“I’ve called this 568th prime time address of my presidency because I think there are some important things I still need to explain to you, the American people. Job losses continue, and unemployment stays at 10%. Also, it appears that terrorism remains a grave concern. I know all of you want me to focus completely on these issues, but let me be clear: This isn’t about you.
“Who was elected president? That’s right: I was. Me. Me me me me me. Ego — that’s Latin for ‘I’. That’s why we’re focusing on things I care about like big social programs like health care and environmental issues like cap & trade. I tried to tie those into the issues you care about claiming they’ll help the economy and create jobs, but I know none of us really believe that so I’m just going to stop with that. Instead, I’m going to be frank with you and say that I don’t care about the economy and I don’t care about terrorism.
“Terrorism and job losses are hold over from the Bush years. If you have a problem with them, go ask him to solve them… or Cheney — he still seems to care. I don’t. I never did. For one thing, unemployment is carbon neutral; why would I want to harm the environment by seeing people go back to work? And I don’t even believe in terrorism; I think that’s just something Bush, Cheney, and Haliburton made up. This whole ‘Islamic extremism’ thing just doesn’t seem real. Have you even read the Quran? It looks pretty made up. So I don’t know why you expect me to do something about this made up problem. I thought I made it pretty clear I don’t care about it at all when I appointed Janet Napalitano as Secretary of Homeland Security.
“So, in conclusion, shut up shut up shut up. Stop bothering me with your stupid problems. I don’t care. I have my progressive agenda to do, and that’s what I’m doing. And stop making fun of me because I walked into a window the other day. Everyone is saying I don’t know the difference between a door and a window and I’m stupid, but that is false. I just couldn’t see clearly because I had a bucket stuck on my head, so you’re the stupid ones.
“Thank you.”
And he’s polite too!
I had a hunch that bucket would end that piece. Heh.
Now, as to the splatter on my monitor… that’s not funny, Frank!
You must be reading TOTUS’s mind, Frank.
“Protests for freedom in Iran, I go for ice cream. Near terror disaster over Detroit, stay in Hawaii and party. Economic crisis, I toy around with healthcare. Attack on a military base on American soil, I give a shout out to my homeys. Now where’s my fiddle. I thought it was Nero to me.”
Finally …”PERFECTLY CLEAR”
Be careful Frank , ” if you stare to long into the abyss…” etc,etc.
“568th prime time address” – Sad and impressive that he has had that many in less than one year. But I’ll bet that the number’s almost spot on.
Awesome, Frank. We’ve been needing another In My World for a while now, and this one is just spectacular.
Ooooh! May I have more, please!
Another prime time speech by dear leader, didn’t he do one last week?
yay! “in my world” is back!
You forgot the part where everything is “unprecedented.”
God love ya, Frank!
@Storm, well put
In pitch perfect form of all teenagers and teenager adults, or for short well just call them all Liberals like they do, you end it with a shrill scream of how everything you’ve done stupid is our fault.
Score one for Frank!
You did however, forget to mention the whining about his waffle.
You captured the tone perfectly.
Why not just let Obama host The Tonight Show? Biden can be his grinning idiot co-host. They can always strap down Johnny Carson’s body so the torque of this spinning corpse doesn’t splinter his coffin.
No mention of ammo belt wearing MEchelle? He really is all about himself. What about his little darlings “Who if they make a mistake” he will see to it his grandchild is murdered. Nice guy. Stupid people who elected him.
truly “historic” !!
The Justice Dept. is going to be in touch with you. They want to know who leaked Obama’s speech.
Obviously a fraud. Obama would NEVER tell the subjects of his beloved USSA such truth. He would never trust people he holds in such contempt what his real motives are.
I’m sure one of his minioon will now report us to Snitchonpatriots.gov
Pingback: The Real Obama State-of-Union Speech « Fellowship of the Minds