With the price of gasolne higher than your average liberal’s opinion of himself, I have deemed today as good a time as any to drag out and rewrite an old relevant post. I (re)present the:
Top Ten (revised) things that can help stretch your gasoline budget.
10) Learn astral projection. It’s just like being there with out all the actually being there.
9) Take a lesson from NASCAR and draft as much as possible. (No, Rep. Rangel, not that draft)
8) Be uphill from everywhere you want to go. So you can just coast.
7) Three things: Siphon hose, gas can, and cover of night. You do the math.
7b) Recommended 4th thing – breath mints.
6) Apply for and get job as Ted Kennedy’s (designated) driver, run errands while he’s passed out.
5) Always drive the speed limit. Speeding not only burns more gas, it can seriously get your Commie Italian rear end shot at/up.
4) Instead of the fine gasoline you normally use, fill up with dark, rich, sparkling Folger’s crystals and see if your car can tell the difference.
3) Get from place to place using roller blades and a water ski tow rope. Have your geeky brother tow you into town behind his minibike.
2) Get the eco-friendly utopia converter kit that the hippies use so your car will run on moonbeams, butterfly kisses, and B. O. (that’s right, now you know)
And the number one thing that can help stretch your gasoline budget….
Agree to meet with any anti-war pro-terror-sters who are thronging outside any randomly selected Crawford, TX ranch and politely convert them into bio-diesel.
Refrain from using wasteful private transportation for car-bombs and stick to mass transit options like train or bus bombs.
Get a motorcycle. You can get a nice middle of the road bike, BRAND NEW for $6000. Or get one a few years old for $4000. If gas prices continue to hover right around $3 a gallon, and assuming your car gets around 20mpg, that used bike will pay for itself in about 25k miles. And honestly, gas prices are going to continue to go up before they go down again. (if they ever do).
My 2002 Honda Shadow 750 cost me $6100 out the door, brand new in 2002. A similar bike can be had for $3500-$4000 used. It gets 50mpg on a bad day, out-accellerates anything on the road except other motorcycles, and looks totally badass.
So basically, I spend very little money on gas, and I’m not a dirty stinking hippie.
Charles.
“7) Three things: Siphon hose, gas can, and cover of night. You do the math.
7b) Recommended 4th thing – breath mints.”
I remember Otto doing that on “The Simpsons.”
Classic.
“6) Apply for and get job as Ted Kennedy’s (designated) driver, run errands while he’s passed out.”
If you take this job, make sure you wear a flotation device under your uniform.
But won’t #1 clog your fuel injectors?