissions and safety inspection – this inspection is essential to the safety of the environment and roadways.
• If your vehicle is currently in storage, an Off-the-Road Verification Inspection Form must be completed and mailed to the RMV.
• If your vehicle is currently out of state, an Out-of-State Verification Inspection Form must be completed and mailed to the RMV.
There are over 1,800 licensed inspection stations where customers can bring their vehicle in to safely update their inspection sticker. Visit the Inspection Station Locator to find a location near you.
Inspection stations are required to follow all applicable COVID-19 public health guidance and safety protocols. Should you have concerns of a violation upon visiting an inspection site, we encourage you to report those with the Department of Labor Standards.
Please note that all previous sticker extensions applied last year have now expired and no further extensions are planned.
While the RMV has encouraged law enforcement to use their discretion in issuing citations for an expired sticker, driving any motor vehicle without a valid inspection sticker is a traffic violation that may result in a fine and affect your insurance rate.
Please check and confirm the status of your annual safety and emissions inspection sticker, and go to the Inspection Station Locator to plan a visit to your local station today!
Thank you in advance for your attention and commitment to the safety of the environment and roadways.
If your vehicle has recently been inspected and has a valid, current sticker on your windshield, please disregard this email.
Sincerely,
The Registry of Motor Vehicles

Yeah, I’m really going to get a garaged vehicle inspected because it’s not road-worthy.

And why did they suddenly pull this trick out of their bag after twenty years?

Nice try!

Swing and a miss, F-knuckles!

(I’ve previously mentioned that my server has been compromised — because whoever-they-are posted a sarcastic comment about my sister’s innocent downloading from Netflix “The Wizard of Oz.” Which is definitely appropriate.)

Also: why, when I try to close my email server (Hotmail), does it take over an hour and a half (while showing a spinning icon) to close — before I just hit the power button to kill it?

Grrr.

If you ever not hear from Oppo again, you’ll know why. He has been quietly eliminated, like a derelict vehicle.

And you’re next.