So why do you think Obama caused the oil spill? I’m tired of the current Obama conspiracy theories and want to start a fun new one. We just have to come up with a plausible story and run with it.
Here’s what I’m thinking: Obama is all like, “I want to pass cap & trade to tax everybody more, but I need a disaster to give me cover.” So Obama talks to his terrorist buddy (and gay lover) William Ayers, and Ayers says to Obama, “I’ll make a bomb to blow up an oil rig. I love terrorism and I am your close friend.” So in the middle of the night Obama and Ayers swim over to the rig and plant the bomb. They then dive deeper to take out the safeties on the drilling, but Aquaman spots them and is like, “My fish friends said something was going on over her, so I came to — ack — erk!” See, Obama distracted him while Ayers got behind him and strangled him. That’s why Aquaman’s body was found washed up soon after the spill. People thought the oil killed him, but autopsy did seem to indicate it could have been a strangling.
Anyway, after the job was done, Obama pulled out a gun and shot Ayers to cover his tracks, and he was all like, “It feels so weird to kill a terrorist instead of help them and be their friend.” That’s why we haven’t heard anything about Ayers in a while. And then when the rig explosion was reported, Obama just sat around and let it get really bad. Can you think of any other reason he’d do that than if he blew up the rig himself and murdered Aquaman? Neither can I.
So I don’t have evidence of any of this, but I also don’t have evidence of their not being evidence which is kinda like evidence. Anyway, try and prove any of it wrong; you can’t because it’s all true and makes too much sense.
I did it. I deduced that the oil companies would go bankrupt and be forced to sell Nuke The Moon shirts instead.
So that answers the why. How?
I rammed my surplus Russian submarine into the rig.
Man, talk about a theory that covers all the bases! The death of Aquaman, Ayer’s misterious disappearance, Obama’s motives, everything delivered in a nice package with a nice bow to finish it off. Plus he knew his MSM buddies would find a way to pin it on Bush and Cheney so this might just be the greatest conspiracy ever since the conspiracy to convince us that progressives aren’t evil blood sucking aliens in cahoots with asteroids hell bent on destroying the Earth.
I don’t need any more evidence, I’m convinced Frank’s right. I’m worried about Acorn and SEIU finding out you’ve figured the whole evil plot out, though. You better get Sarah K to start your car in the mornings.
Mmmmmmm…that might be plausible, except for one important detail. We know that Obama and Ayers couldn’t have bombed their way out of a paper bag.
What happened goes like this. After a tiring game of golf, Obama released the ban on new offshore drilling. This wouldn’t have happened except that Obama thought the order read “offshore grilling.” Obama was like, “Why shouldn’t we allow offshore grilling?” Besides, he was hungry.
But then, Rahm Emmanuel came in the oval office and said, “Obama you stupid m*ther-f*cking piece of sh*t jack*ss, what the f*ck were you thinking when you signed that stupid f*ckin’ bill?” And Obama was like, “I like grilling.” But Emmanuel was like, “You g*dd*mned sh*t for brains, that bill was about “drilling,” not grilling. Now all of our g*dd*mned friends, the Vietnamese, Cubans, Venezuelans, Chinese are gonna be f*ckin’ mad at us for drillin’ where they drill.” And them Obama was like, “Ooops. how’re we gonna fix this one?”
It was then that the plan was hatched. Rahm was like, “We gotta blow up a f*ckin’ oil well, and I know just the f*ckin’ guy.” Obama was like, “You mean Van Jones?” Rahm was like, “F*ckin’ A, keerect. He’s got g*dd*ammed connections with the Earth Liberation Front. Those dumb sh*ts are always trying to blow stuff up. They do the work, we’re off clean as a baby’s butt. Once that oil washes ashore, you sign a ban, and make sure it says “drilling” and not “grilling” you dumb piece of sh*t.”
Lack of evidence is absolute proof of a conspiracy.
Burmashave is right. Obama is so inept he would waterboard Aquaman. The reason he misunderstood drilled for grilled is that it’s hard to read a bill with a bucket stuck on the head.
Frank, you’re just trolling for members of DU and Ronpaul.com, aren’t you?
Franks story is almost palusible except everyone knows that marxists can’t swim, and Aquaman was jealous of the skinny one with the big ears cause we know how Auqaman thinks terrorists are fabulous.
Burmashave’s story was almost plausible till it got to the part where big ears actually read, and ram the manual would actually explain himself to his puppet.
My theory is that big ears was playing with matches in the no saquatch zone and got distracted by the image of karl marx in a pool of errant oil, and blam. Then to cover things up he asked soros for permission to have rosie odonnel barged aboard and put her on one side so the whole rig toppled and caused a break in the pipe. then he ran back home to pretend he was plauing golf.
In this day and age lack of evidence is no problem when it comes to bulls**t theories. In fact, in order to be the advocate of a good viable first class conspiracy theory you need a lack of direct evidence. To the hard core conspiracy theory community the very fact there is no direct evidence is, it’s self, seen as evidence of a massive cover-up by a person or persons unknown. Sounds like investigating your theory of the oil spill is a job for that goofy ex wrestler/governor Jessie Ventura, he never needs any evidence either.
I think something went terribly wrong when Michelle was planting one of her magical gardens on the oil rig. Freak gardening accidents aren’t often discussed, but claim lives all the time, including a former drummer for Spinal Tap.
No, no, no. Some of the theories have some truth to them. Obama’s birth certificate was placed inside the rig. Word was ready to leak that it would be found there. So he had Rosie O’Donnell go to the rig and when the rig saw the sinking boat coming its way the foundations began to weak and crack because it didn’t want her on there. Bill Ayers, high on cocaine and pot, began to eat the metal because it insulted him, and when Rosie stepped on the rig it collapsed on Ayers and on the birth certificate.
I think this is what happened.
“The nature of the evidence is irrelevant; it’s the seriousness of the charge that matters.”
-Speaker of the House Tom Foley
William Ayers is Obama’s gay lover? Does Charlie Crist know?
Hell MJDZFUN everyone knows.
You had me until O pulled a gun. That’ll happen sometime after he decides he like Israel.
“likes Israel”, minus 2 pts for bad proofreading!
Come on, Jeremy, Libs pull guns all the time, like the Million Mommy March lady who shot the kid who didn’t shoot her son. The why is pretty easy – Obi-one wanted people focussed on the Gulf so they wouldn’t notice when he flooded the white people in Tennessee.