A Solution to the Politician Problem

Posted on June 26, 2009 12:05 pm

This whole Sanford mess reminds me of the main problem with politics: Politician. Apparently, normal people don’t want to go into politics, so we mainly gets weirdos. Fred Thompson used the Sanford incident to argue for term limits, the idea being if we have to have politicians, at least let’s not keep them around too long.

Here’s my idea: Kidnapping.

The biggest red flag that you may have picked the wrong person for a political position is if the person wants it. Unfortunately, our current system only elects weirdos who want to be politicians. Instead, we we should find candidates from business and industry and just chloroformed them and have them wake up behind a mayor’s desk or something. Then he’d be like, “Wh-what’s going on here? Who’s in charge?”

And we’d be like, “You are!”

And he’d be like, “Noooooo! I have useful things to do! I can’t be a politician!”

And we’d be like, “We don’t care!” And then we’d threaten his family to get him to comply. You’ve all threatened families before; you know how that works.

Anyway, doesn’t that sound like a smarter system?

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33 Responses to “A Solution to the Politician Problem”

  1. badmartin says:

    I think the ancient Greeks tried this and now they are mainly known for stuffed grape leaves and taking it in the chute. Just sayin’.

  2. MoogieP says:

    How about a big game of Hot Potato?

  3. Thor says:

    reluctant representation may not be the way to go. I do agree that a new system is in order, but until that occurs to someone, let’s start with term limits. The longer a weirdo/wacko stays in office, the weirder/wackier s/he gets. That’s no way to acheive optimal representation.

    Perhaps an apprenticeship-type set up is in order.

    But not like the Manchurian candidate. Culture people to become representatives/civil servants/leaders. Like the military. It’s all about uniforms and rank structure. And if you screw up badly enough: Firing squad.

    …something to mull over.

  4. ussjimmycarter says:

    Sniffle…wipes tear from eye…oh the humanity! Sorry, just following the lame-o’s as they cover “The King of Buggering Children”!

  5. Jimmy says:

    “And he’d be like, “Noooooo! I have useful things to do! I can’t be a politician!”

    We’re gonna chloroform you, Frank, and you’re gonna wake up there.

  6. cjtony97 says:

    Jimmy says:

    …except that Frank has no useful things to do. That’s right, I’m reading your Twitter account Frank.

  7. cjtony97 says:

    Of course that means I have nothing useful to do myself………so there you have it.

  8. IH8Socialist says:

    “A Solution to the Politician Problem”
    We just have to be strong and wait for the second coming of Reagen. He will smite the nonbelieviers of the constitution, disband the current congress and make America the strong nation it once was. He will destory lil Kim Jong with just one look, and make Irans Imanutbagturd cringe and run in fear. The Chines will bow before his mighty presence and our oil will flow freely and cheaply.

  9. Jimmy says:

    You’re gonna get in trouble, cjtony97. But then, we’re all in trouble for razzing Frank about tweeting (twitter tweet tweet – hey I got birds around here that do it better than that!). Frank hates us and we hate Frank! (He’s the type of blogger that you love to hate to love… to hate… …I’m dead. Bye bye.)

  10. DesertElephant says:

    I say we take slices of Heinlein government in Starship Troopers, but also allow businessmen/women, that have run companies and employed actually people. The exception being stock brokers/investment bankers because we want to keep out the Warren Buffets and George Soroses of the world. Also, to be a citizen, you must have held a job that actually created goods and provided vital services in the support of those businesses. Anyone that states that their job is as an Artist can NEVER be a citizen. System will be cleaned up and the damage reversed in a year or two.

    Anyone who complains that it isn’t fair and that artists are people too should be shot, because they really aren’t people. everyone who has tried to hold hippies or artist hostage for cash know this. Negotiators don’t care if you wax them because there is no value lost.

  11. Live Free Or Die says:

    “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”–Some Famous Dead White Guy

  12. cjtony97 says:

    Dead white guys say the smartest things.

  13. MarkoMancuso says:

    Or we could have Dick Cheney shoot all the dirty politicians and, as a warning, leave their bodies hanging alongside roads leading to Washington.

  14. Peregrine John says:

    Disturbingly, for all its faults the new Frank J system would probably yield much better government than the current version.

  15. Friday night funny: Brian Regan and politicians « Wintery Knight Blog links:

    […] for those who don’t get YouTube through their company’s proxy server, here is something funny from Frank J. of IMAO.us, on term limits. Inventing ridiculous things is what I find the most […]

  16. innominatus says:

    I have nightmares like that all the time. I wake up with a headache and my hand clenching a very official looking walnut gavel. I always thought it was an alien abduction – I should have known it was just Frank.

  17. ussjimmycarter says:

    innominatus…I’ve heard it referred to as many things but a “walnut gavel” is a new one…BWAAAAAAA!

  18. Stephen says:

    Apparently, normal people don’t want to go into politics, so we mainly gets weirdos.

    The President of the United States of America swatted a fly, then caught hell over it from a major interest group, and it became a national story.

    Do you really EXPECT normal people to want to go into politics???

  19. ILoveMyFreedoms says:

    There needs to be a test before one can enter politics. The answers would determine a person’s logic, strength against temptation, understanding of history, patriotism, and ability to speak without lying, smirking, or teleprompters — in other words, the extent of a normal person’s normalcy.

    I’m sure the IMAO clan can come up with the questions to weed out both the liberal pansies and RINOS.

  20. DesertElephant says:

    ILMF, good idea, but we here at IMAO may have the market cornered on Common Sense, but we tend to be disturbingly far from normal.

  21. cjtony97 says:

    ussjc – I LOL’d

  22. MarkoMancuso says:

    What’s your definition of “normal”, DesertElephant?

  23. seanmahair says:

    It’s interesting to me that one of the first people on the “there’s something rotten in the state of…….” was a man named Knox who if I am not mistaken lost to Stanford in the Republican Primary and is now a state representative.

    This is why we lose. No matter what, the left sticks together and if nothing else they don’t throw each other under the bus (except of course for the CIT-commander in thief). Look at all the former cheaters, plagiarists, defrauders, and out and out liars, thieves and miscreants, that are still in power. People from their own party didn’t try to take them down because getting the party in power is the first rule, keeping it is the second and last but not least is the demonizing and demoralizing of anyone who disagrees with the party. It seems to be working pretty well so far.

    We can’t even manage to keep the few seats we already have and we have our own to thank for that. Sigh.

  24. Kent says:

    I’ve often said I have two moral principles – ones by which I’ve kept myself out of trouble for years.
    1 – never do anything that would prevent you from having a career in politics someday.
    2 – never go into politics.

  25. motorman says:

    Vince Flynn’s book “Term Limits” is the right idea. Unfortunately, it’s a novel. And like I always say, “The only reason some people are still alive is because it’s illegal to kill them.”

  26. 4 of 7 says:

    You’re all a Gang of Ringleaders!

  27. ussjimmycarter says:

    We all have Ringworm? Aww!

  28. Kent says:

    “No matter what, the left sticks together and if nothing else they don’t throw each other under the bus ”

    For some reason, I remembered the scene from Alien Resurrection where there are three aliens in a cell and two of them decide to use the acid-for-blood of the third alien to burn through the floor of the cage and escape. The scene where they “discuss” this (lots of hisses, especially for the “thrown under the bus” alien) is priceless. I’m sure these decisions in DC take place all the time, and Rohm Emanuel is in a lot of these conversations. Frankly, his smile implies to me a second set of jaws is about to shoot into someone’s forehead.

  29. Jimmy says:

    A randomly-chosen “national legislature” would be better than what we have now. If you believe recent statistics, it would be dominated by Conservatives.

  30. innominatus says:

    I laughed at #17 ussjc yesterday. Looked today for new comments and read it again. Still funny.

  31. seanmahair says:

    I feel like aliens have abducted us. I don’t know who these nut-jobs are in Congress or where they lived before being sent there but they really need to GO BACK there. The Dems can’t find an honest person to put in the Cabinet.

    The Repub’s can’t find an honorable person to run for President in 2012.

    What a disastrous mess.

  32. 4 of 7 says:

    Honduras may be showing us the way.
    The fact that o didn’t wait 7 days to condemn it is a good indicator.

  33. DesertElephant says:

    Marko, A setting on the Dryer. And definitely nothing close to that dude that got beat by will.i.am’s manager.

    (sorry for the late response, took a net break this weekend)

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