Things would have been different if we’d elected Fred Thompson president, but 2008 just wasn’t a year we wanted conservative leadership and instead just wanted someone who said “Hope and Change” a lot. I hope that works out for us. Still, Fred Thompson has a new book coming out called Teaching the Pig to Dance.
It’s a memoir of his childhood growing up in a small town in Tennessee. I got a preview copy, and I learned a lot of interesting things about young Fred Thompson.
FUN FACTS ABOUT YOUNG FRED THOMPSON
* Young Fred Thompson was always getting in trouble for sneaking up and tackling grizzly bears, and it got to the point that they could never maul anyone in peace.
* Young Fred Thompson’s elementary school science project nearly destroyed the sun.
* Young Fred Thompson’s first use of common sense politics was when he chased Democrats out of town with a shotgun.
* The first time Young Fred Thompson experienced taxes was when he was charged sales tax on a pack of gum, and he became so enraged that eventually the national guard had to be called in to stop him. The incident was what Rambo: First Blood was loosely based on.
* Young Fred Thompson was always pestering his cranky neighbor, Mr. Wilson, and eventually exposed him as a Communist and had him carted off.
* Before Fred Thompson punched hippies, Young Fred Thompson kicked beatniks.
* Once, with a single shot of his Red Ryder BB Gun, Young Fred Thompson shot out three people’s eyes.
* Young Fred Thompson made his own kite, which he used to fly in the park, the design of which was bought by McDonnell Douglas and eventually turned in the F-15.
* During a Boy Scout camping trip, instead of bringing a tent, Young Fred Thompson just cut down some trees and made his own lodgings. The result is still there as the city of Kingsport, Tennessee.
* Young Fred Thompson was always getting into trouble with his pranks as a child, such as when he broke into the state treasury and started mailing out “tax rebates.”
* Young Fred Thompson’s first childhood job: Commie-smasher.
* Young Fred Thompson had a beloved border collie growing up who would always warn his parents if he was in danger. Fred Thompson eventually got rid of the dog because he doesn’t like squealers.
* Young Fred Thompson first thought he might be destined for greatness when he had to fight off a cyborg sent from the future to kill him.
Also, as a bonus, the book contains a number of Fred Thompson’s childhood drawings of Muhammad.
– Fred Thompson was actually adopted. His birth parents were named Jor-El and Lara Lor-Va.
* Though it took him many years, young Fred Thompson eventually tracked down and killed the six-fingered man who killed his father.
@ DamnCat: I’m still chuckling. That was creative.
* Young Fred Thompson eventually found and beat up the doctor who delivered him because you just don’t smack Fred Thompson in the ass and get away with it.
* That comet that smashed into Jupiter back in ’94 was actually headed towards Earth until it saw Fred Thompson towering over Earth and it decided to pick an easier target.
* Fred Thompson and Chuck Norris in 2012. We got to make up for Obama – Biden somehow!
* Young Fred Thompson played football in high school. He was the whole team and never lost a game.
* A voo doo priest made a doll of Fred Thompson and tried to stick it with a pin. The Fred Thompson doll promptly killed him by ripping his head off. No voo doo priest has tried to that again!
* Young Fred Thompson took all the girls in the school to the senior prom after they all asked him.
Popeye wanted to emulate Young Fred Thompson,. but he needed sponach to compensate.
The Godzilla movies were based onYoung Fred Thompson in a good mood. You don’t want to know what he does in a bad mood.
Young Fred Thompson got bored and dug a trench with the hell of his shoe while kicking dirt around. The Panama Canal is still being used.
* Thanks to fear of Young Fred Thompson travelling through time and beating me to death, I, MarkoMancuso, will have no choice but to purchase his book.
Dang, that facial hair looks good, by the way.
Didja know that if you disagree with Fred Thompson’s book, it will hit you in the face.
Before picking up the book the sacred words “Klaatu, Barada, Nikto” must be said correctly lest all of Hell be unleashed.
Yes it’s an odd title for a book, but it’s not like anyone’s going to say that to Fred Thompson.
Although Son of Bob was shunned into oblivion, Fred Thompson was nice enough to first reveal the story of his encountering Nancy Pelosi at a strip club twenty odd years ago.
Son of Bob, you’re right. Besides, if anybody can make a pig dance it’s Fred Thompson. Hell, if Fred Thompson tells you to dance you better be making like Fred Astaire Jr. pronto, amigo!
I just drove by a pig farm and saw the whole lot dancing the Macarena. They must have gotten Fred Thompson’s new book!
If you don’t read Fred Thompson’s book it will read you (The Last Rights).
God respects Fred Thompson so much He won’t allow Fred to write The End at the end.
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>>Fred Thompson was nice enough to first reveal the story of his encountering Nancy Pelosi at a strip club twenty odd years ago.<<
All I can say is…Ewwwwwww!!
The problem with Fred is he acted as if he couldn’t take a dump unless Jeri said it was okay. Same with Newt and Calista. Not looking for a President who’s balls are clenched by the trophy wife.
Jim, How do you know they’re clinched?…perhaps those trophy wives softly coddle their balls in the palm of their hands. ;0