“Who is the mysterious protestor sniper?” Bush said to himself as he aimed his rifle. “Know one knows, for he strikes deadly and quietly.”
“Are you sniping people again?” Laura Bush asked angrily.
“Just with rubber bullets,” Bush answered defensively.
Laura picked up some of the bullets. “These look like copper tipped.”
“Uh… copper is a type of rubber.”
“I’m taking your gun away,” Laura said, snatching the rifle, “Now you play nice.”
“Now what I’m going to do?” Bush moaned as Laura walked off.
Out of the shadows emerged the cloaked figure of Karl Rove. “You must focus on getting the Medicare bill passed. The Democrats want it to be an issue, and it must be denied. So speaks the elders.”
“Don’t worry there, Rover,” Bush answered, “I’m just about to negotiate with some Democrats. I’m sure I’ll know how to sweet talk them.”
“Do not fail,” Rove warned ominously as the shadows consumed him.
Senator Tom Daschle then entered Bush’s office. “I know you wanted to talk to me, but I won’t vote for this Medicare bill because of… uh… seniors and… uh… yadda yadda.”
“I understand your concern,” Bush said, approaching Daschle, “but you should hear what I have to say.” He then started repeatedly bashing Daschle’s head into the top of the desk. “Now you vote for that bill, you slimy weasel! I’m a big man! I’ll hurt you good!”
Suddenly, the wall gave way as Ted Kennedy came crashing through. “Grerawerr!” You’re trying to privatize Medicare! Me filibuster! Me destroy!”
“Oh no!” Bush exclaimed, “It’s Big Fat Teddy K! And he’s come to eat me!” Bush then tossed Daschle out the window and hid under his desk.
“Grerawerr!” Big Fat Teddy K exclaimed as he swatted the desk aside with his massive arm.
Bush cowered in fear, but then he spotted Chomps out in the hallway. “Attack! Chomps! Attack!” Bush called out.
Chomps ran into the office and started savagely attacking one of the paintings on the wall. “Hey! I didn’t like that painting either,” Bush said, “but it was a present form my mother-in-law and it’s not the time for art criticism.” Bush then rolled to his feet and started running before Big Fat Teddy K could stomp him.
Bush soon found his wife who was washing dishes in the kitchen. “Quick, Laura,” Bush yelled, “I’m negotiating the Medicaid bill and I need my shotgun.”
“It’s the Medicare bill, dear,” Laura corrected him, “and you’d know where your shotgun is if you’d put it back on the shotgun rack after using it.”
Bush could hear the roar of Big Fat Teddy K and kept moving. He then ran into Scott McClellan. “Hey, Scott,” Bush said to him, “wave your arms in the air and say, ‘I want to cut taxes.'”
“Why?”
“Just do it!”
Scott waved is arms in the air and said, “I want to cut taxes!”
“Grerawerr!” Big Fat Teddy K roared in rage upon seeing Scott.
“Eep.” Scott ran off with Big Fat Teddy K in pursuit.
Bush let out a sigh of relief. “That was a close one.”
Senator John Edwards then walked up to Bush. “I just want to tell you I’m not going to vote for that…”
Bush punched Edwards in the face.
“Okay, I’ll vote for the bill!” Edwards said as he ran away crying.
Now Daschle came back followed by some police. “That’s the man who assaulted me!” Daschle yelled as he pointed at Bush.
“So what,” Bush answered, “I pardon myself. Plus, I reverse pardon Daschle for the charge of indecency since he’s such a slimy weasel.”
“You can’t do that!” Daschle declared.
“That’s for the courts to decide,” one of the officers said as he slapped cuffs onto Daschle. “Now let’s get you back to the federal penitentiary, you pervert.”
As soon as Daschle was led away, Karl Rove materialized. “Have you handled the problem?”
“Negotiating is hard,” Bush complained, “Want to play some Mario Kart, Rover?”
Rove vanished back into the darkness once again just as if he had never been there.
“Man, that guy is no fun.”