Washington state Senate passes legislation to ban private, for-profit prisons
The Hill | 31 Mar 2021 | Aris FoleyThe upper chamber voted to pass the bill 28-21 on Tuesday.
The measure, which previously passed the state House, now awaits consideration from Gov. Jay Inslee (D-Wash.), who has signaled support for restricting the use of private prisons.
If passed, the bill would prohibit any person, business, state or local governmental entity from operating private detention facilities in Washington, as well as utilizing contracts with a private detention facilities in the state, according to the bill text.
Straight Line of the Day: If you ran a private, for-profit prison, …
If you ran a private, for-profit prison, …
You mean there is no death penalty? Oops, my bad.
If you ran a private, for-profit prison, …
I would like the very big rocks made into very small rocks.
… I’d run a side-business printing “Get Out of Jail Free” cards…
… it would hold non-stop “Prisoner’s Dilemma” tournaments…
There can be only one!
…I’d have a box and my ditch with the prisoner’s dirt in it.
…Saturday’s would be for settling issues like men.
…there would be a whole lot of tree shakin’ goin’ on.
…egg eating contests.
… Washington state and Washington DC wouldn’t be included in my business model…
If you ran a private, for-profit prison, …
…Eighth Amendment? Sorry, that costs extra.
… there would never be any failure to communicate…
Not that we’d have here.
Thunderdome!
If you ran a private, for-profit prison, …
…”You’ve got twenty years, Rukatansky. You can get out in twelve with good behavior. Four with the right donation to my retirement fund.”
…no large wall posters of scantily clad women.
…We Built This City would play in every cell 24/7.
If I ran a private, for-profit prison…
The first person I’d incarcerate would be Gov. Jay Inslee.
…S. D. Bob Plissken would be the warden.
If you ran a private, for-profit prison, …
We would let inmates steal underwear.
If you ran a private, for-profit prison, …
I would return the profits to my community…
the gated one where I live.
If you ran a private, for-profit prison, …
it will be Basil not Basil or it’s solitary for you!
If you ran a private, for-profit prison, …
…I’d switch the real coffee with Folger’s crystals.
Monster!
If you ran a private, for-profit prison, …
…set it up like a zoo and allow public viewing, for an almost reasonable fee.
… I’d contact Nike for tips.
Hi-ohhh!
… I’d have the sound system play sad trombones, not saxophones.
… I’d constantly be wondering: “Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?”
There’s no wondering about your display of rank privilege – Latin, pig?
… I’d quickly change to a non-taxable non-profit prison. Duh.
… I’d lock up all those bitcoin weirdos. Back on the Blockchain Gang!
… it’d be a woman’s prison.
The only conjugal visits you get are with the dude in the upper bunk.
… Epstein would kill himself.
…it’s official name would be “The Slammer”, “The Hoosgow”, or “The Pokey”.
Mirror sunglasses and toothpicks would be regulation uniform and guards would have titles like “Turnkey” and “Boss”. Maybe even printed on the back of their uniforms.
Private investigators would occasionally be hired to pose as prisoners to take part in and try to foil escape plots.
“Stoney Loansome, LLC” for white-collar crimes.
“The Notorious RBG House” for Democrass. [sic]
…tents, green baloney, and pink underwear. I think Sheriff Joe was onto something.
And a jute mill, I’d definitely have a jute mill.
…”Tuna Tuesday!”
(every day)
If You Ran a Private, For-Profit Prison, …
…I’d upgrade it to a Major, For-Profit Prison.
C’mon man! Lt Colonel Prison or bust!
…I’d change it to a federal government prison so I don’t have to worry about costs, efficiency, or DOJ scrutiny.
I would model it on the very progressive Eastern State Penitentiary. Single cells for the prisoners to become penitent. Wonderful place to visit.
Pay the prisoners to do work that generates a profit.
That’s just crazy talk.