… promises to wear more makeup and less pants than his predecessor
… doesn’t really have much of an act to follow – if he just sits in a bar and drinks mai tais for the next 4 years he’ll still have done a better job than Hillary and will have the awards to prove it.
… will have the best looking canckles of any Secretary of State Obama has ever appointed.
… will be sworn in in his native tongue, French
… will finally get a break from all that time tedious lawmaking and get to go some traveling on the paxpayer’s dime like he always wanted.
… will take over as America’s chief apologists and bower.
…will not have to feign a concussion to appear stupid and incoherent.
…will prance softly and carry a big purse.
…will open all speeches with his terms of surrendering to the host country because he most certainly can’t be late for his spa appointment later that day.
… Will windserf up the Patomac to accept the appointment
… Will have to get a little walking around money from Tereeaaza to hold him over until his Bank of American Taxpayer card shows up in the mail.
… will still be wondering where he can get “one of them huntin permits round here.”
…it means Obama took the advice of picking someone who could work it like a government mule only on his appearance. And the braying noises when his feed bag is empty.
…will make Hillary Clinton seem manlier.
…will finally get to spend Christmas in Cambodia.
might be mistaken for the French Minister of Foreign Affairs.
…will surrender.
…will still be a pompous clown.
…will have to quit doing his parttime job as manservant for the Addams Family.
… promises to wear more makeup and less pants than his predecessor
… doesn’t really have much of an act to follow – if he just sits in a bar and drinks mai tais for the next 4 years he’ll still have done a better job than Hillary and will have the awards to prove it.
… will have the best looking canckles of any Secretary of State Obama has ever appointed.
… will be sworn in in his native tongue, French
… will finally get a break from all that time tedious lawmaking and get to go some traveling on the paxpayer’s dime like he always wanted.
… will take over as America’s chief apologists and bower.
will release his Form 180.
His state will change its name to Machusetts in his absense.
will still have people say to him, “Why the long face, John.”
Ugh…. Sometimes auto correct really sucks
… will finally get a break from all that tedious lawmaking and get to fo some traveling on the paxpayer’s dime like he always wanted.
will be nicknamed Cash and Kerry by the Chinese.
toss the keys to his Senate office over the White House fence as a symbolic gesture and to see if he can get more distance than Vietnam medals.
…will not have to feign a concussion to appear stupid and incoherent.
…will prance softly and carry a big purse.
…will open all speeches with his terms of surrendering to the host country because he most certainly can’t be late for his spa appointment later that day.
…will offer free condiments to Sandra Fluke.
Will throw the military over the White House fence and burn everyone’s selective service card in protest.
will be known as Secretary Cornball
will challenge Vladimir Putin to a thumb war.
. . . will dress every day as a sperm cell from Woody Allen’s “Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex” movie.
will provide for strategic reserves of Heinze catsup in embassies around the world.
He will be for the this country before he was against it.
…will “nuance” in public more frequently.
. . . will claim the swift boats rescued the guys at the Benghazi embassy.
…will save money and insure the continuity of office by wearing hillary’s pantsuits
you know, 24jw, that is just SO FRIKKEN WRONG on so many levels.
You got MY vote!!
…won’t have to rely on marrying rich widows for spending money anymore.
…will expand his definition of flyover country by 8000 percent.
…must first have image of Hillary removed from where it was seared, SEARED!!! into the eyes of tyrants the world over.
…will confer with Gen. Petraeus about world’s hot-spots.
I was going to right one but then I read #24 and I felt shamed to even try and think of something funnier.
will actually make the pant suit look more ridiculous.
will be mistaken for the butler.
will get dukakis out of his tank.
will still be an inept fool
…will wear a baby blue NASA clean suit as he carries out his duties
If Chosen As Secretary of State, John Kerry… will ensure that Hillary is really, really missed.
…will no longer have to push the legacy of Ted Kennedy, much as Sisyphus pushed his rock.
… Will windserf up the Patomac to accept the appointment
… Will have to get a little walking around money from Tereeaaza to hold him over until his Bank of American Taxpayer card shows up in the mail.
… will still be wondering where he can get “one of them huntin permits round here.”
…will prove once and for all that Charlie DOES surf.
…will no longer have served in Vietnam, having sailed his boat into a madrasa for the duration of his service.
…will be admonished by the Chinese for disparaging Genghis Kahn.
…will be admonished by the Genghis Kehn for not disparaging the Chinese.
…has heard that John Edwards is available to be Deputy Secretary of State.
Will finally be allowed to negotiate with foreign governments, including our enemies, legally. Unlike what he did in the 70’s.
…will work very hard at still not remembering where his original DD-214 is.
… will get out of someday being prosecuted, along with buddy jane fonda, for treason.
…will recommend to Obama that Jane Fonda be placed in nomination to be the new Sec/Def….Obama will agree.
… will dump the ketchup queen for Jane Fonda.
won’t be Secretary of Defense. So at least there’s that.
…will request he be paid in oats.
will make us all want to “find ourselves another country to be part of.”
(pace phil ochs)
Indian Princess Elizabeth Warren will lose her ride.
…it means Obama took the advice of picking someone who could work it like a government mule only on his appearance. And the braying noises when his feed bag is empty.
…will get ridden Gangnam style and put away wet.
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Will finally be eligible to get hims a huntin’ license.