Yesterday, Joe Biden said that he’s 2nd in line of succession for president. Here are some other facts about the vice presidency according to Biden:
FACTS ABOUT THE VICE PRESIDENCY, ACCORDING TO JOE BIDEN
* He’s allowed to vote in the Senate as much as he wants as long as it doesn’t affect the outcome.
* Miami Vice was based on the later years activities of Spiro Agnew.
* According to the Constitution, he gets all the Cheetos he can eat as long as he doesn’t talk during important meetings.
* The first vice president was Benjamin Franklin. The second was Thomas Edison.
* Originally, the vice president lived in a tree house on the White House lawn, but it became infested with owls.
* When he is sleeping, vice presidential duties are taken over by his cat Noodles.
* His only power in the House of Representatives is to be able to demand that Dennis Kucinich do a silly little monkey dance for his amusement, though actually anyone can do that.
* If it’s ever needed, precedent says it’s his job to shoot Timothy Geithner.
* In times of crisis, his job is to stare out the White House window and count how many people walk in front of the building, as he’s been told that’s important data in catching spies.
* The vice president is forbidden to ever dress up as a pirate.
* He has the power to demand a specific toy from McDonald’s when ordering a Happy Meal.
* He has the only phone that can directly call the Justice League, but they’ve been busy every time he called.
* He has to send Dick Cheney $1000 any time he asked, due to a Vice Tax.
* His most important job as outlined by the Constitution is to fetch the movie everybody wants from the nearest RedBox, and he can be executed if he gets the wrong one.
* If the president is ever incapacitated, it’s his sworn duty to walk Bo.
Last one is full of win.
-ls
I think there’s also a Smithers/Mr. Burns arrangement where Biden tucks Obama in at night with his teddy bear and proceeds to sing him to sleep.
Joe Biden is too busy to worry about such things. Right now, as we speak, Biden is feverishly attempting to arrange for the Kurds to leave London by arranging a peace accord with the Australians. He is putting his incredible experience in foreign affairs to good use by meeting with the significant “players”, Idi Amin and Matt Damon, to finally bring peace to the region. Without his intervention, thousands of Zulu warriors would continue to lose their lives each day defending London’s famed Washington Monument from the attacks of the mostly-Mormon tribes. Thank God for Joe Biden and his work in imaginary foreign affairs. God speed Joe.
The vice president can eat at imaginary restaraunts, like he did during the campaign.
He thinks he can use his secret vice president inviso power to run naked around the White House lawn, but the Secret Service pays him no attention.
Biden thought nothing of telling the public about the vice president’s secret bunker because he had already told that freindly Russian fellow with the braod hat, trenchcoat, and moustache.
So who’s first in line? TOTUS?
These Damocrats really do NOT like the US Constitution, do they? (Well, to be fair, the 25th Amendment is a l-o-o-ng way down, almost to the bottom. It takes lots of readin’ an’ head scratchin’ to get that far.)
The official march of the Vice President is “Hail Columbia.” It was actually our former national anthem, but a single-letter spelling error got it banned from the White House because former President Clinton did not like to be reminded of certain past connections in South America.
So Biden takes over if President Michelle is sick? I thought Hillary took over then? I am pretty sure you have to have an actual pair of balls to be president and those are the only two Dems I can think of….. unless you refer to Pelosi’s freeze dried pair of grapes.
One of your best, Frank. If Biden is right about the prohibition on dressing like a pirate, though, I don’t think that I want to be vice-president.
Originally, the vice president lived in a tree house on the White House lawn, but it became infested with owls.
joey: get out of there you birds, I am vice president!
Owl: Who?
joey: I will give you to the count of three
Owl: Who?
joe joe: One two three ess
Owl: Bugger off!
To be fair, Biden WAS first in line, but he lost points & standing for not being clean & articulate enough.
Now we know how we got those extra seven states – Biden was counting them.
By executive order, Barry has written Biden out of place in line in his will. Allah has instructed that he shall not allow an infidel to become President in his place so he has named Jeremiah Wright as his sucksessor!
Yeah, Biden blew it when he disclosed the location of the “undisclosed location”. When the stuff hits the fan, they’re still going to make him go there.
And when he gets nuked, which is now quite likely, they’re going to bring in Dennis Haysbert from an actual undisclosed location. The country will
then be in good hands, because at least he knows how to act like a good president.
Biden was number one in line for a while, but everyone’s called him number two for so long that he’s accepted it as fact.
Spiro Agnew had the coolest first name. But he never was on Laugh-In like Nixon.
The “president” has been incapacitated since he was conceived by a relative of THIS ….thing. I live in Boston so I’ve had the joy of hearing about this POS all day.
Aunt Zeituni: ‘The System Took Advantage Of Me’