New Rules for NFL Football: From Now On,
-All Players will make the exact same amount of money because it’s the socialist thing to do.
-New England Pats get caught cheating one more time and it’s the death penalty for the franchise..banned.
-No Player shall eat gas station burritos, and the like, the day before a game. A Ref may impose a 15 yd penalty if a player is noticeably forcing their flatulence out and it reeks of a rotten fish head…or worse.
… on defense, all non-linemen must count to “3-Mississippi “ before crossing the line, and any defender must shout “I’m free, I’m free, I’m free” when they elude a blocker…
… any kicked or thrown ball that makes contact with any drone, camera, or guide wire will be considered “live” and may be fielded by any player and advanced at will…
Have a laugh track for studio analysts, especially the ones using the cut-and-paste list of “keys to victory” (Uh, stop the run, run the ball, throw the ball, long drives, get more turnovers, stop the turnovers, maybe score more points than your opponent . . . )
An kickoff or punt catch receiver may throw a foward pass if they do not take any steps to advance the return. Incomplete passes will be marked at the point of the catch and any originating from the end zone will be considered a safety.
Your parole officer is not allowed to attend team meetings.
New Rules for NFL Football: From Now On,
-All Players will make the exact same amount of money because it’s the socialist thing to do.
-New England Pats get caught cheating one more time and it’s the death penalty for the franchise..banned.
-No Player shall eat gas station burritos, and the like, the day before a game. A Ref may impose a 15 yd penalty if a player is noticeably forcing their flatulence out and it reeks of a rotten fish head…or worse.
… on defense, all non-linemen must count to “3-Mississippi “ before crossing the line, and any defender must shout “I’m free, I’m free, I’m free” when they elude a blocker…
Fire Roger Goodell would be a good start
… to be legal, and anatomically correct, the“Tush Push” requires the ball carrier to back into the line of scrimmage…
Non-pigskin Kosher footballs will be available upon request.
Require referees to be more fluent in Braille
… any kicked or thrown ball that makes contact with any drone, camera, or guide wire will be considered “live” and may be fielded by any player and advanced at will…
…any inadvertent hand-holding between offensive and defensive players may be ruthlessly mocked by any player without penalty…
Have a laugh track for studio analysts, especially the ones using the cut-and-paste list of “keys to victory” (Uh, stop the run, run the ball, throw the ball, long drives, get more turnovers, stop the turnovers, maybe score more points than your opponent . . . )
… intent must be taken into consideration when ruling on whether a pass was forward or backward…
… a penalty of fifteen yards will be assessed on any defender who willfully obeys the law of gravity when falling onto a quarterback beneath himself…
Clotheslining and octopus style hugging by offensive linemen will now be flagged as holding on occasion
Draft great-grandsons of kamakazi pilots for punt returners; outlaw wussy-ass “fair catch”.
Pregame show will include a casino representative to inform the viewers as to which team the referees bet on
4 points for a FG at least 60 yards
1 point for the defense if the other team has 1st and goal and doesn’t score at all
The Cleveland Browns get free Super Bowl tickets every year, so they can say they were there
… all referees must be certified IMAO interns in yoga pants.
New Rules for NFL Football: From Now On, …
An kickoff or punt catch receiver may throw a foward pass if they do not take any steps to advance the return. Incomplete passes will be marked at the point of the catch and any originating from the end zone will be considered a safety.
Sounds like something the Boston Patriots would come with. They would start immediately trying to figure out how to cheat on that particular play.