25 Comments

  1. The sample was flawed in that the pollsters only called people with jobs and who live in bitter clinger neighborhoods.

    Gloria Allred found two dozen women within minutes who said the pollsters sexually harassed them.

    Trump paid off the pollsters, and unnamed media expert sources allege that Trump plans to write off the payments as gifts to charity.

  2. They misplaced a decimal.

    Someone held up the poll sheet the wrong way.

    Al Gore lent them the hockey stick chart, and as a result, everyone is blaming it on global warming.

    A prankster took a poll for Hillary from this time two years ago and scratched her name out and wrote in Trump’s name.

    100% will no longer be the maximum. Instead, it will be 500%, which cuts Trump’s popularity to 1/5 it normally would be.

    This isn’t a poll for “Donald Trump”. Instead, it’s a poll for “Anton Edmund Trumpius Jr.”, who was famous for eating the very last dodo bird egg in existence for breakfast.

  3. He tied the poll numbers to his gold plated yacht and resumed the rising ocean levels all Republicans desire.

    The alternative seems to be socialism, and feeding Fluffy, the pet cocker spaniel, to the kids for dinner.

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