IMAO Time Machine: Why Writers Deserve More Money

Harvey gave us this in 2007 — The Editors


In the comments to a post on the Hollywood writers’ strike at Twenty Sided, RustyBadger asks the ultimate question:

“The people that write for The DailyShow are funny, yes, but they have an easy job: write funny stuff about famous people who are in the media spotlight so the viewers can feel smugly superior about their own pathetic lives. I mean, really. How hard IS it to make fun of Brittney Spears and Michael Jackson?”

As someone who makes fun of John Edwards EVERY SINGLE DAY, I feel emminently qualified to answer that one.

“Hardness”, as we all know, is measured on the Mohs scale, with Talc (the crumbly, powdery stone from which talcum powder is derived) being a 1 on that scale. Diamonds are a 10.

Mocking celebrities does not contain an absolute hardness factor, but is rather a repetitive-dependent sliding equation which is directly proportional to the number of times you have previously mocked the celebrity. By which I mean, the more often you make fun of someone, the harder it gets.

This SEEMS counterintuitive, as one would expect it to get EASIER with repetition – practice making perfect, and all that. However, the hardness in this case actually arises from the physical limitations of existing in a finite universe. That is, poking fun at the famous is based on making an analogy between the famous person and an existing object, and connecting the two in a manner that is completely unexpected, yet also perfectly sensible to the reader afterwards. Given that the universe contains only 1085 discrete objects, the writer has fewer and fewer objects to compare their celebrity target to with each joke written, thus making the job increasingly hard.

As anyone who’s contributed a Bonus Fact can attest, the first one is talc-easy, but pretty soon you find yourself smacking your forehead against Hydrated Sodium Beryllium Aluminum Silicate Hydroxide Fluoride.

In other words… “very”.

So as someone who makes a living writing (if you define “living” as “three squares a day – of Ramen Noodles”), I’m siding with the writers, and showing my solidarity by posting a video that explains the writers’ strike in terms everyone can understand.

Enjoy:

[YouTube]

So She’s a Robot?

Plane With Hillary Clinton Aboard Grounded After Shaking, Smoking From Mechanical Issue
Fox News | 11/18/2019 | Kenneth Garger

A plane with Hillary Clinton aboard was grounded at LaGuardia Airport Sunday afternoon . . . The flight’s pilots reported to authorities feeling the plane shake then saw smoke. . . . Metal debris was later discovered in the area where the mechanical issue took place.

Perhaps Captain Kirk demonstrated to her that she was flawed. Or someone asked her if it’s true that everything she says is a lie.


This Day In Python: Nov. 18th

If you’re familiar with the “Gumby” character from Monty Python — the one with the handkerchief on his head, hands curled inward, pants rolled up to his knees — then this entry should make its point.

Tuesday, November 18th, 1975

In the evening I go with Nancy to the Bruce Springsteen concert at Hammersmith Odeon. This is the first show outside the US for a 26-year-old New Jersey boy who has been hailed as the new Dylan, Lennon, Van Morrison and so on. The trouble is that the enormous reputation has been chiefly created by CBS records and there is a certain scepticism around as to the legendariness of Springsteen. So, was this the New Messiah? Was this to be one of those concerts which fathers tell their sons about in years to come?

Of course the concert didn’t start until 45 minutes after the advertised time . . . .

Nor did Spingsteen start too well. A solo with piano. His croaky, straining voice sounding as though he’d just done a six-week Gumby season, the spotlights all over the place.

The sound system failed to make head of tail of Springsteen’s poetry, but the band kept the evening alive — and he did three encores.


November 18th, 1976

The sketches, or fragments, which work least well at the moment are those which deal directly with the events or characters described in the Gospels. I wrote a sketch about Lazarus going to the doctors with ‘post-death depression,’ which, as I read it, sounded as pat and neat and predictable as a bad university revue sketch. The same fate befell John and G’s sketch about Joseph trying to tell his mates how his son Jesus was conceived. The way the material is developing it looks as though the peripheral world is the most rewarding, with Jesus unseen and largely unheard, though occasionally in the background.

— Michael Palin, Diaries 1969 – 1979: The Python Years


Straight Line of the Day: A Snow Crab Was Recently Auctioned off in Japan for 46 Thousand Dollars. For That Money…

Straight Line of the Day: A snow crab was recently auctioned off in Japan for 46 thousand dollars. For that money…


Snow Crab Sells for Record-Breaking $46,000 in Japan
CNN Travel | 11/08/2019 | Lilit Marcus and Yoko Wakatsuki

A “five shining star” snow crab was auctioned off in Tottori, Japan for a whopping 5 million yen ($46,000) on November 7.

It’s the highest-ever price paid for a snow crab, according to the Tottori prefecture’s fishery promotion division, which was in charge of the auction.

The coveted crustacean was a male, weighing 1.2 kg (2.7 pounds) and measuring 14.6 cm (5.74 inches) wide.

Jeez; You Don’t Want That

Space Can Make Your Blood Flow Backwards
BGR | 11/15/2019 | Mike Wehner

The paper, which was published in JAMA, examined the circulatory changes that took place in 11 different space travelers that spent time aboard the International Space Station.

It found that while blood flow was perfectly normal when the scientists left Earth, dramatic changes had already begun by their 50th day in space.

In particular, circulation changes through the head and brain raised some serious concerns.

In seven of the space travelers, blood flowing from the head down to the rest of the body showed signs of stagnation and, in some cases, even reversal.

On Earth, gravity aids in draining blood from the head and ensuring a steady flow. In space, that assistance just isn’t there, and slow-moving or stagnant blood can cause clotting.

In fact, two of the crew members were found to have clots or partial clots in their left internal jugular vein.

Blood clotting is incredibly dangerous when it happens within the body, and if a clot were to form and then travel to the lungs it could create a pulmonary embolism, which is a potentially fatal condition that requires immediate treatment.

In Which We All Lost Our Innocence

November 17, 1978. A day which will live in infamy.

That’s the day the Star Wars Holiday Special aired on CBS.

Those of us that went to see the original Star Wars movie many times in the theaters just a year earlier were eagerly anticipating this special. What we got was a grand awakening of things to come.

The Empire Strikes Back in 1980 was great. Return of the Jedi in 1983 was good. Yes, despite the Ewoks. Those of us who saw the Holiday Special were not shocked by the Ewoks. Nor were we shocked by the Prequels that came years later. We all realize just how bad Star Wars could be.

And, in case you were (or still are) a Star Wars fan, and in case you missed the Holiday Special, well, here you go.

[The YouTube]

Remember, this was followed up by The Empire Strikes Back. No matter how bad things seem during the moment, things will can get better.

You’re welcome.