Apparently Obama golfs quite a lot; he just headed out on his 60th golf outing as president. So, with all the crises going on in the world, should Obama be out golfing?

Absolutely.

Scientists estimate that the Obama presidency would be 800% better if Obama spent it all golfing. Obamacare? Too busy golfing. Trillions in unnecessary spending? Unless he can spend trillions at the pro shop, not going to happen. Bowing dictators? Only if they beat him on the golf course.

So how do we get Obama to play more golf? Someone should say to him, “So what’s your plans for after the presidency? Have you thought of being a professional golfer?” And Obama would be like, “You think I could?” And we’d be like, “Sure, but you’d have to play every day.”

And then Obama would start missing all his meetings to play golf to make sure he has a future after the presidency. Every once in a while he’d be like, “Shouldn’t I look into some of the crises going on?” And we’d say, “No, that’s golfing loser talk! Work on your swing!”

Golf; it could save the country.

So what happens when you combine GM and the federal government? You get the Chevy Volt! It’s $41,000, making it way more expensive than the competition while not even getting better gas mileage. And it’s still being sold at a loss. But hey, you get a tax rebate if you buy one for some crazy reason. Still, Government Motors only sold 281 last month, so I thought I’d help out by trying to come up with a great slogan for it.

PROPOSED SLOGANS FOR THE CHEVY VOLT

“If you have friends push it around while making vroom vroom noises, it’s a lot like driving a car.”

“So frustrating to use it will make you do the greenest thing at all: Kill yourself.”

“Hopefully in being green it’s the thought that counts.”

“Get America out of unnecessary wars and into unnecessary cars!”

“The electric car that will make you want to defile Benjamin Franklin’s grave.”

“A great backup in case your kid’s Power Wheel gets a flat.”

“We don’t need to sell you on, because you’re already paying for it as a taxpayer.”

“Why pollute around you with exhaust when you can pollute far away with coal?”

“Are we winning the future yet?”

“Built by the government, so making fun of it is treason and punishable by death.”

“Sold at a loss… to everyone.”

“If you don’t buy one, don’t be surprised if you get audited.”