For the Caffeinated Paranoid

They have this product so you can check whether your coffee is actually decaff, but I think it would be useful for the caffeinated and paranoid (a great combination!). I’m always suspicious that someone is actually giving me decaff in an attempt to kill me, so now I can know for sure and dispense justice.

Though I’ll need some regular coffee first.

10 Comments

  1. “caffeinated and paranoid” explains the situation every day AFTER I’ve read IMAO. Before that I’m just getting started and therefore spew a lot, unable to control my diaphragm. This temporary condition alone makes me a little paranoid, although the coffee seems to help it until later, I guess. I think, maybe.

  2. This product costs $9-95 for a few lousy bits of litmus paper, that are allegedly only 98% accurate. If you’re considering paying that for such a useless product, then you’ll also need a litmus test to test your intelligence.

  3. Decaf is evil. Right up there with nearbeer. As Robin Williams once said “For those who don’t want to get drunk, but enjoy peeing frequently!” Lemme know when they start making a test strip made of pure caffeine. I’ll dissolve them in my joe. When the brew is too saturated to dissolve any more test strips I’ll then be convinced it is fit for drinking.

  4. This gives me an opportunity to mention a little known fact.

    Elephant Ivory will turn blue when in contact with Any kind of poison. Some people in the business that would make them wary of being poisoned would carry an ivory toothpick which they would use to stir any drinks made from them that they might have any reason to wonder about.

    Little known fact PS – A former member of the Flying Tigers told me about this.

  5. Pingback: Caffeine Litmus Test? « Liber Ex Machina

  6. Little known fact – Cincinnati-Bob had his leg pulled by an ex-Flying Tiger. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

    Hey C-Bob,
    Are you my stepfather? If you are 6’4″, and really hairy everywhere except the top of your head, you could be. You poor bastard. Tell mom I said thanks for the i-Pod.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.