So what happens when you combine GM and the federal government? You get the Chevy Volt! It’s $41,000, making it way more expensive than the competition while not even getting better gas mileage. And it’s still being sold at a loss. But hey, you get a tax rebate if you buy one for some crazy reason. Still, Government Motors only sold 281 last month, so I thought I’d help out by trying to come up with a great slogan for it.
PROPOSED SLOGANS FOR THE CHEVY VOLT
“If you have friends push it around while making vroom vroom noises, it’s a lot like driving a car.”
“So frustrating to use it will make you do the greenest thing at all: Kill yourself.”
“Hopefully in being green it’s the thought that counts.”
“Get America out of unnecessary wars and into unnecessary cars!”
“The electric car that will make you want to defile Benjamin Franklin’s grave.”
“A great backup in case your kid’s Power Wheel gets a flat.”
“We don’t need to sell you on, because you’re already paying for it as a taxpayer.”
“Why pollute around you with exhaust when you can pollute far away with coal?”
“Are we winning the future yet?”
“Built by the government, so making fun of it is treason and punishable by death.”
“Sold at a loss… to everyone.”
“If you don’t buy one, don’t be surprised if you get audited.”
“We’d like to thank you for buying a Chevy Volt. Individually. Probably take just an hour or two to call this here list of numbers…”
-ls/cm
* The Chevy Volt: Winning the future by shifting the paradigm and making personnel decisions to maximize your core competencies.
“It almost beats walking.”
“Union built so you can feel good about paying too much.”
move over Edsel!
Varoom 3 (only old guys will get this one)
Put a card in the spokes
Faster than the Flintstone’s car but not as green
Yes it comes in green
Green…the color of money
The only thing funnier than your blog is all the Chevy Volt ads by goggle on the left side of the screen.
C’mon now, sing The Electric Slide with me! “It’s electric! Boogie Woogie Woogie!”
“It will hit 80 mph on a steep downhill with a tail wind and a couple of booster rockets!”
“The Chevy volt already comes with cut outs on the floor boards for the “Flinstone” method of propulsion. Yabba Dabba Doo!”
“It makes a great boat anchor!”
“It’s an even better paperweight!”
“It’s Union built. Buy one or we’ll break you legs!”
“Why pollute around you with exhaust when you can pollute far away with coal?”
That one is my favorite
They call it the “Volt” because the name “Chevy Coal” didn’t focus-group test well.
Don’t let the naysayers disuade you. Sure, you’re just trading your gas bill for an electric bill, but switching to compact flourescents as is manditory you volunteer to do, you will make up the difference in a good 12-15 thousand years. Keep your lights burning 24/7 to speed up the savings!
* The Chevy Volt: Looking more and more like The Chevy Gremlin all the time.
“German Fascism gave us the Volkswagen Beetle, American Fascism gives us the Volt.”
“It is only going to hit 80 if it is delivered by high speed rail.”
“For only $41000 you can feel better about misunderstanding the environment.”
“Take two, they are small.”
“Chevy Volt- When you are just not cool enough for a Seqway.”
Buy one and own the fanciest golf cart on the block.
Another Seqway one:
“Chevy Volt- Safer than a Segway (but not faster)”
There’s style, performance and safety…then, there’s the new Chevy Volt.
Chevy Volt – When you absolutely, positively have nowhere to go.
Chevy Volt – Proving Hayek right at every turn
Chevy Volt – Because you’re a racist, hante-mongering war criminal in need of prosecution if you don’t
Chevy Volt – No matchbox car collection is complete without it
Chevy Volt – If we sell three more, we’ll get an Obama brand electronic organizer FREE
I’m not sure if any of you ever watch the BBC show Top Gear, but they once described a Soviet car as being “Built by a man in Siberia wearing a hat made from his wife’s head.”
The Soviet car in question was better looking than the Volt.
“Put a card in the spokes” — That’s classic, Ed.
Chevy Volt — It doesn’t look like a Prius.
(This is actually a huge disadvantage. Detroit produces bunches of hybrids. None of them sell because the eco-greenies feel the need to advertise their greeniosity. The Greenies won’t buy the Volt unless it screams, “I care about the environment more than you.”)
Frank J – loving america and it’s technology unless there’s a joke to be had.
I was going to enter an employee suggestion for laser canons or at least rocket launchers, but screw that now.
New employee suggestion; 1% of every volt sold goes to fund north-american primate nativization.
Seriously though – we were engineering this thing when Obama was still voting present. And we’re using the fuel economy of this to offset bigger, more wasteful SUV’s. We’ll be all like, “56 MPG corporate average fuel economy? Well the volt gets infinity, so our new Hummer gets 0!!!! Take that Obama!” they’ll start rating our trucks in gallons per mile!
Also, because it’s not japanese, hipster hippies won’t buy it, so you can drag race them and blow their life-endangering not stopping crash intrusion doors off. Our doors are reinforced with advanced high-strength-steel….And Science!
DISCLAIMER – The opinions stated do not reflect those of General Motors Corp, General Motors Co, General Motors LLC, Or Howie Long. All specific scientific or engineering claims come straight from the author’s butt, although it is true that the Volt is Awesome and ten years from now when you’re driving a plug-in hybrid you’ll be glad we made it.
Chevy Volt – now with spare wind up key
Chevy Volt – Grandma’s Rascall with doors
Chevy Volt – Barbie has a slightly bigger fun car !!!
The chevy volt, because walking aint crowded
Yes, you can! (sit around for hours while your car recharges).
Its not traffic your sitting in, you went more than a mile.
The Volt, because unions need love too.
Chevy Volt – Makes up for the price of a Casket!
Chevy Volt – Help the Environment. One Accident and you’ll be Fertilizer!
Chevy Volt – You can drive it 20 miles before you have to stop and recharge it for 8 hours
Chevy Volt – Probably not as green as we expected, with all that CO2 you emit as you huff and puff pushing it the rest of the way home
Chevy Volt; You used to be able to buy a heck of a lot of gasoline for $41,000…
“Chevy Volt- If your boss won’t let you plug it in, you’re walking home”
Chevy Volt, Proud sponsor of the PGA ( As long as they would be willing to trim it down to 16 holes, or walk the last two.)
Chevy Volt- Use the wipers and the radio at the same time! (Downhill only)
“Chevy volt- The battery acid only melts sinkholes in the road when they get in an accident.”
Proud Infidel, you had the right idea but the slogan was too long. “Yabba Dabba Doo!” is sufficient all by itself. I think the logo should be a hamster running in a wheel, however, not a cave man’s feet.
hwuu, you were so close to beating me to my punchline. American fascism gets us a “Voltswagen”
Don’t be a dolt buy a Volt! Anyway it can’t be any worse then this…also from Gov’t Motors. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAqPMJFaEdY
Because walking is so ’90’s.
Volt! The car Frank J named after some French guy.
“Chevy Volt – go all the way with the sail option.!!”
Chevy VOLT – beta male chariot!
Chevy VOLT – taking post-modernism to its logical conclusion.
Chevy VOLT – Forward! Into the Past!
Chevy VOLT – meh….
“Chevy Volt – it’s not easy being green.”
Chevy VOLT – P.T. Barnum was right!
Chevy VOLT – what you lose in mobility you gain in self-righteousness!
Not only that FormerHostage but you also gain in….smugness, sanctimoniousness, and my favorite holier-then-thou-ness.
Surely you can have the Chevy Volt dance playing:
I actually kinda like the Volt, from a technology demonstrator standpoint – wouldn’t buy it myself, but it’s a lot better than Nissan’s glorified Power Wheels car. But for the smug types:
Chevy Volt – Because freedom means being allowed to think you made the guy roaring past you in the Camaro feel guilty and inadequate.
Bumper sticker on a volt.
“For every mile I drive the ocean level drops .00000000000000001 mm!”
*Chevy Volt – It’s not cheap, it just feels that way!
*Chevy Volt – Free towing service with every purchase!
*Chevy Volt – Like a Chevette, except not so sporty!
*Chevy Volt – It’s patriotic: your electricity bills will skrocket, like the 4th of July!
*Chevy Volt – Making Ford stck prices rise.
*Chevy Volt – Made by Barry, with love.
“The Chevy Volt – Because getting to where you’re going is so overated.”
“And every Chevy Volt comes with special handles to make pushing it easier!”
“The Chevy Volt – Makes the Yugo look like a Ferrari.”
“The Chevy Volt – Pretend you care about Mother Earth. She hates you.”
“The Chevy Volt – The Masserati of golf carts.”
The Chevy Volt: “Perfect for the Senior citizens who didn’t want to go anyway!”
Chevy Volt –
If Louis Chevrolet had a son named Edsel,
we would name this car after him.
You’ll get chills, they’re multiplying, and you’re losing control, ‘cuz the power, you’ll be supplyin’,……It’s Electrifyin’!
Has anyone here actually driven the Volt? I have and it’s amazing. It’s solid. It’s fast. The ride is smooth and the car is unsettlingly quiet. The car is faster, smoother and quieter than my wife’s Lexus. It’s American technology. American made. And it runs on American energy. Seriously, take one for ride if you can find one.
You have to buy it to find out what’s in it
Ok, we’ll admit it’s a hybrid – a hybrid of unicorns and dark matter!
Los Chevy Volt – Now available en espanol
Be a dolt. Buy a Volt.
Secrets of the Volt revealed (sort of)
http://www.streetfire.net/video/dual-motor-toyota-mr2_22790.htm
The Chevy Volt.. Saving the World One What? at a time.
Shhhh Dan…don’t spoil their fun with truth. It’s not just lefties who let ideology trump reality.
“Seriously, take one for ride if you can find one.”
No thanks. I’d rather rant incoherently and make snarky remarks. I sure as hell ain’t gonna spoil my fun with FACTS!
I have to agree with Proud Infidel, sometimes the truth has to be sacrificed to make an excellent point.
The Chevy Volt- a great car until your electricity bills necessarily skyrockets because of cap and trade.
Not really Duke. Remember that liberals don’t actually like using their own resources so most of these smug basturds will just run an extension through the window at work and steal from their employers. When called on it, they’ll claim it’s their right!
“The Volt. The car the Arabs love to hate”
“Unlimited range, 120v compatable, microwave optional”
“Leave your friends in THEIR dust”
“Bringing America away from war funding and to Miles Per Kilowatt Hour”
“The Volt. 3 miles per kwh @ 10cents each verses 30 MPG at 4 BUCKS. You do the math”
The Chevy Volt: Buy now, and get 20% off next years model. Because you’ll need it.
The Chevy Volt: Great new cars for teenage children. Always know you’re kids are in close proximity.
The Chevy Volt: One small step for Man. One step backward for Mankind.
The Chevy Volt: Because horses poop too much.
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I can appreciate the fact that “them that speak, don’t know” but sometimes you just have to call idiots idiots. Of the three volts that I own and the $3 a day my electric bill goes up a month with all 3 plugged in and the 2 speeding tickets I’ve received since I’ve been driving them, and the 800 mile trip I just took in one.
I’ve never let the truth stand in the way of a good joke but come one fella’s, really.
And I guess this is what happens when you combine a faggot whos dumber than a stump and probably drives a stupid Japanese car, has no sex life and always got picked last for dodgeball in school. Your pathetic. This is your country dumbass.