
[source]
BMW has invented an auto-braking car that will stop you inches away even if you drive full throttle toward a wall.
Wish we could’ve gotten something like that for Obamacare implementation.
[High Praise! to Duh Progressive]
Mexican President Enrique Nieto Now Officially Only Person Left in Mexico
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
— Jordan (@jordan_stratton) April 27, 2015
Preferred way to connect with me (ranked most to least):
1. Text
2. Twitter DM
3. Email
4. Phone
5. Climb through my window
6. LinkedIn
— Adam Khan (@Khanoisseur) April 28, 2015
Dr: I'm giving u a proton-pump inhibitor
Me: LIKE A GHOSTBUSTER?
D: No for acid reflu *sees tears welling in my eyes* yes for busting ghosts
— The Cat Whisperer (@TheCatWhisprer) April 29, 2015
[loudly so police in McDonald's can hear me]
More like Baltiless. Rioting is bad. If I was in a riot I'd frickin stop immediately & go home.
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) April 29, 2015
I have Ayn Rand quotes tattooed all over my forearms, but they're all written in elvish so it's not like, weird.
— Jamie (from before) (@Jamie1947) April 29, 2015
[God inventing the zebra]
You know what'd be cool? If we had a horse that looked like the Hamburglar
— ♡ Brian Essbe ♡ (@SortaBad) April 29, 2015
dodge ram.. dodge viper… folks are these guys trying to sell cars or just give us good advice?!
— jon hendren (@fart) April 29, 2015
A Seattle business is experimenting with implementing a company-wide minimum wage of $70,000 a year.
Great idea! Oh, and good luck getting everyone to give a $70,000 minimum effort.
Farmers can fight climate change. Read about the Obama administration’s new plans to help: http://ofa.bo/a4Vp #ActOnClimate
“Plow your crops under and raise wind turbines instead. Then you can sell chopped eagleburgers.”
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Asked about the riots in Baltimore, President Obama…
For ending to Superego, some reviews have called it too abrupt while others point it out as one of the best parts.
Endings are hard. I can think of few things in fiction where I loved the ending. Mainly successful twist endings.
For movies, I think the best ending I’ve seen is for The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Perfect resolution for the three characters.
If some are able to injure and kill others without punishment, you don’t have the rule of law and that is not a happy place to be.
A little more rioting, and I’m sure we can sort this out to the benefit of all.
It’s really hard to take seriously any criticism of capitalism that’s instantly shared worldwide through the internet.
When we’re talking about abuse of government power, I think a guilty until proven innocent standard is best.
Where did the whole idea that marriage should involve a man and a woman come from anyway?
I’m just a bit skeptical the Founding Fathers hid gay marriage in the Constitution and we just didn’t find it until now.
You could remove marriage from government for being a religious institution, but redefining it is silly and shortsighted.
Of course, redefining marriage started with changes in divorce law. Lesson: Keep your church and state separate.
When the definition of marriage is up to the state, social engineering is inevitable. The point should be to avoid that.
The blind lawyer Batman show made me realize how good a regular Batman show could potentially be.
One with adult Batman. Not baby Batman like the show currently on FOX.
People, stop crashing on the highway. It really inconveniences me.
Was thinking it’s inevitable next president will inherit a growing economy because it has to rally some time, but starting to wonder.
Eh, we should stumble into some growth soon. At least for some states. Like Texas.
We’re possibly approaching a society where it’s considered worse to hurt someone’s feelings than to shoot him.
So what’s the PC term for people who gleefully commit random acts of destruction and violence?
Still baffled how Ben Affleck failed upward from Daredevil to Batman.
One of the secrets to good health is to use microaggressions to intimidate viruses and bacteria.
I once met a police officer and he seemed nice, so I don’t get what the problem is.
What did people do with opinions before the internet?
Gah! I just found out I referred to stars doing fission in Superego! How did no one catch that until now?
Well, it came up in a Rico monologue, so I guess we can say he made the mistake and not me.
Or I just have to live with the mistake and say he lives in some alternate universe where stars work by fission. I’ll expand that in sequel.
A new report shows that 56% of Hillary Clinton’s 3.6 million Twitter followers are actually fake.
Think that’s bad? Wait’ll you see the batting average on her campaign promises.
(With apologies to Thurl Ravenscroft and Theodor Geisel)
Oppo [High Praise!], on the straight line:
A new poll shows that a majority of voters think that Hillary Clinton… was pretty freakin’ aptly described by the “Mr. Grinch” song, if you just substitute her name for “Mr. Grinch.”
______________
You’re a mean one, Hillary
You really are a heel,
You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel, Hillary,
You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel!
You’re a monster, Hillary,
Your heart’s an empty hole,
Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic in your soul, Hillary,
I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!
You’re a foul one, Hillary,
You have termites in your smile,
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Hillary,
Given a choice between the two of you’d take the seasick crocodile!
You’re a rotter, Hillary,
You’re the queen of sinful sots,
Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Hillary
You’re a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!
You nauseate me, Hillary,
With a nauseous super “naus”!,
You’re a crooked jerky jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Hillary,
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful
assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!
You’re a foul one, Hillary,
You’re a nasty wasty skunk,
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Hillary,
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
“Stink, stank, stunk”!
After talks between Obama and Castro, American flag-themed clothing is becoming common in Havana.
Still uncommon in Havana: the freedom that flag represents.
(Submitted by Anonymiss of Nuking Politics via Interesting Engineering [High Praise!])
5 of the world’s greatest feats of engineering
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Authorities in Mexico have discovered an ISIS camp just a few miles from the Texas border.
President Obama said he will do everything he can to make sure they don’t intercept American guns being shipped to Mexican drug lords.