President Barack 0bama presided over the traditional Memorial Day services at Arlington National Cemetery earlier today, by thanking all of the Navy Corpsemen and other fallen members of our armed services present who had died protecting our nation from the scourge of Climate Change.

After solemnly laying a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Comic by mistake, the President delivered his Memorial Day Address to the assembled throng of military and media.

“Let me be clear,” the President said in his typical articulate, bright and clean manner, his trousers perfectly creased, “It is only because of the ultimate sacrifice of brave men and women like yourselves over the past four-hundred-some-odd years, who gave your lives raising awareness of ManBearPig across all fifty-seven states, that we have been able to keep the scourge of the pending Global Climate Catastrophe at bay. To those of you who have not been derelict in your duties, your efforts have been nothing short of… Error. Reset required. Press control-alt-delete to reboot system.”

With that, the ceremony was abruptly ended and the President whisked away to a luxurious private golf course for the remainder of the day after grabbing some ice cream.