You ever take a tennis ball, show it to a dog, whistle at him, say “Go get it, boy!” and then fake a throw?
Sure you have.
No connection — at least, not that I’m admitting to — but you came along here, saw a new post at IMAO, thought “Hey, more funneh!” and am just now discovering it’s an Open Thread.
But that’s okay. You have something to say. Others do, too. Jokes, comments on things, naughty things to say about your sister, all kinds of stuff.
Join the fun. It’s Tuesday Night Open Thread. What’s on your mind?
You are to be applauded still, for improving the comments section with the 4-minutes-to-change-your-mind feature. I wish the rest of my life had it.
Why wasn’t Jesus born in Australia? God couldn’t find a virgin or three wise men. (My Aussie sister-in-law loves this joke.)
I have a coyote crossing my property to attack Canadian geese. He’s reducing the surplus population. Now, if I could get him to attack raccoons…
Dogs are so dumb.
Can’t stay – there’s a red laser dot that needs catching. I’m sure I’ll get it this time.
The Sniglets book called tricking your dog that way a “fetchplex”.
Now you know.
Hey, Basil! You ever find those doughnuts?
Y’all know Mr. Right is mocking me, don’t ya? The empty boxes were in his trash can!
Downloaded the Whisper app to see what it was. Narsistitc train wreck.
Three surgeons, classmates from the Johns Hopkins Medical School, encounter each other at a convention. They have been practicing for ten years, and have all had very successful careers. They decide to have dinner together.
At dinner, Sam asks the other two, “Who are your favorite patients to operate on?” Mark replies “Germans. Everything in a German patient is no beautifully made and finished. The parts fit together perfectly with no play. What about you, Dave?” Dave says, “The Germans are good; no doubt about that. I prefer the Japanese, though. They have fewer parts, everything is nicely color-coded and shaped so that the parts can fit together only one way. Sam, you asked the question. Who do you like operating on?”
Sam says, “Lawyers.” Before he can get out another word, the other two interrupt him, asking him how he can possibly like having lawyers as patients, much less operating on them. Lawyers argue with everything you say, they refuse to pay your bills, they sue you for malpractice, etc. Sam responds calmly, “That’s all true, but there are two wonderful things about operating on lawyers. First, there are only two working parts – the mouth and the a$$hole. Second, those parts are interchangeable.”
I thought the punchline was going to be that Sam was a mortician!