The gay Episcopal bishop Obama is having for his inauguration was lamenting about how “aggressively Christian” inaugural prayers have been and wants to go for something more neutral. You may just laugh and say, “There goes a liberal, more concerned with multiculturalism than what’s supposedly his religion,” but he might actually have a point if you look at some of the previous inaugural prayers:
“Lord, thank you for this country and its prosperity. And thank you especially for Christianity, the only non-hellbound religion. While Satan made all the other religions, you made Christianity so people who aren’t depraved or a pervert have a religion to be in. May anyone who is not a Christian who hears this stop their foolish ways before Satan claims them forever. Amen.”
“Jesus, please take care of our country. Jesus, the only son of God, help the president in his decisions. As you are the only path to heaven, Jesus, please keep this country on the right path until judgment day comes and all those who don’t believe in you get what’s coming to them. A-Jesus-men.”
“Lord, please watch out for this country. And while watching this country, please keep an eye out for non-Christians and smite them. Please kill them and send them to burn for all eternity in hell. Also, kill anyone who even thinks badly about Christianity. Also kill their families and pets. Thank you Christian God. Amen.”
Can you imagine what Jeremiah Wright would have prayed if asked. Geez…that would have been awesome!
Thank you God, for being God, and being on our side. Please help us to convert the Democrats, Muslims, and atheists to faith in you. Work in the heart of anyone listening, so that they will become your servant and always vote Republican.
So, tell us when these “prayers” were prayed. Recently, or back in the 1700’s?
I actually say that third prayer every night before I go to bed.
Blessed be the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle – my loving-kindness and my fortress, my high tower and my deliverer, my shield and the One in whom I take refuge, who subdues my people under me.” (Psalm 144:1)
“It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of deer, and sets me on high places. He teaches my hands to make war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze … I have pursued my enemies and overtaken them; neither did I turn back again till they were destroyed. I have wounded them, so that they were not able to rise; they have fallen under my feet. For You have armed me with strength for the battle; You have subdued under me those who rose up against me.” (Psalm 18:32, 37)
It is not hard to understand that a Buggering Bishop of Episcopal is timid by actual Christian prayers. If I were taking it up the keister on a regular basis myself, I would no doubt be somewhat hesitant about approaching the Almighty…especially in the garb of a supposed leader of one of his main-line denominations…
The abomination of a bishop being the (straw that broke this camel’s back) precise reason I (finally) renounced my membership in the Episcopalian church…. Do you know if he hadn’t come out as a homosexual, he wouldn’t have qualified (for the promotion to bishop) because he was divorced?! It’s just such a perfect example of affirmative action hypocricy, it makes me snort with laughter!
I have the text of the proposed prayer right in front of me. It goes like this:
“Dear diety that shall not be named, if you exist at all,
“We pray, if you want us to do that sort of thing, pointed in no particular direction, and sacrificing whatever animals or virgins we deem appropriate, or not, according to our faith tradition, asking for you to bless, if you do that sort of thing, our country, but not at the expense of any other country which we expect you to deem equally worthy in your eyes. No, wait, sorry, that word ‘bless’ is insensitive to any Satanists in the crowd. how about you do whatever you think is best… er, no, that imposes too many values. How about just whatever feels right to you, and hopefully we will like it, or it will be good for us, or bad for us, in the long run.
“Please guide our people, if you are inclined to do so, to make the world a more peaceful place, unless you crave death as believed by Viking Americans, Thug Americans and of course jihadi Americans.
“Please make us wise, if you feel like it.
“Please keep our economy afloat, if you care.
“And help each american to reach paradise, or hell, with or without 72 virgins, which might or might not be women.
“In no one in particular’s name we pray…”
I don’t know about you, but i am moved.
AW. Brought a tear to my eye! As an alternative…
Dear Heavenly…and/or Earthly Father/Mother Deity of our choosing,
We gather together as a common people of Mother Earth at this special time in our history to bring peace and harmony to our planet which has been plundered for 8 long years now and we come together, man, woman, child, gay, straight, gay to bring healing to a nation in need of our healingness…”kumbay my non-judgemental deity, as we decide who you are… Kumbaya…
“Episcopalian church” is an oxymoron.
george
in my experience there are no episocopalinas. they really are either 1) pissed off former catholics, or 2) their families, going there as a “compromise church.”
George and AW – believe it or not, the Episcopalian church was at one time indistinguishable from the Roman Catholic Church except for the praying to the Virgin Mary.
Oh wait, no Pope either. What I mean is when I was just a youngun, it was very conservative!! Like a large sector of America, it has been incrementally changed to flaming liberal. Now it’s more like the Unitarian Universalist church. I agree, neither deserves the church designation.
OK, I have to correct the grammar. People are Episcopalians and the church is Episcopal. Sorry, had to do it.
This reminds me of the Episcopal priest in Seattle who claimed that she was also a muslim. You can’t make this stuff up.
As an aggressive Agnostic I support the right of anyone to pray for whatever they want or to whoever they please.
However if you do it in such a way as to be an annoyance to those nearby, may the God of your choice strike you dead.
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My heart sheweth me the wickedness of the ungodly; that there is no fear of God before his eyes.
For he flattereth himself in his own sight; until his abominable sin be found out.
The words of his mouth are unrighteous, and full of deceit; he hath left off to behave himself wisely, and to do good.
He imagineth mischief upon his bed, and hath set himself in no good way; neither doth he abhor any thing that is evil.
– Psalm 36:1-4
Funny, reading this about Episcopals the same day I’m reading in Jeremiah about how attitudes like this tend to get God’s people killed, their cities destroyed, and other such bad things – because God’s people should act as such, not act like pagans, lest those same pagans come over and give you what you wish for.
You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Therefore, make peace with your god
Whatever you conceive him to be:
Hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises and urban renewal
The world continues to deteriorate.
Give Up.
–Tony Hendra, Deteriorata
A-Jesus-men was classic.
I’m a born-again Christian, but #14 was just funny. 8)
I would agree that most Episcolopians in America today tend to be either “former” Catholic women with bad chalice envy, New Agers with a fondness for incense and organ music, or a tiny minority of people with English backgrounds that are too proud to leave the church or the attached society.
Question: How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Five. One changes the bulb and the others start making the martinis.
Good to see the Episcopalians are coming in for some snarky comments. Wouldn’t want them to feel left out, after all in this election just about every religion’s taken one to the equipage. Catholics, Jews, Baptists, Mormons, Muslims, and now these folks. Ah well, there are plenty more sects left, we wouldn’t want anyone to feel left out.
And after all we know the left has to find and support the most out of step, contrary, amazingly divorced from center member of any religion to spotlight. Or if a practicing member of a religion happens somehow to slip by the smear merchants they make sure to cut them down to size right away. Heaven forbid a Christian who actually follows the teachings of Jesus Christ be allowed to spread their hate filled, toxic, counter-culture beliefs.
I wonder when the left is going to build a National Colosseum. They’re going to have to get busy breeding more lions. Now there’s a conundrum for the folks at PETA. Do we breed lions to eat Christians…..after all it’s for the greater good, right?
OK, I can’t resist adding my second favorite religious joke here (my first favorite is too long):
Q-What does a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do at night?
A-He lies awake in bed and wonders if there really is a dog.
Thank you, I’ll be here all week.
#24 – hahahahahahahahaha. I want to hear your first fave!
Heaven forbid a Christian who actually follows the teachings of Jesus Christ be allowed to spread their hate filled, toxic, counter-culture beliefs.
Indeed. My husband is a pastor and had to go through a lengthy course, a couple years of service, and three person board review before he got his license. I think denominations ought to make sure you’re following God’s precepts. And I think people ought to make sure that churches are following what’s in the Bible.
But then I guess some people don’t want to be told that being a butt-pirate is wrong, eh?
#22 – Seanmahair,
You know liberals are always in favor of casual sects.
Ar, ar, ar, ar. 4 of 7 you make me smile; ) Thanks I needed that.