Lactose the Intolerant posted this back in 2013. — The Editors

So Elizabeth Warren is planning on giving Hillary a challenge in her bid for President. White guilt compels me to support her.  Now is the time for us palefaces to return executive power in this land to the Native Americans, like Elizabeth “Lies-With-a-Fist” Warren.  Besides, she is so inept, watching her run would be so much fun.  My inside sources are telling me these are some of the concepts/strategies she is planning on using against Hillary in the primaries:

• What? Benghazi on my watch?  My people brought you Custer’s Last Stand
• Values matter.  The men of my people only smoked cigars and posed with them for wooden carvings
• Look at our environmental records.  I am the only true anti-litter candidate (tear streams silently down cheek)
• I am the only candidate who can move to DC and root for the Redskins with a clean conscience
• Hillary had been working with Iran for 4 years with no results. I’ve already developed a positive, working relationship with Iran. In exchange for letting them pursue nuclear technology, they have already given me all these blankets and shiny beads
• I am the only candidate committed to the idea that if you like your Shaman you can keep your Shaman
• I will commission the new Trail of Tears Monumental highway system which will connect and give easy access to all the Indian Casinos
• The only part of Hillary that belongs in the Oval Office is her scalp on my wall
• I’ll just arrange to air drop peace pipes over the Middle East. Problem solved
• Once Obamacare has dealt with the overpopulation problem, I can lead our people that remain back to living in harmony off the land
• It takes a village to run a county
• To maintain continuity, I will select Joe “Dances-Like-a-Special-Ed-Kid-With-a-Sparkler” Biden as my VP
• A mustang in every garage and peyote in every pot