Have a merry Christmas!
That wasn’t a wish; that was a command! If you don’t have a merry Christmas, we will urinate on your favorite pet so that when you pet him you’ll get pee on your hand. That’s how important it is to us that your Christmas is merry.
Also, to be diverse, if you celebrate Hanukkah, we wish that it is happy. If you celebrate Kwanzaa, you’re a weirdo and we hope you choke on it. And if I don’t see you until then, I also hope you have a happy New Year… though this isn’t to imply we feel as strongly about the happiness of your New Year as we do about the merriment of your Christmas. The merry Christmas is the important thing. Much more important than the rest. Like, if for some reason stealing Hanukkah candles — and thus making someone’s Hanukkah unhappy — is what’s needed to make your Christmas merry, then go ahead and do so because it’s for the greater good. To be clear, I’m not saying go steal Hanukkah candles; I’m just saying in this purely theoretical instance is stealing Hanukkah candles justified. I don’t want you all go around stealing Hanukkah candles saying IMAO told you to because then we’ll get labeled anti-Semites and we travel in circles where that’s still considered a bad thing.
But do smash all the Kwanzaa stuff you see — if any such things actually exist. If someone says you’re a racist against blacks, just answer, “I’m not a racist! Some of my presidents are black!” Well, I guess that excuse won’t work until later in January, but hold onto it; it’s a gift from IMAO to you.
Happy Christmas!
…I mean “Merry.” I’m going to say “Merry” all I want and I don’t care who it offends!
I never really thought about it, but maybe it IS the “merry” part to which morons object. I certainly don’t care if morons object to anything however, it is just odd that I never realized that they are so stupid to have a problem with the word “merry.”
I guess it just takes all kinds.
Merry Christmas you guys. Go Sabres. Booo Stars!!
Of course, if stealing Hanukkah candles makes you happy, the person you stole them from is likely to get happy right back and smack you upside the head.
Merry Christmas, folks. Thanks for the laughs. God bless.
Merry Christmas All.
Funny, Frank. Enjoy the holidays.
“Some of my presidents are black.” Classic.
It is good that you say “Have a Merry Christmas”, Basil. I can only comply.
However, what would Frank say, if He were not on vacation?
Still, I agree, and wish Barocrates H. Yomama, Jimmy, USSJC, MarkoMancuso, SeanMahair, Trish, Phil, Moe Lane, Michelle and Rush, have a Merry Christmas, indeed.
“God rest you merry, gentleman,
Let nothing you dismay.
Remember Christ our Savior
Was born on Christmas day.”
Linguistics lesson: I’ve learned that in old English usage –
‘Rest’ in this context didn’t mean ‘relax’,
it meant ‘set down firmly, be steady, make ready’.
‘Merry’ in this context didn’t mean ‘happy’,
it meant ‘hardy, strong, mighty’.
So a rough modern English translation of that first line would be;
‘God make you strong and unshakable, gentleman,’
which makes more sense when followed by the line
‘Let nothing you dismay.’
It amost sounds like a fight-song!
This puts a different spin on my old mental image of Robin Hood and his “Merry” men.
BTW, Ann Coulter at National Review did an article on the origins of Kwanzaa today.
She used your phrase ‘halfrican’.
Did you get a copywrite on it?
Merry (Mighty) Christmas, but listen to Trish and leave the Hanukkah candles alone!
Merry Christmas to Frank and Sarah and Harvey and Basil and spacemonkey and Cadet and Ducky and all the commenters at IMAO.
This a good Christmas for me. We have one son home from college, and the other a senior in high school heading for Fort Benning next summer. Depending on scheduling he may be in Ranger school this time next year. It’s possible he’ll get leave time, but who knows? I never thought facing an empty nest would be so hard. My wife has been aware of this phenomenon longer than I, so I am confused. And for me, confusion means gnashing my teeth and sampling liquor.
Anyway, I am basking in family this Christmas.
“Watchoo talkin’ ’bout, everyone!”
Happy Festivus. Get out the aluminum pole and ready yourself for the feats of strength.
It’s the PC time of year, Happy RamaHannuKwanzmas!
and for the Politically Incorrect,
Merry CHRISTmas, and Happy HOLY-days!
Merry Christmas everyone! Santa just finished at our house (it was a bit lean this year, DH is a dreaded car salesman…..when will that bailout take effect???) but I digress….
thanks for the laughs and helping keep this crazy word in perspective.
(oh and I love the posts where Franks rambles as above!)
God Bless you all and especially all service men and women and those who have family who serve as well. We appreciate your sacrifice.
Merry Christmas!
That was the bestest rambling Christmas message I have ever read. Thanks.
Merry Christmas to all.
Merry Christmas to all fellow unconventionals! Best wishes for a prosperous (whatever w/our new POTUS)! Love the funny Frank!
Merry Christmas to all. Have fun around the tree. Eat lots of good food. Drink some good champagne. I’m celebrating the best present that I’ve ever been given: the fact that I was born to a loving family in the greatest country in the world.
Liked your “Christmas Message”, but I am waiting for the rebuttal from Amadumbnutjob so I can compare to see which is better.
MerryHappy Christmas to all. Feliz Navidad to “the token Mexican”. Happy Nonholidays to the atheist. HopeGODwhoever you believe in blessed you this year and continues in the coming year.(despite our new overlords)Went to the Post Office for stamps to mail Christmas Cards… gave me Kwanzaa stamps. Went to WalMart and got a prepaid gift card for my wife for a Christmas gift… has a Menorah on it. I guess when people say “Happy Holidays” this time of year they are just covering their ass.
Me? Merry Christmas! And God bless!
I prefer to keep Kwanzaa around. It gives the moronic people something to do and I don’t want to share my Merry Christmas with morons. So let’s keep Kwanzaa; they just have to keep it in Wyoming.
Merry Christmas
Merry CHRISTmas to all, and best of luck surviving the Obama regime!
By this time next year, I hope many have bought a hardhat for when Obama starts throwing the turkeys out of the airplane. Merry Christmas to you all!
I’m with #21 I wish people who didn’t believe in Christ would keep their hedonist hands off my religious holiday. Let them Kwansa until their heads fall off.
Here’s an interesting thought. I wonder what will happen after the corination. We know that some elements of his fan base have a tenuous grasp of civilized behavior, so ……..if I were I lived in or near DC I think I would plan vacation and hope when I came back my house, car and business were still standing because nothing says celebration like riots, torchings and assault.
coronation – the nuns are spinning in their graves. I still can’t spell.
Larry, the cable guy, says that if the non-Christian, PC types don’t like hearing, “Merry Christmas”, then they should stay home so there’ll be more parking spots at the Wal-Mart for all the true believers who’ve got presents to buy!
On the day after Christmas I raided the 3 Bed, Bath and Beyond stores in our area and bought up all their Mr. Beer Home Brewery refill kits at half price. I calculate that I now have the fixin’s to make 67.5 gallons of beer at $1.86/gallon. Maybe 2009 will be a good year after all! (or it’ll just seem that way to me.)
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas , Oh and a very happy Chakha Khan to our Isreali brethern…. may thier skies be fair, thier munitions precise, and thier environment TARGET RICH.