Well, folks, I’ve been busy dealing with preparations for the Grand Opening of Disneyland Gaza, but I think I’m at a point where I can let y’all know about it without ruining the big announcement.
Of course, our Western Values need to be toned down a bit for the rambunctious and peppy Arabic/Islamic Market, so the Big Mouse himself needed a little touching up.
You know, like Sesame Street characters need done in various global markets (NOTE TO SELF – Never share sewing needles when patching up the South African muppets).
Anyway, here’s that old mouse you know and love, improved for the kiddies of Gaza and shown on Al-Aqsa TV:
(Al-Aqsa Television, a wholly-owned property of the Hamas Terrorist Organization and Grill, is suffering the same fate of our own culture’s MTV… I remember when the Al in Al-Aqsa meant something, darn it!)
We’re a little concerned with the mis-translation there, because mice often live in holes in walls, so the use of the word “glory” there might send the wrong message.
The best part of this costume is – all we have to do to make a Gaza Minnie is to cover a spare Mickeyhammed Mouse suit in a big black burkah. Saves time, effort and money!
Of course, it’s not just a bunch of Israel’s Most Wanted, running around in big rubberhead costumes hiding in plain daylight, smuggling weapons in their suits. No, we’ve also got attractions that the whole family (well, the ones not martyred yet) can enjoy:
- Land-Pirates of the Mediterranean (boats full of Jews arriving from Europe post-Holocaust)
- Mission To Tel Aviv (Strap yourselves into a bomb belt and get ready for a wild taxi-ride to Tel Aviv… and ultimately, Paradise!)
- Haunted Bulldozed Mansion (with Holo-Martyr technology!)
- Cinderella’s Smuggling Tunnel (will the bomb-belt fit?)
- Hall of Palestinian Presidents (Yasser stands up, yells at Christiane Amanpour on his cell phone, and hands up petulantly)
- The It-Doesn’t-Matter-What-Agreements-We-Signhorn (Technology courtesy of Oslo)
- Mr. Roed-Larsen’s Wild Ride (Spin, spin, spin, spin your dizzying diplomatic gestures!)
- 20,000 Leagues Under The C-4
(There’s more, but I don’t want to ruin all the surprises)
We were going to build a Gaza Epcot, but the natives kept vandalizing the hydroponic farms and the only Western nation who wanted to build around the Cesspool Of Terror Facilitating Nations was Norway.
Oh, and we’re still trying to work the bugs out of the nightly fireworks shows. Seems that they keep raining down on Sderot and just barely missing the civilian population there.
I keep telling the engineers to fix that, and they keep threatening to kidnap me and hold me for ransom. Ha ha ha… they’re such tough negotiators here!
Anyway, watch the news, and get ready for an E Ticket to Paradise!
I hate to spoil the announcement but I’m really excited for the 6pm stoning parade.
Every evening at 6pm all the children in the park will gather to throw rocks at tanks while behind them, Donald Duck (with pants thank you very much) will fire fireworks over their heads.
Well, mostly over their heads. But I don’t want to ruin the announcement on the al-Dura show
Speaking of stoning, any females looking at a pantsless Mickey will have the fun of having family members singing Bob Dylan’s “Lets Get To Stoning.”
Row, Row, Row your boat,
Across the big cesspool…
Your local Homo stoning is always entertaining. Will Abdulah bring the heat or throw a high inside slider…
Hamas and Al-Aqsa might have bitten off more than they can chew. Disney is notorious for being fiercely protective of their trademark, especially against unauthorized usage of their cartoon characters.
Methinks Disney’s legal department may very well declare jihad on Hamas.
This is perfect. We need a theme park for the Yutes. As you may know, Vinny from My Cousin Vinny, sounded like he was saying Yutes when refering to two youths. The French refer to their rioters as youths. Therfore Islamo-Fascists=Youths=Yutes, and Yutes need theme parks.
ARE THEY GONNA HAVE THE 72 VIRGIN TUNNEL OF LOVE? IF SO YOU KNOW THEY WILL ALL LOOK LIKE ROSIE!
Do they still have “It’s A Small World, Afterall (Controlled by the Jooooos!!!!)?
Have an Evil day.
Don’t forget Main Street Baghdad, where costumed and hooded characters abduct your children and take pot shots from windows with BB guns. At noon, enjoy the daily public executions conducted by Captain Hookah. In the evening, bring what’s left of the family down to the colorful Main Street Assassination Parade, where a brave martyr is actually shot while dressed as Anwar Sadat. Then conclude your evening as the green tracers of antiaircraft guns illuminate the sky to the tune of air raid sirens and muezzins calling from the minarets of the Grand Disney Mosque.
Too bad I’m so late.
Most people are going to miss my best one yet.
Ok, The Al Gore Umpa Lumpa song was better.
Who’s the leader of the club
That’s made for Jihadi’s?
M-A-R-T-Y-R M-O-U-S-E!
Hey, Jew! Hi, Jew! Ho, Jew!
You’re as dead as you can be!
M-A-R-T-Y-R M-O-U-S-E
Martyr Mouse! Detonation Duck!
Martyr Mouse! Detonation Duck!
Forever let us hold our Hamas banners high!
High! High! High!
Come along and sing a song
And join the Jihadi’s
M-A-R-T-Y-R M-O-U-S-E
Now’s the time to say goodbye
To all our enemies
Through the years we’ll hunt you down
Wherever you may be
M-A-R-T-Y-R M-O-U-S-E
Martyr Mouse, Martyr Mouse
Forever let us hold our banner high
M-A-R — Blow ya up real soon!
T-Y-R – Why? Because you’re a Jew!
M-O-U-S-E!!