Every morning I get up and check the news hoping to hear that Iraq is finally in flames and the war has started. But, inevitably, no such violence fills the headlines and once again I am disappointed. We know they’re evil, so why don’t we just make them dead?
I just never understood this whole inspection thing. Why the hell do we have to prove Iraq has weapons? We’re America: kind, benevolent, and in ownership of many nukes. If we saying something is so, the burden of evidence should be on someone else to disprove it. We say a country has WMD’s, then they should immediately start bombing themselves to appease us.
And there is this acting like other country’s opinions matter; why should we care what France and Germany think? France is a weenie; they’re against everything that’s moral and right. And so what if Germany is against this war? What else is new? They were against us declaring war in the 40’s too, but I think that worked out for the better.
Now we’re saying we will try to avert war by helping Saddam into exile, but I think that has some potential at least. Here are my suggestions for where to exile Saddam:
*Into an airport locker
*Bottom of the sea
*Top of the dome at Disney’s Epcot Center
*Surface of the sun
*In a crate inside that room you see at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark
*Into a volcano
*Down a trapdoor when his neck is in a noose
*Hell
Or, maybe we can instead choose four nice tropical locations and exile part of him to each.
Yeah, yeah; a lot of those are more executions than exile. The other countries will probably be like, “You silly gooses, you just used exile as an excuse to murder Saddam. We’ll have to keep an eye on you.” But they better not get too angry, because we have enough firepower to exile entire countries if we get pissed.