In My World: Coming Clean on Libya

“…and that’s about all I have to say about March Madness,” President Obama told the press while standing in front of a chart of his March Madness picks.

“I have a question,” one reporter said.

“Would you like me to repeat everything I just said about March Madness?”

“No; the question is about Libya.”

“Oh, well there is not really much to say about that. Qdaffy is a terrible dictator, so we’re going to use military force to take him out.”

“And do you see any hypocrisy after all your opposition to the war in Iraq?”

Obama looked confused. “I didn’t think anyone took that seriously.”

“It was kind of a big deal,” the reporter said. “People criticized Bush endlessly for years and quite vehemently. It was your party’s — and your own — main objection to him. There were huge protests constantly. He was called one of the worst president’s ever because of it, and some on the left even called him a war criminal.”

“Oh. I think I see the confusion.” Obama nodded. “Let me explain it this way: I’m a left-winger, so pretty much everything out of my mouth is just partisan nonsense.”

“Excuse me?”

“I think it’s pretty easy to understand,” Obama continued. “We on the left act like this and that is a big deal, but all we care about our partisan politics. If someone can be identified as being on the other side of us politically, then that person is the devil to us and we will attack him or her with idiotic thing we can think of. And we’ll act like it’s a huge deal, but our objections don’t come from any coherent political philosophy or actual concern for poor or oppressed people. We just don’t like people disagreeing with us and that’s the entirety of what we care about.”

“So none of those countless objections from the left to the war in Iraq was based on any real sentiments?”

“Only our hatred of Bush being a Republican,” Obama explained. “Absolutely everything we acted like was a big deal about Iraq was just nonsense and we didn’t really care about it. We even actually found Abu Ghraib kind of funny. We’re utterly useless people who just like to argue and don’t care about the consequences. It’s completely insane that anyone paid us even the slightest attention when something important like a war was going on. And it’s pretty crazy you elected someone like me to be president when I had clearly demonstrated time and time again that I am a useless partisan idiot with nothing to contribute to society. Did you reporters even look into the community I organized in Chicago? It fell into the sea — and Chicago is hundreds of miles from the sea. That’s how less than useless I am.”

“So… why are you telling us this now?”

“Well, it’s just getting real hard to pretend that Bush did things wrong when I’m basically copying everything he did. I mean, he was a president who actually had some idea what he was doing, so really the best I can do is just try to ape him. It’s a little bit different just because of how spineless I am; for instance, I’m letting France now lead the way on military operations. Still, it’s hard to pretend I’m not ending up in the exact same place as Bush, and I don’t have time both to both spin that and make my picks for my brackets in March Madness.” Obama took another look at his chart. “And they were pretty good picks, huh?”

“Just one more question: So, to be clear, you’re basically denouncing everything the left stands for?”

“Yep. Pretty much. I and everyone else on the left are useless whiny people with no real concern about anyone or anything outside of partisan politics. Everything we say is completely pointless and no one should ever listen to us. Now, if you have anymore questions about Libya, please direct them to the new man I put in charge of it: Ronald Dumsfeld. He’s someone who… Okay, he’s Donald Rumsfeld in a wig; I don’t have time to keep up any subterfuge. Gotta go play some golf!”

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27 Comments

  1. First the liberals came for our gold during the New Deal,
    and I didn’t speak out because I was a twinkle in Pappy’s eyes.

    Then they came and put high fructose corn syrup in our diets thanks to subsidies,
    and I didn’t speak out because I could eat other food.

    Then they left the border open,
    and I didn’t speak out because I could get a job translating orders to the migrants in the apple orchards.

    Then they gave the Marine Corps’ job and hymn to the French,
    And that really ticked me off.

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  2. Pingback: Blood for Oil is A-OK if France Leads the Way | The Planets Best Political Humor at RadioactiveLiberty.com

  3. MarkoMancuso says:
    First the liberals came for our gold during the New Deal,
    and I didn’t speak out because I was a twinkle in Pappy’s eyes.

    Then they came and put high fructose corn syrup in our diets thanks to subsidies,
    and I didn’t speak out because I could eat other food.

    Then they left the border open,
    and I didn’t speak out because I could get a job translating orders to the migrants in the apple orchards.

    Then they gave the Marine Corps’ job and hymn to the French,
    And that really ticked me off.

    Then they took away my Easy Bake Oven,
    and I was unable to protest because I could no longer make any food.

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  4. This whole situation in Libya is just another example of a mess this administration inherited from a previous administration. If the Reagan Administration had succeeded in killing Kaddafi back in the eighties we wouldn’t be in this situation today. All of the liberal condemnation and left wing whining would be a thing of the past, long forgotten by now, and no one would be calling for Obama’s impeachment or for him to return his Nobel Prize. So once again this nation finds it’s self embroiled in a foreign adventure that is the direct result of failed Republican policies….also this administration has a bridge in Brooklyn it will sell cheap.

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  5. zzyzx says:
    If the Reagan Administration had succeeded in killing Kaddafi back in the eighties we wouldn’t be in this situation today.

    True – we’d be attacking whatever dictator had replaced Qdaffy.

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  6. “Then they took away my Easy Bake Oven,”

    In my world there would be communist, useless tree hugging marxists, and democrat seasons. The season would open February 1 and close January 31. With a 24 hours respite for Christmas.

    In my world democrats would be eligible for retro-active abortion.

    In my world, cats would have opposable thumbs, so they could flick themselves in the nose when they give respect to qdaffy through capitalization.

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  7. I do find some…(something) in these situations asking what would McCain have done?

    *something that pissed off conservatives
    *something the left said they wanted but give him no credit for
    *he would back the military ever inch of the way
    *probably would not have waited for the UN nonsense
    *probably would have officially declared war through congress

    Sooo still a a bag of dog crap but not set on fire.

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  8. “When my lips are moving, I’m lying. The Left isn’t bound by the truth. We believe in getting re-elected, and will use whatever means necessary to do it.
    Most especially, me. Michelle scares the hell out of me. George Soros’ tentacle is up my back, controlling my every move.—– Excerpts from “The Minute That O-bah-muhh Told The Truth”

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  9. BTW according to Ulsterman’s white house insider, Rahm Emanual (no relation to Jesus) may be what decides if Obama gets reelected…. yea i think i’m gonna go buy bulk food and ammo.

    http://trifter.com/usa-canada/white-house-insider-obama-understands-none-of-it/

    Also I know I have been harsh on Palins’ substance for awhile, conservative media cant prop up a Joe Biden we have to be careful. Her India speech and recent face-book article on energy were both a step up and deserve respect. Say what you will about Palin she learns fast. She keeps that up and I would probably vote for her.

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  10. plentyobailouts says:
    In my world, cats would have opposable thumbs, so they could flick themselves in the nose when they give respect to qdaffy through capitalization.

    We don’t capitalize his name out of respect. It’s just that, having claws, we are uncommonly good at puncture-ation.

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  11. “Did you reporters even look into the community I organized in Chicago? It fell into the sea — and Chicago is hundreds of miles from the sea. That’s how less than useless I am.”

    This has to be one of your best lines in a while.

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  12. In seriousness, there are worse things than letting the Frogs and Limeys handle the majority of an operation. Their people are dedicated and competent and they carry with them hundreds of years of traditions of military excellence. Yes, even the French – to an extent.

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  13. So we are fighting Col. QDaffy. Now if I was the leader of an entire country, I would certainly attain a higher military rank than Col! QDaffy must have done something that got him stuck at his current pay grade. So all we need to do is send in a One Star General and say knock it off and doesn’t the lower ranking Col. have to salute and say “yes sir”! See I’ve fixed the whole problem!!!

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  14. ussjimmycartersaid: “We are being led by France…bugger!!!”

    I am pretty sure that buggery would be an issue only if we were being led by the British. Oh, wait . . . Damn!

    Motto for the combined French and British forces: “Surrender the booty!”

    (Seriously, nothing but respect for the fighting forces. Their political leaders lack will – hey, common ground! – but the men and women who actually fight, well, they actually fight.)

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  15. Pingback: Steynerism 441rd « Free Canuckistan!

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