Straight Line of the Day: If Chosen As Secretary of State, John Kerry…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
If chosen as Secretary of State, John Kerry…
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(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
December 17th, 2012 at 12:03 pm
…will make Hillary Clinton seem manlier.
December 17th, 2012 at 12:06 pm
…will finally get to spend Christmas in Cambodia.
December 17th, 2012 at 12:11 pm
might be mistaken for the French Minister of Foreign Affairs.
December 17th, 2012 at 12:16 pm
…will surrender.
December 17th, 2012 at 12:22 pm
…will still be a pompous clown.
December 17th, 2012 at 12:23 pm
…will have to quit doing his parttime job as manservant for the Addams Family.
December 17th, 2012 at 12:34 pm
… promises to wear more makeup and less pants than his predecessor
… doesn’t really have much of an act to follow – if he just sits in a bar and drinks mai tais for the next 4 years he’ll still have done a better job than Hillary and will have the awards to prove it.
… will have the best looking canckles of any Secretary of State Obama has ever appointed.
… will be sworn in in his native tongue, French
… will finally get a break from all that time tedious lawmaking and get to go some traveling on the paxpayer’s dime like he always wanted.
… will take over as America’s chief apologists and bower.
December 17th, 2012 at 12:35 pm
will release his Form 180.
December 17th, 2012 at 12:36 pm
His state will change its name to Machusetts in his absense.
December 17th, 2012 at 12:37 pm
will still have people say to him, “Why the long face, John.”
December 17th, 2012 at 12:37 pm
Ugh…. Sometimes auto correct really sucks
… will finally get a break from all that tedious lawmaking and get to fo some traveling on the paxpayer’s dime like he always wanted.
December 17th, 2012 at 12:39 pm
will be nicknamed Cash and Kerry by the Chinese.
December 17th, 2012 at 12:43 pm
toss the keys to his Senate office over the White House fence as a symbolic gesture and to see if he can get more distance than Vietnam medals.
December 17th, 2012 at 12:52 pm
…will not have to feign a concussion to appear stupid and incoherent.
…will prance softly and carry a big purse.
…will open all speeches with his terms of surrendering to the host country because he most certainly can’t be late for his spa appointment later that day.
December 17th, 2012 at 1:08 pm
…will offer free condiments to Sandra Fluke.
December 17th, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Will throw the military over the White House fence and burn everyone’s selective service card in protest.
December 17th, 2012 at 1:17 pm
will be known as Secretary Cornball
December 17th, 2012 at 1:18 pm
will challenge Vladimir Putin to a thumb war.
December 17th, 2012 at 1:34 pm
. . . will dress every day as a sperm cell from Woody Allen’s “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex” movie.
December 17th, 2012 at 1:35 pm
will provide for strategic reserves of Heinze catsup in embassies around the world.
December 17th, 2012 at 1:54 pm
He will be for the this country before he was against it.
December 17th, 2012 at 2:01 pm
…will “nuance” in public more frequently.
December 17th, 2012 at 2:04 pm
. . . will claim the swift boats rescued the guys at the Benghazi embassy.
December 17th, 2012 at 2:28 pm
…will save money and insure the continuity of office by wearing hillary’s pantsuits
December 17th, 2012 at 2:31 pm
you know, 24jw, that is just SO FRIKKEN WRONG on so many levels.
You got MY vote!!
December 17th, 2012 at 2:33 pm
…won’t have to rely on marrying rich widows for spending money anymore.
December 17th, 2012 at 2:33 pm
…will expand his definition of flyover country by 8000 percent.
…must first have image of Hillary removed from where it was seared, SEARED!!! into the eyes of tyrants the world over.
…will confer with Gen. Petraeus about world’s hot-spots.
December 17th, 2012 at 2:59 pm
I was going to right one but then I read #24 and I felt shamed to even try and think of something funnier.
December 17th, 2012 at 3:01 pm
will actually make the pant suit look more ridiculous.
will be mistaken for the butler.
will get dukakis out of his tank.
will still be an inept fool
December 17th, 2012 at 3:03 pm
…will wear a baby blue NASA clean suit as he carries out his duties
December 17th, 2012 at 3:04 pm
If Chosen As Secretary of State, John Kerry… will ensure that Hillary is really, really missed.
December 17th, 2012 at 3:06 pm
…will no longer have to push the legacy of Ted Kennedy, much as Sisyphus pushed his rock.
December 17th, 2012 at 3:12 pm
… Will windserf up the Patomac to accept the appointment
… Will have to get a little walking around money from Tereeaaza to hold him over until his Bank of American Taxpayer card shows up in the mail.
… will still be wondering where he can get “one of them huntin permits round here.”
December 17th, 2012 at 3:22 pm
…will prove once and for all that Charlie DOES surf.
December 17th, 2012 at 3:29 pm
…will no longer have served in Vietnam, having sailed his boat into a madrasa for the duration of his service.
December 17th, 2012 at 4:01 pm
…will be admonished by the Chinese for disparaging Genghis Kahn.
…will be admonished by the Genghis Kehn for not disparaging the Chinese.
December 17th, 2012 at 5:04 pm
…has heard that John Edwards is available to be Deputy Secretary of State.
December 17th, 2012 at 5:50 pm
Will finally be allowed to negotiate with foreign governments, including our enemies, legally. Unlike what he did in the 70′s.
December 17th, 2012 at 6:59 pm
…will work very hard at still not remembering where his original DD-214 is.
December 17th, 2012 at 10:14 pm
… will get out of someday being prosecuted, along with buddy jane fonda, for treason.
December 17th, 2012 at 11:41 pm
…will recommend to Obama that Jane Fonda be placed in nomination to be the new Sec/Def….Obama will agree.
December 18th, 2012 at 12:13 am
… will dump the ketchup queen for Jane Fonda.
December 18th, 2012 at 12:43 am
won’t be Secretary of Defense. So at least there’s that.
December 18th, 2012 at 12:47 am
…will request he be paid in oats.
December 18th, 2012 at 11:04 am
will make us all want to “find ourselves another country to be part of.”
(pace phil ochs)
December 18th, 2012 at 11:11 am
Indian Princess Elizabeth Warren will lose her ride.
December 18th, 2012 at 12:41 pm
…it means Obama took the advice of picking someone who could work it like a government mule only on his appearance. And the braying noises when his feed bag is empty.
December 18th, 2012 at 6:02 pm
…will get ridden Gangnam style and put away wet.
December 18th, 2012 at 7:49 pm
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December 18th, 2012 at 8:51 pm
Will finally be eligible to get hims a huntin’ license.