Based on something Walrus said.
.
AMERICA: So, what have you come up with?
HOUSE COMMITTEE: Well, we’ve thought about this in a variety of ways. But the basic idea is Trump, being himself, . . .
ADAM SCHIFF: (Interrupting) May I?
HOUSE COMMITTEE: Go ahead.
ADAM SCHIFF: I think I can sum up this impeachment for you with one word: “NOTHING.”
AMERICA: Nothing?
ADAM SCHIFF: (Smiling) Nothing.
AMERICA: (Unimpressed) What does that mean?
ADAM SCHIFF: The impeachment is about nothing.
HOUSE COMMITTEE: (To Schiff) Well, it’s not about nothing.
ADAM SCHIFF: (To Committee) No, it’s about nothing.
HOUSE COMMITTEE: Well, maybe in philosophy. But, even nothing is something.
(Committee and Schiff glare at each other. The press enters.)
PRESS: America, Keeping Up With The Kardashians is on TV.
AMERICA: I’ll watch later.
(Press leaves)
ADAM SCHIFF: (Attempting to pronounce Latin) Quid Pro Quo?
AMERICA: Not even close.
ADAM SCHIFF: Was it with a Russian?
AMERICA: No.
REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN: What’s the premise?
HOUSE COMMITTEE: Well, as I was saying, Trump being himself, as an outsider, from New York, has an agenda, a following, and a hot wife, which is all true.
ADAM SCHIFF: Yeah, but nothing happens that can’t be grounds for impeachment. You see, it’s just his life. You know, he eats, he goes campaigning, he speaks … He eats, he campaigns, he makes a phone call.
AMERICA: He made a phone call? You have a transcript?
HOUSE COMMITTEE: Well, I don’t know about the transcript… We didn’t discuss any transcript.
AMERICA: All right, tell me, tell me about the stories. What kind of first-hand knowledge?
ADAM SCHIFF: Oh, no. No first-hand knowledge.
AMERICA: No first-hand knowledge? So what is this?
ADAM SCHIFF: (Showing an example) What’d you do today?
AMERICA: I got up and came to work.
ADAM SCHIFF: There’s an impeachment. That’s impeachment.
AMERICA: (Confused) How is that impeachment?
HOUSE COMMITTEE: Well, uh, maybe something happened when he got to work.
ADAM SCHIFF: No, no, no. Nothing happened.
HOUSE COMMITTEE: Well, something happened.
AMERICA: Well, why am I watching it?
ADAM SCHIFF: Because it’s going to bring down Trump.
AMERICA: Not yet.