23 Comments

  1. Breakthrough! Researchers Have Developed a New Brain Implant That Can…

    …not work with Libs since there isn’t anything to attach it to.

    … miraculously make brains work in Washington DC.

    … set off TSA metal detectors at even further range.

  2. Breakthrough! Researchers have developed a new brain implant that can…

    actually make hot chicks be attracted to lonely researchers.

    make you the smartest person on Earth. The downside is that it can only be installed rectally.

    make heads or tails out of COmmoncore math problems.

    function for you while you are intoxicated.

  3. . . . make you immune to a soon to be released radiowave signal that will make the hoi polloi kill each other so you can basque in the nirvana of elitism of the world to come. Warning: Side effects may include head exploding if a different signal is released. Don’t worry, though. Obama already has this. If you can trust Obama’s judgment, who can you trust!

  4. …give you the same “gratification” liberals experience when a right is violated, but without the embarrassing prematurity.

    …make you listen to an Obama pronouncement or speech without the obligatory gun to your head.

  5. I can’t believe I’m commenting here, I thought this place was dead, but.
    Breakthrough! Researchers have developed a new brain implant that can,,,
    Stiffen the spine of RINO Congressional and Senatorial members to the extent that they actually vote in favor of the things their electors elected them to vote for.

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