“Dah! I am governor now! I am Ah-nuld!”
“Yeah, congratulations on getting inaugurated and everything,” President Bush said, “I was so afraid I was going to screw up my own inauguration and not get to be president.”
“What are doing here, puny president man? Don’t you have work to do?”
“I’m just hang’n; see’n how you’re doing,” Bush answered, “I have lots of smart people back in Washington to keep things under control.”
“Now that Bush is gone,” Rumsfeld stated, “Let’s start nuking things. Let’s start with Syria.”
“Only if we can nuke Finland,” Condi added.
“Deal. Does the U.N. advisor approve?”
Chomps barked in approval, causing his blue helmet to slip over his eyes, which indubitably made him angry.
“Now, I don’t want to question the wisdom of the Secretary of Defense, National Security Advisor, and a psychotic rottweiler,” Collin Powell stated, “but I think going nuclear is a bit rash, and should be contemplated a bit longer.”
Rumsfeld stared at Powell a moment. “Let’s just cut to the chase: how much do you want to be bitch-slapped?”
“I must improve the economy!” Arnold shouted, “It is too puny! And the debt is too big! I must make it puny!” Arnold then grabbed a write up of the economy and held it vigorously. “You improve economy, or I crush you! Dah!” Arnold then ripped the folder in two and started stabbing it with a ballpoint pen.
“Now, they don’t let me in most of the meeting about the economy,” Bush told him, “but I don’t think that’s how it works.”
“How do you improve the economy then?” Arnold asked, “Tell me, or I will crush you!”
“Well, you reduce taxes.”
“And what if that doesn’t work?”
Bush thought some. “Reduce taxes again.”
“And if that doesn’t work?”
Bush thought long and hard. “Reduce taxes again.”
“But I also need money to reduce the debt! I am Ah-nuld!”
“Money, eh,” Bush mused aloud, “We could do a daring bank robbery… or, better yet, we could go to Vegas and rob a casino. We’ll first need to hang out there and look inconspicuous as we case the joint.”
“Your ideas are puny!” Arnold shouted, “I will crush them! Don’t you have any good ideas for making money?”
“Well, you could always invade a country and steal its oil,” Bush answered, “But you’ll need a army for that…”
Arnold took out an M-60 from behind his desk. “I will do it myself. I am Ah-nuld!”
“So governor of California is invading us, eh?”
“Yeah, what’s that all aboot, eh?”
“I dunno, but he just blew up the local gas station, eh.”
“Maybe we should do something, eh?”
“I think we should hide… I’m so scared right now I’m almost forgot to say ‘eh’.”
“So is it true that Governor Schwarzenegger has gone on a violent rampage at the advice of the president?”
“It’s not that uncommon for a new governor to do a rampage of some sort,” White House Press Secretary Scott Mclellan answered.
“Yes it is,” the reporter responded.
Scott paused for a moment. “Okay, I got nothing on this one. Anyone want to talk about Iraq?”
“Actually, my question is why did we nuke Syria,” said another reporter.
“And you’re not curious about why we nuked Finland?” Scott responded.
The reporter thought about that. “No, not really.”
Quick question about Arnold’s rampage: Wouldn’t Mexico have been closer?
Maybe Bush helped him with his geography.
Amazing. My coffee almost came out my nose.
Maybe we’ll see Arnold teaming up with Jesse Ventura soon? Just make sure Jesse gets the chain gun from Predator.
I think Rummy wants to bitch slap a lot of people…nice one, Frank!
Monday
Of course, you have to start the week off with Frank J.’s In My World where Ah-nold finally takes office! Here’s a taste: “Now, I don’t want to question the wisdom of the Secretary of Defense, National Security Advisor, and
Hey! there are blonde chicks in Finland. Oh, maybe that’s why Condi wants to nuke it. Pity, I’d much rather see Jack off Chirac hit by a pgm or perhaps just a falling anvil. I’d let Condi have all of the big pieces.
PICTURE IN YOUR MIND
Matthew Miller lampoons the heartless attempt at a Democratic campaign and the utter absurdity of a Dean presidency: Rove popped the video into a TV near the wall. An image of an agitated Howard Dean, sleeves rolled up above his…
You’re right, Mexico’s closer, but it’s not nearly as funny as Canada.
I guess I do laugh a lot more at Canada. Forgot.
“No, not really.”
LOL, Frank, I love it. The perfect one-liner right at the end.
Please take me under your wing and teach me to be funny, too.
Crazier and crazier… now Frank’s blogroll has been hacked by a self-described “rockergirl” (link leads to nowhere).
Soon the “Blogs for Bush for ’04” banner will be replaced by “Upton, Downton, Sharpton” advertisements.
The NUKE THE MOON graphic will become a kiddie drawing of a UN white pigeon with an olive branch.
Frank J’s humor posts will gradually vanish in favor of important notices from our new Brussels overlords (whom I hasten to welcome, by the way.)
Just in like UBIK, Philip K. Dick’s novel, we are caught in IMAO’s vortex and now it’s crumbling.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
“Chomps barked in approval, causing his blue helmet to slip over his eyes, which indubitably made him angry.”
“Indubitably”. And spelled correctly too I might add.
You’ve either,
1. Got a new word a of day calendar or
2. Been watching Daffy Duck cartoons again.
I like Daffy Duck cartoons.
“So governor of California is invading us, eh?”
“Yeah, what’s that all aboot, eh?”
I don’t know why, but that made me laugh more than anything else. Canadians are funny.
Ah-nuld, the one-man Canada crushing army
Beautiful, just beautiful
Blogging bullets
I have a few time constraints today that’ll prevent me from posting until later, so in lieu of really posting (or forcing you to endure catblogging), I thought it was time for Monday blogging bullets. Rod Dreher has a post-mortem…
Blogging bullets
I have a few time constraints today that’ll prevent me from posting until later, so in lieu of really posting (or forcing you to endure catblogging), I thought it was time for Monday blogging bullets. Rod Dreher has a post-mortem…
“I think we should hide… I’m so scared right now I’m almost forgot to say ‘eh’.”
This Canadian laughed so hard he almost forgot to say ‘eh’ also.
you laugh and make jokes now, you puny boy, but wait until the next movie
“TERMINATOR X”
“MONTREAL IN FLAMES”
comes out. Then we will see, eh!
mikey
Is Finland still a country?
Two “IMW” home runs in row. Whew…I was afraid you were in a slump for a while there.
Then again, maybe it was my usually keen appreciation of satire that was slumping.
spark
fizzle
pop
Monitor and keyboard.
RICH— Jesse Ventura didn’t have a chaingun in Predator…He had a minigun!!! Ummmmm minigun
“Today is a new day in California.”
It is now official.Arnold Schwarzenegger was sworn in Monday as the 38th governor of California, completing a meteoric rise from…
Texas –
You’re right, he did. Now I remember it. And the “errrrrrrrrrr” sound it made.
This is going right to the top of my “favourite In My World” list (yeah, that’s right, I have a favourite list).
I’m forever envious of your talent, Frank.
Actually invading Canada makes sense since there is plenty of oil in Alberta.
But Albertans are like Canada’s version of Texas and some of them actually have guns.
Montreal has no oil so it is no use invading it eh.
Does the U.N. advisor approve?
You finaly got chomps to do something funny. Those kids make quite the team, the Secretary of Defense, National Security Advisor, and a psychotic rottweiler. Is there anything they can’t do?
Link Fest ’03
Ok, time once more for a kah-razy link fest, this time to promote the 2015 series hat some of our loyal fans should recognize. You can find links to the chapters below: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 3.5…
Like you just try to come up here and invade us eh. You might think you’re funny Frank, but you can’t make up stuff like this:
http://dir.salon.com/sex/world/2000/07/17/combat_bra/index.html
http://www.pfc.org.uk/news/1998/ca-mil.htm
Now quit making fun of us or we’ll send some troops to “help” in Iraq.