Straight Line of the Day: If Chosen As Secretary of State, John Kerry…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

If chosen as Secretary of State, John Kerry…

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  1. … promises to wear more makeup and less pants than his predecessor

    … doesn’t really have much of an act to follow – if he just sits in a bar and drinks mai tais for the next 4 years he’ll still have done a better job than Hillary and will have the awards to prove it.

    … will have the best looking canckles of any Secretary of State Obama has ever appointed.

    … will be sworn in in his native tongue, French

    … will finally get a break from all that time tedious lawmaking and get to go some traveling on the paxpayer’s dime like he always wanted.

    … will take over as America’s chief apologists and bower.

  2. …will not have to feign a concussion to appear stupid and incoherent.

    …will prance softly and carry a big purse.

    …will open all speeches with his terms of surrendering to the host country because he most certainly can’t be late for his spa appointment later that day.

  3. …will expand his definition of flyover country by 8000 percent.

    …must first have image of Hillary removed from where it was seared, SEARED!!! into the eyes of tyrants the world over.

    …will confer with Gen. Petraeus about world’s hot-spots.

  4. … Will windserf up the Patomac to accept the appointment
    … Will have to get a little walking around money from Tereeaaza to hold him over until his Bank of American Taxpayer card shows up in the mail.
    … will still be wondering where he can get “one of them huntin permits round here.”

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