25 Comments

  1. …reducing their carbon footprint with oxidation reactions (aka burning).

    …sending them to re-education camps run by the next president of the United States, Hillary Clinton. ♪♫ Happy days are here again…♪♫

  2. *** Breaking News ***

    Just into the news room:

    Austin, TX (AP) – Frank J. Fleming, noted author and owner of the famous blog website, “IMAO,” announced today via automatic press release that he’ll be writing copy for FOX News, but only on Fridays since things are so slow at his blog on that day, plus it pays well. While Frank couldn’t be reached for comment, an apparently all-digital algorithm called “Harvey” was able to respond to our network query with brief digital statements that looked suspiciously like blog shorts. And, another figure at IMAO going by the name “Basil” also replied to our information requests but only with graphics images in the form of political cartoons (that the Obama Administration apparently finds offensive).

    It’s not known if any of these other personalities at IMAO, including a more recent one named “Lactose the Intolerant,” are, in fact, actual human beings, but their web entries appear real enough to pass for an unusual kind of active intelligence, possibly of artificial, extraterrestrial origin. It is known, however, that Frank is definitely a hominid of terrestrial origin.

  3. President Obama said he wants to improve Fox News by…

    applying his immense organizational skills honed to a razor’s edge by his intense years working with his fellow legislators in the Illinois and US Senate and the impressive people skills he demonstrates every day as President.

  4. @14 – best movie Arnold ever did. It all went down hill from there.

    President Obama said he wants to improve Fox News by…

    … making them hire ugly women from the other networks so that you will be less inclined to watch.

  5. …stepping up his ebola importation program.

    …executive ordering that all news and commentary be accompanied by a gang-sign interpreter.

    …stomping the floor like he usually does when they are accurately reporting, but with the reporter’s head on the floor.

    …putting Brian Williams in charge of all network ratings reports.

    …changing his name to Fox Newz.

    …commando tactics, no more getting his panties in a bunch when a real story is reported.

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