Straight Line of the Day: If Chosen As Secretary of State, John Kerry…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

If chosen as Secretary of State, John Kerry…

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

50 Comments

  1. … promises to wear more makeup and less pants than his predecessor

    … doesn’t really have much of an act to follow – if he just sits in a bar and drinks mai tais for the next 4 years he’ll still have done a better job than Hillary and will have the awards to prove it.

    … will have the best looking canckles of any Secretary of State Obama has ever appointed.

    … will be sworn in in his native tongue, French

    … will finally get a break from all that time tedious lawmaking and get to go some traveling on the paxpayer’s dime like he always wanted.

    … will take over as America’s chief apologists and bower.

    0

    0
  2. Ugh…. Sometimes auto correct really sucks

    … will finally get a break from all that tedious lawmaking and get to fo some traveling on the paxpayer’s dime like he always wanted.

    0

    0
  3. …will not have to feign a concussion to appear stupid and incoherent.

    …will prance softly and carry a big purse.

    …will open all speeches with his terms of surrendering to the host country because he most certainly can’t be late for his spa appointment later that day.

    0

    0
  4. Will throw the military over the White House fence and burn everyone’s selective service card in protest.

    0

    0
  5. . . . will dress every day as a sperm cell from Woody Allen’s “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex” movie.

    0

    0
  6. …will expand his definition of flyover country by 8000 percent.

    …must first have image of Hillary removed from where it was seared, SEARED!!! into the eyes of tyrants the world over.

    …will confer with Gen. Petraeus about world’s hot-spots.

    0

    0
  7. I was going to right one but then I read #24 and I felt shamed to even try and think of something funnier.

    0

    0
  8. will actually make the pant suit look more ridiculous.

    will be mistaken for the butler.

    will get dukakis out of his tank.

    will still be an inept fool

    0

    0
  9. … Will windserf up the Patomac to accept the appointment
    … Will have to get a little walking around money from Tereeaaza to hold him over until his Bank of American Taxpayer card shows up in the mail.
    … will still be wondering where he can get “one of them huntin permits round here.”

    0

    0
  10. …will no longer have served in Vietnam, having sailed his boat into a madrasa for the duration of his service.

    0

    0
  11. …will be admonished by the Chinese for disparaging Genghis Kahn.

    …will be admonished by the Genghis Kehn for not disparaging the Chinese.

    0

    0
  12. Will finally be allowed to negotiate with foreign governments, including our enemies, legally. Unlike what he did in the 70’s.

    0

    0
  13. …it means Obama took the advice of picking someone who could work it like a government mule only on his appearance. And the braying noises when his feed bag is empty.

    0

    0
  14. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

Comments are closed.