* Wow, big stock market drop yesterday. That’s a few days in a row now, and combined with the credit downgrade, financially the U.S. is not doing… well… smurfy.
But don’t worry: Obama decided to give another speech yesterday! Here’s a partial transcript:
“Let me be clear: I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I’m much more scared and confused by all of this than any of you. The reason I keep giving these speeches is because I just want other people to be around so I don’t feel so frightened and alone. I don’t know why bad things are happening, I just wish it would stop and that people would stop yelling at me. And does anyone know what an economy is and how to fix it? I asked Geithner that, but the only thing he seems to know how to do is steal boxes of pens.”
After Obama’s speech, the market dropped 634 points, but Obama said it would have dropped 2,000 points, so he saved or created a whole 1,366 points for the Dow with his intense talking action.
You’re welcome!
* Seriously, though, why does Obama keep giving these speeches? He has absolutely nothing useful to say, so the only purpose of the speeches seem to be to confirm his uselessness. We got it by now, Obama: You’re useless. Stop talking.
* Rick Perry is supposed to finally announce his intentions to run for president on Saturday. This will give us a stark contrast because we’ll have Rick Perry who oversaw the creation of jobs and got his state’s credit rating upgraded versus Barack Obama who is black.
…Well, that’s how they’re going to play it, people. What exactly do they have left to argue for Obama’s election other than accusations of racism? What exactly has Obama done that people would like another four years of? It’s going to be an extra ugly election because liberals will feel like it’s their dying last gasp.
If only it was.
* So there are riots in London. About what, no one seems to know for sure. Maybe it was over soggy crumpets… or are crumpets supposed to be soggy? No one but the British know what a crumpet is. Anyway, so “youths” are rioting and burning and stealing stuff and texting — kids loves texting… and looting — to keep ahead of the police, and it’s total chaos. And it’s looking really bad for London who is hosting the Olympics in 2012, because the Olympic committee specifically told them, “If you’re going to host the Olympics, make sure your city isn’t on fire. We don’t like fire. Also, make sure you don’t have total anarchy. Total anarchy with broken windows and overturned cars really distracts from the festivities. And finally: Please bribe us.”
Londoners need to toughen up and just round up all those rioting youths and send them to their prison colony in Australia… but not the good part of Australia where they cook you steak and bloomin’ onions, but instead the bad part with the alligators and poisonous snakes. Crikey!
* They joke that the lottery is supposed to be a tax on people bad at math, but this one woman who has won four multi-million dollar lotteries has been revealed to have a PhD in statistics. Know what I’m thinking? That’s right: We’ve found our new Treasury Secretary.
* New tapes reveal that Jackie O believed that LBJ and a cabal of Texas tycoons were behind her husband’s death. Before you dismiss that as conspiracy silliness, watch the video again of JFK’s death. It really doesn’t look like he died of natural causes.
* Often as I’ve played videogames, I’ve wondered if scientists would tell me why I like playing videogames. Well, Science! to the rescue! Quoth the scientist: “The attraction to playing videogames and what makes them fun is that it gives people the chance to think about a role they would ideally like to take and then get a chance to play that role.” So the reason you play Tetris is because you always wanted to be a block made of four segments. And I can see why, because those blocks all fit together. But in real life, you never seem to fit in. That’s why you want to be like those blocks. But remember, when those blocks all fit together, they disappear. The only way they remain is when they don’t fit — when there is a hole in them. See, that’s what you are: You’re that hole that we can’t fill that keeps us all from disappearing. So feel good about yourself. And play some Angry Birds for a change.
* Wisdom of the Day: “Remember the good old days when George W. Bush was the worst president ever?” –James Taranto
I find it sad that reporters have given up asking Obama questions and now spend their time during speeches competing to see who can flick the most pennies into his open mouth.
-ls
A crumpet’s what we Yanks call an “English muffin,” though made like a pancake. It’s also, slang-wise, a hot chick. The connection has always escaped me.
As for PhD. lottery winner, nothing is truly random. She figgured that out, and also figgured that the Lone Star State has less randomness than Frank’s thoughts.
If Jackie were alive today, she’d be a truther. She and the Kennedy’s treated LBJ absolutely shamefully after the assassination. Why rally around the president during a national crisis when old scores can be settled, said they.
Anarchists want anarchy. The guiding principle of anarchy is that people with the most raw power make the rules. Shooting rioters would promote the cause of anarchy they espouse. Anarchy in the U.K.! Power to the police!
RE: the lottery winner with a PhD in statistics.
Doctors smoke. Chefs eat Cap’n Crunch for breakfast. Accountants go bankrupt.
I think the downgrade thing was just Racism. Come on, just because we got a brother as president doesn’t mean we have bad credit!
The kids in London are just Tea Party people. My kind of people. They are sick of the British like we got and will soon kick them out of their country too!!! Then they will be like America and all! Just musket to the junk kind of stuff!
“And finally: Please bribe us.”
That made me chuckle.
As the world bows down to the sacred cow of “Democracy,” it can’t even enforce the laws that protect the Republics that supposedly practice it.
Pfffft.
So the British have gone from making Irish people sing It’s so lonely ’round the fields of Athenry to putting the Ministry of Silly Walks in charge of every sector of their government? Well, they’re only one or two steps ahead of us Yanks, with our brilliant people who are getting the government they deserve.
So, the Sex Pistols. I can’t understand a word they’re saying. And yet I find it preferable to an Obama press conference.
Sex Pistols rock – Obama sucks. Simple as that.
I can remember the even gooder, older days when Carter was the worst president ever.
I want to be the black bird, the one that explodes. He’s cool. But wait — then you disappear too! Frank’s trying to trick me!
Treacher has a good line today about the riots in England:
“Give a man a fish, and he’ll riot for free fish.”
Cat of Damnation, shouldn’t that be something like, “Give a man a fish, and he’ll riot for more.”
Seriously, though, why does Obama keep giving these speeches? He has absolutely nothing useful to say, so the only purpose of the speeches seem to be to confirm his uselessness. We got it by now, Obama: You’re useless. Stop talking.
Reading a teleprompter while looking cool is all that Obama is good at. Do you think that Obama is good at anything else? Could he change the oil and filter in his car? Does he even know that there is oil and an oil filter in his car? Can he write software? Does he know what software is, or does he think that the styrofoam packaging material surrounding a laptop computer when it’s shipped is software? Obama’s entire sense of self-worth would vanish if he had to stop talking. I have several relatives like that. You may, too.
Iowa Jim, I don’t think osama looks cool, even when he is reading the teleprompter.
Well, except for the time he said he was banning tuna.
I have come to the studied conclusion that the nail in my tire is more useful than Obama.
That’s not funny, Plenty!
Obama is as useful as that white crusty stuff that I wake up with around my mouth after drooling on my pillow all night! Well…maybe not that useful…
Well, yeah, ussjimmycarter. That happens after you’ve consumed a wee bit too much Scotch!!
I read “The Letter that Would Raise the Stock Market 2000 Points” and it is eaxctly what the nation needs.
Love the part “we have come to the belated conclusion that to continue harming our country for the sake of political power is something that we cannot endure any longer.”
The whole letter at http://www.robbingamerica.com
What’s the name of that piece of music running in the back of the Rick Perry video?
I’ve heard it before but can’t remember where.
It should be titled, “Music to Kick a$$ and Take Names by”.
The candidates I’ve favored so far in this election cycle have faded out so fast it scares me.
I had a streak of bad luck at cheering for teams in the Super Bowl that became so pronounced that I resolved to Not watch the New Orleans Saints play, and of course, they won.
Now my jinx seems to have passed to presidential candidates.
Therefore I must, for the good of the country, support President Obama from now on.
Four More Years! Four More Years! You’re all Racists! TEA Parties are Fascists! Michelle is a lovely woman and not a Klingon at all! Barack is the greatest leader American ever had! Tax the rich! Get out of Iraq! That guy from Saturday Night Live won his senate election in Minnesota fair and square! All Chicago politicians are honest and hard working servants of the people! Support the teacher’s unions for the sake of the children! Thank the TSA for their hard work in keeping our airports safe! Open borders! Listen to the UN! Negotiate without preconditions! Share the wealth! You can’t hug your children with nuclear arms!
oooh…. I think I’m gonna be sick… too… much… liberalism… (thunk) (tweeting birds)
Anybody see the next step in O’bamalamadingdong’s political strategy. Didn’t get any play in the lame stream and while I’m sure there are some folks (here as well) who are on board with that idea, let us take a moment and ponder the slippery slope the demons. have just opened up. Imagine if you would what would have happened if someone on the right had said that about, say, John Kerry or Bill Clinton, or candidate Osama-bama. They wouldn’t have mostly because almost all Conservatives know that words mean something.
Besides there are enough moon bat crap crazy, tinfoil hat wearing, sociopaths on the liberal side that someone is going to take it as an order. Too bad it’s not before 1974. If they had done it in Missouri the perpetrators wouldn’t even be charged.