A Real Conspiracy That Must Be Confronted

Oil.
Fire.
Girl.
Tile.
World.

What do those words have in common?

They’re two syllables words that for some reason the world (wur-uld) is conspiring to pretend are one syllable words. If you type “oil” into Google and click on the word to see the definition, the page it takes you to shows it to be a one syllable word. If you click on the audio icon to hear the pronunciation, though, you can clearly hear two syllables. Websters puts the schwa in parenthesis, like it’s sometimes pronounced with two syllables.

It is always pronounced with two syllables. Southerners have a one syllable pronunciation, but that’s because they mispronounce it as “all”. You cannot follow the “oy” sound with the “l” sound without putting a schwa in there and starting a new syllable. Oil can be pronounced in one syllable about as easily as supercalifragilisticexpialidocious can be pronounced as one syllable.

It’s the same with the other words I listed and anything that rhymes with them. They have a schwa in them starting a second syllable, but for some reason there is a conspiracy to ignore that. I don’t know who started it or why, but we need to do something about it. Maybe we can write our Congressman.

Thanks for listening.

43 Comments

  1. Swha-tever you want!

    I’m from Texas, and even though we pronounce all of your mentioned words in one efficient syllable, we are still ridiculed and slandered and misunderestimated. Ah fer wun ay-um ayutraged.

    …and sometimes we stretch mono- into poly-…

  2. We do NOT pronounce “oil” as “all.” Folks from Arkansas and parts of Kentucky might, but here in the True South (Georgia), we pronounce “oil” as … well, it’s hard to describe. It’s like saying “AWL,” “OHL,” and “ULL,” but all at the same time. Ask a ventriloquist. He could do it. As could any true southerner.

    We can take multi-syllabic words and get a single-syllable word from it. “Oil,” as you described. We can also combine multiple words into a single word. For example, “Do you want to?” becomes “Yon’t to?” and “all right” becomes “ite.”

    Now, we will take other 1-syllable words and get 2, 3, or even 4 syllables out of it. We’re 2nd best in the world at taking a 1-syllable word and making lots of syllables from it. The best at doing that are the many singers of the National Anthem who can take a single-syllable word and make as many as 7-10 syllables from them. “Oh” becomes “O-o-o-o-O-o-o-O-o-o-h,” “wave” becomes “wa-i-a-i-a-e-i-o-u-a-a-ve,” and so on.

  3. Basil…LMAO! Up here in Minnesota where we don’t have an accent at all (ya hay – don’t ya no) we are always fascinated with the southern application of the English language and always appreciate the Georgia dialect the most… But at least none of us are from NY or even worse California where all they produce are queers and steers and I don’t see no horns boys…err…they don’t produce steers in NY or California? Ok, then just the first part…

  4. Oil is a 2-syllable word, save when it’s “all”, but I don’t think it should have a schwa. It should be a syllabic [l] (basically, an l with a tiny vertical line under it). My conclusion? Webster’s doesn’t know how to write in IPA.

    Also, the only being I’ve ever heard pronounce “girl” with two syllables is Bugs Bunny. Is that supposed to be normal somewhere?

  5. i’m in TN and oil is pronounced earl, which by your definition should also have one of them there schwa doomaflitchies.
    Fire is pronounced far.
    Girl is pronounced hey you get me a beer.
    the others are pretty normal….i think.

  6. Here in Minnesota Girl is pronounced “SORRY MS., Please don’t sue me for Gender indifference, I promise to attend Diversity Training to become a more sensitive and caring human being…I promise…ok”?

  7. This is a serious problem and needs to be addressed; I’ve been trying since I was a child to get someone to listen.

    I’ve been rather of the opinion that clown belongs in there, too, but I guess if you say it real fast it doesn’t.

  8. Those are examples of diphthongs, where the vowel sound “glides” toward a nearby sound at the end. Another example is the word “No”, where the “o” sound glides toward a “w” at the end.

    It’s more like a half syllable than anything else. For example, “oil” is pronounced differently than “oyil” would be, at least if you were enunciating clearly. It’s less than two syllables, but more than one syllable, therefore it’s a diphthong.

    Mind you, I’m not sure “girl” and “world” are diphthongs. They might be something else.

  9. My sister is a linguist, and she’s always talking about diphthongs and schwas and pup tents and crazy things like that.

    I’m from South Texas, and around here we pronounce “oil” exactly the way that Basil describes it. It’s not incorrect; it’s a regional difference. My Texan linguist sister would wave her degree at you while telling you this.

  10. I’m from Virginia. Pronounced Va-GIN-Ni-Ya, not Ver-Genya. My name has four, that’s right, countem’, four syllables. Pronounced correctly, it sounds like this Wa-Ya-aN-ne (schwa e). And everybody knows that “Oil” of course has THREE syllables Oy-Ya-eL, you silly people!

  11. Another Minnesotian liguistic giveaway: Yup! Yup! (nodding head, looking in opposite direction) example: “O BAM MAH is a gurl.”

    “Biden is a squrl.”
    “Bush is a purl.”
    “Hillary makes me hurl.”
    I’m applying for the 2012 inaugural poet gig! After all, isn’t it obvious that talent isn’t one of the requirements for the job…?

  12. Big deal. In Philadelphia, we have one word that expresses an almost infinite number of complex concepts: Yo!

    For example, Yo! can mean:

    What the hell are you doing?
    Hey…I’m next.
    How are you?
    Knock it off!
    Shut yer yap before I do.
    Present.
    Wanna go out and get a beer?
    What’s with the teeny dipthong?

    See? Very efficient.

  13. I’m applying for the 2012 inaugural poet gig! After all, isn’t it obvious that talent isn’t one of the requirements for the job…?

    I think they just pulled her out of the crowd
    and she described people she saw on the mall as she rambled,
    “…walking past each other…
    All about us is noise…
    A woman and her son wait for the bus…
    we walk into that which we cannot yet see…”
    ~~
    Might as well have the B-52’s do a recitation,

    “We were at the beach
    Everybody had matching towels
    Somebody went under a dock
    And there they saw a rock
    It wasn’t a rock
    It was a rock lobster.”

    Barack Lobster!
    ~~
    My brother had trouble placing her voice, but is sure that she is “Sister Mary Elephant”

    The sun kisses the morning skies.
    The birds kiss the butterflies.
    The dew kisses the morning grass.

    Class? Class!? Cla– WAKE UP!!!!!

  14. No, Charles is another one that should be two but if you say it real fast you might get away with one. Gotta try and skip the schwaziness though.

    I forgot clown had 3 – how the heck are we gonna get THAT down to one?

  15. #18 Alan – “Uffda” is actually a Norwegian term. It is a curse word that my Norwegian friends say doesn’t have a direct English translation. It is sort of s**t, f**k, and d**m all combined.

  16. G’Day! Imao,
    I take your point, “The science of world wide warming is distinct. We know enough to act now. We has to act now.”

    James Rogers, CEO of Charlotte-primarily based Duke Electrical power.

    “I concur with you (Gore) that the debate about climate switch is around.”

    Rep. Dennis Hastert, Republican, Illinois

    “International warming is serious, now, and it have to be addressed.”

    Lee Scott, CEO, Wal-Mart

    “Our nation has the two an obligation and self-fascination in dealing with head-on the substantial environmental, financial and countrywide security danger posed by global warming.”

    Senator John McCain, Republican, Arizona

    “I am hoping to discover [about greenhouse gases and world warming]. The considerably more I know, the bigger believer I end up.”

    Senator Lindsay Graham, Republican, South Carolina

    ?DuPont believes that action is warranted, not additionally debate.”

    Charles O. Holliday,CEO, DuPont

    “These technologies will guidance us turn into more beneficial stewards of the atmosphere – and they will support us to confront the significant problem of intercontinental local climate modify.”

    President George Bush
    All the Best

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