Let’s say you get to the voting booth on the primary day and find that you errantly registered yourself as a Democrat. Who should you vote for? Well, there seems to be three serious candidates… but one is John Edwards who, for all intents and purposes, is a little girl. Thus, let’s focus on Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.
HILLARY VERSUS OBAMA
HONESTY
Hillary: Most likely has forgotten the truth on most things by now.
Obama: Has yet to been asked a question and thus given the opportunity to lie.
For all we know, Obama might be an honest person (that could even be a campaign slogan: “Obama: He might be honest!”). Then again, Carter was honest. Still, on this issue, it’s easily advantage Obama.
EXPERIENCE
Hillary: Co-ran a presidency. Served more than one full-term in the Senate for one of America’s most highly populated states.
Obama: Pushed a yes or no button when prompted for two years now.
This is a hard one. Hillary has experience, but it’s experience being a screechy, mommying fascist. Obama has no experience, so who knows how he’ll do if given any responsibility. So it comes down to the evil you know versus… smiley. I call this one a toss up.
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EVIL
Hillary: Pure evil. Babies cry when she’s near.
Obama: Goofy. He looks like the black version of Laurel from Laurel and Hardy. Babies laugh when they see him.
Not even Hillary’s supporters deny that Hillary is pure evil. Then again, maybe these times call for evil to be used against our enemies. Still, I have to side with not evil. Advantage Obama.
PAST
Hillary: Shady land and futures deals. Drank the blood of children.
Obama: Raised to kill Americans in Indonesia. Snorted blow off hookers.
The past is in the past, man, so I’d say let all this go. Still, Obama has more to give people pause. He could easily get rid of some nasty rumors simply by eating bacon at a campaign stop and exclaiming, “Man! I loves my bacon!” Right now, advantage Hillary.
NAME
Hillary: Maiden name kinda rhymes with “Saddam.”
Obama: Middle name is Saddam’s name. Last name easily confused for “Osama.”
Seems superficial, but it’s right to scrutinize every aspect of who may represent America. Thus, while we’re fighting the evil of Osama bin Laden, do we really want a leader people are going to keep accidentally calling “President Osama”? It’s like electing a “President Bitler” during WWII. Also, Obama’s first name always makes me think of the Mortal Kombat character who has a big smiley mouth full of sharp teeth and two larges blades that comes out his arms… and I never cared for that character. Then again, Hillary has the same last name as a known sex offender. Still, advantage Hillary.
PIONEERING
Hillary: A woman; we’ve never elected a woman president before… but do we really want to?
Obama: He’s black… but not “authentically” black (so some black people say to uncomprehending whites).
If you look at the pictures of presidents, it’s a bunch of angry white men. Maybe it’s time for the presidency to look more like America. So, what more important: racial or gender diversity? Well, if we go historically, blacks were given the vote before women, so they should get the presidency before women. Plus all races agree: Women are crazy and emotional. Advantage Obama.
WAR
Hillary: Most warmongering of the Democrat presidential candidates (i.e., doesn’t run crying from G.I. Joe action figures).
Obama: Says he would have voted against war because that was the popular answer when someone asked.
If any major conflict happens, I expect Obama to wet his pants as quickly as any other Democrat. Hillary will most likely lash out with a fiery, screechy vengeance. Advantage Hillary.
To me, this is a hard choice. Hillary scares me, but maybe America needs a scary president right now. Then again, maybe harmless Obama would do less damage to America and could be bullied into action when needed. If you had to choose between the two, who would you pick?
C – Move to France to get away from all the socialists in America – LOL.
I was thinking France was a good choice, too. And it has the bonus of all the cars you can burn without fear of prosecution!
You are only entertaining this idea because Fred Thompson allows you too. Always remember that.
Hilary’s middle name is Rotten. How does she have an advantage over Obama bin Laden?
I’ll go with Obama. Maybe he’ll grow teeth like the Mortal Kombat dude. That would be a scary president.
Even if it Hillary vs a cardboard cutout of the Maytag Man… I’d vote cardboard cutout of the Maytag Man.
I’d vote for Hillary, because she’d invest a big portion of the federal budget in commodity futures and balance the budget that way. Also, she’s authentically black.
I’d be with Dodsfall, except that America has already elected a cardboard cutout of the Maytag repairman President (in 1976).
I’d either commit suicide or write in Zell Miller, naw I’d just write in Zell Miller.
No – Jim – a carboard cutout wounldn’t have damaged the country nearly as much as Carter did.
Mickey Mouse
4 years of hillary speaches would make me go oedipus on my ears, obama at least has a pleasent voice so long as you don’t think about the words he is saying.
None of this matters, because I’m voting for Fred Thompson, even if he doesn’t run. I fear for the safety of anyone who does otherwise.
I’d write in Fred Thompson. with a Tommy gun.
Are you crazy, Frank? I’m a conservative! Not a George Bush wink wink conservative–I’m the real thing that believes in low taxes, lots and lots of guns and no big brother government! As a REAL conservative, Hillary scares the shit out of me! Listening to that shrew screeching at me for 4 years will be bad enough but what happens when she sends out the jack booted thugs to round up all us right wing “extremists” for her new “Village”? We will be thrown into barracks and will be fed recordings of “herself” giving speeches to NOW and NARAL 24×7 until our eyeballs pop out of our heads!!! AHHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!
hilarity or abomination?
is “shoot my own pinky toe off” not an option?
Hillary, all the way. She’s the only one I can imagine using the words “Nuke ’em. Nuke ’em all! Hahahahahaha!!!”
I realize this may sound invidious or even racist, but I always think of curious george when I see Obama. This makes the choice more difficult: vote for the funny monkey or the nurse?
Hillary
Two reasons:
1. The Clintons would have a chance to return all of the furniture and other items that they stole…I mean took with them when they left office.
2. I would rather be in the center of the nuclear blast than die slowly from radiation poisoning. If the Democrats win the White House and keep Congress we might as well have Hillary and get our destruction over with.
Easy, Hillary
Our candidates poll better against her. Even a large portion of Democrats hate her.
If you want to win in the general election: Hillary, baby, Hillary all the way.
I’D VOTE FOR THE NEGRO OVER THE DEVIL ANY DAY!
I’d vote for Hillary. Last time she was in the White House, half the Democrats in the country either ended up in jail or were mysteriously shot in the head by someone, maybe themselves. This time we could get the other half.
Gun to my head? Obama.
Sure he’s a pup, but at least puppies can be trained to not shit where they sleep and eat.
Frau Clinton has ruined more rugs in this country than we will probably ever be able to count.
…However I do agree with pushing her to the front because America isn’t ready for a female president. Guaranteed GOP win. I like the sound of that.
Damn I just waffled. This is a hard choice. How can I be forced to make a deci |/
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Actually, the cardboard cutout of the Maytag man has my vote before a lot of the current candidates.
The easiest question about Democrats to answer:
Joe Lieberman
Hillary will not defend America under any circumstances. Health Care is more important than military spending. She hasn’t suffered 8 years of GWB to be put off her agenda just because of a little war with terrorists.
Obama might defend America. Its a toss up and depends on who’s doing the issues polling. Advantage Obama.
This is easy. Hillary. If only because Fred Thompson is going to pull the head off of whoever runs against him, and I’d rather see a headless Hillary. Plus Obama has a skinny neck, no challenge for Fred.
If I had to vote for one of them I would expatriate to Australia. I really like the Aussies, they have standards.
Also once either the Anti-Christ or the African Christ took charge the Constitution would be discarded, and the country as we know it would cease to exist.
Slow death. Painfull, icky, slow, writhing death.
Pretty much the same as voting for Hillary without the guilt of complicity. Plus you don’t have to wait in line.
Hillary isn’t tough enough for the hard decisions, or she would have rid herself of Slick Willie when he first began his philandering as governor of Arkansas. The fact that she went along with it and even defended him and denied it proved that she is an asset to the DemoCRAPic party, ambitious and unscrupulous enough to lie through her teeth and make a deal with the Devil.
Osama Obama is not nearly bright enough, but he is good at parroting Democratic talking points. He understands basic DemoCRAPic philosophy-if it doesn’t work, throw money at it. He still is too rough around the edges to be trusted (12 vs 12,000)?