Archive of entries posted on 28th December 2012

Link of the Day: Second Amendment – Liberal Style

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[High Praise! to Nuking Politics]

A Public Service Announcement: Know Your Guns Before Banning Them

Excerpt:
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Imagine… you are conceal carrying your 18th century musket rifle, and all of a sudden a bad guy shows up and points a gun at an old woman on the streets. And so you, being the hero that you are, whip out your musket and take a shot at the bad guy…but you only graze him. So he turns his gun towards you, very angry now. So, to take control of the situation, since you don’t have a semi-automatic weapon, you:

1. Convince the bad guy to pause for about 30 seconds.
2. Add some powder to your musket, pouring it into the muzzle.
3. Pack a charge into the barrel and tamp it down tightly.
4. Cock back the firing arm, raise the rifle and aim.
5. Tell the bad guy “game on!”, and then try and shoot him again.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Ten times Hooters?

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Hulk Hogan — remember him? — is opening a new restaurant. I betcha didn’t know that Hulk Hogan (Terry Bollea) had an old restaurant, but he had a couple.

Had.

Anyway, he’s opening his new one in the old Crabby Bill’s location in Tampa.

Hogan tells the Tampa Bay Times the restaurant will be “Hooters times ten.” I’m going to sit and imagine that for a minute.

. . .

Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah. Hooters times ten.

Reminds me of a story I think I’ve told before. Years ago, I took my son and one of my nephews to a Braves game. Afterwards, as we were heading back into Columbus, it was getting to be supper time. I asked them if they wanted to eat supper before we got back to the house.

About that time, we passed a billboard for the new (at the time) Hooters restaurant in Columbus. And, my nephew, being a mischievous one, said, “Let’s go to Hooters!” Since they were young teens, he and my son laughed.

Only, I was determined to have the last laugh. So, when we got to the exit, I took the heading towards Hooters, not the one towards the house. And, then pulled into the parking lot. Then took them inside.

They ordered their food and, with eyes wide and mouths agape, did their best to eat their wings. I ate my burger.

A day or so later, when I took my nephew home, his mother asked him about his trip. My nephew said, “We went to Hooters!”

Shocked, my sister asked, “Well, how was it?”

“We (pointing to himself and my son) enjoyed the wings, but I think he (pointing to me) liked the legs and the breasts.”

I’m not sure Hulk Hogan’s restaurant will be able to top that.

The Bacon Debate

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Well, I’m not sure there’s a bacon debate going on, but this seems like as good a time as any to start one.

Question: Is bacon a meat, or a condiment?

I don’t think of bacon as a meat. I’ll put bacon on stuff that already has meat in it, but I can’t think of anything I eat where bacon is the primary meat.

Think of a bacon cheeseburger. It’s a cheeseburger with bacon. It’s not a bacon burger with beef.

Even a bacon omelette is simply a cheese omelette with bacon.

Bacon is like icing. I like cake. Cake is good. But cake with icing is better. Bacon is like icing for meat.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I do like bacon. But bacon’s primary purpose in life (death?) is to make other stuff better.

What about you? Where do you stand?

Building an army

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A man from Florida has pled guilty to smuggling dinosaurs. Seven of them.

Yep, he had seven dinosaurs. Two of them at his home in Gainesville. I’ve been to Gainesville. Actually lived there for a few months. The thought of someone keeping two dinosaurs in a home there is a little disconcerting. Suppose they had got loose? Could you imagine the carnage?

Anyway, he had two in Gainesville, and five others in various places. As best as I can tell, he didn’t have any rocket launchers.

Which proves that dinosaurs alone aren’t enough. The feds will get you. Gotta have rocket launchers, if you want to build a proper army.

Words

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Every year, at the end of the year, there are always lists. I haven’t seen a list of lists yet, but I’m sure someone has one.

Time has a list. It’s about words:

If we could put a piece of culture in a steel vault and sink it into the blackest depths of the deepest ocean? In a special editon of Wednesday Words, TIME asks you to give it a try, by voting on which word or phrase people need to delete from their vocabulary in 2013.

What words does Time suggest?

  • 47%
  • 99%
  • 110%
  • adorkable
  • amazeballs
  • artisanal
  • cray
  • fiscal cliff
  • gangnam style
  • jelly
  • literally
  • meh
  • mommy porn
  • teehee
  • totes
  • YOLO
  • zombie apocalypse

Now, I could certainly do without lots of these words. In fact, I’ve managed to not utter nearly half of them at all, and of the others that I have said, most were my quoting others, often to make fun of them.

Except “jelly.” Of course, I used it, not to mean “jealous” but to mean the stuff that goes in a sandwich next to the peanut butter. And “cray?” It was capitalized when I used it; I was talking about the supercomputer.

While some of these words are indeed words we do not need to hear again, ever, I’m thinking there are some other words we could do without. “Obama” tops the list. “Harry Reid” is another, although I realize that’s two words. But then, so is “zombie apocalypse,” but there I go repeating myself.

What words would you like to never hear again?

Pity Liberals Who Have to Struggle With This Question

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[High Praise! to Sondrakistan]

Some amateur herbalist in CO gets happy on his government-approved grass, gets behind the wheel of his Plymouth Valiant to hit up 7-11 for Doritos and Yoo-Hoo, and plows into a school bus.

In the mind of a prog, which actor is responsible for this tragedy: the weed, the car, or the Doritos?

Now, if he were driving a Volt, the answer would be Doritos because GM ain’t got enough money to pay off big in a lawsuit.